[Garcia0909]

I'm so confused about if I should end my relationship of four months, or are our issues able to be worked out? I think I am falling in love with my current partner. We have so many things in common: we are very intimate, our hobbies, sense of humor, and we are so comfortable around one another. However are differences have been showing more lately than our similarities. For instance:
1. Friends and Family are always a priority over me.
2.Communication is very low. Instead of talking things out. I am normally met with silence or defensiveness/anger
3. It is very clear that I am immensly more mature than my mate.(we are the same age 25)
4. Very little sacrafices are made on my behalf
Recently My mate moved out of my apartment because his female friend while drunk curesd me out in public and put her hands on me. My mate is mad because I yelled back. He feels like I should've kept quiet!!!!! He took her side becuase he says she's like family and Family comes first eventhough he agrees she is in the wrong.

What do I do? Do we talk this out? Or do I need to end this immediately!

[Scotty204]

This doesn't sound like it's going to go very well at all. Communication, sacrifice and give and take are a must in order to have a healthy relationship.

[sukothefox]

Originally Posted by Garcia0909

I'm so confused about if I should end my relationship of four months, or are our issues able to be worked out? I think I am falling in love with my current partner. We have so many things in common: we are very intimate, our hobbies, sense of humor, and we are so comfortable around one another. However are differences have been showing more lately than our similarities. For instance:
1. Friends and Family are always a priority over me.
2.Communication is very low. Instead of talking things out. I am normally met with silence or defensiveness/anger
3. It is very clear that I am immensly more mature than my mate.(we are the same age 25)
4. Very little sacrafices are made on my behalf
Recently My mate moved out of my apartment because his female friend while drunk curesd me out in public and put her hands on me. My mate is mad because I yelled back. He feels like I should've kept quiet!!!!! He took her side becuase he says she's like family and Family comes first eventhough he agrees she is in the wrong.

What do I do? Do we talk this out? Or do I need to end this immediately!

It seems like a difficult person to be with in a relationship. You should tell him your feelings, dont stay quiet... Speak about how you feel, try to be literal. example: "It really makes me feel hurt when you put your friends and family first, I feel like I dont matter to you, like I am just there..." Dont let stuff like "you are being dramatic" stop you. He should be able to understand how you feel.
If he gets angry, tell him that he is being really unreasonable, that his behaviour will bring no good. I understand your situation.
My girlfriend used to yell at me. When something bad happened to her, something that happened with her parents, or friends, I would be helping her, and in her bad mood she would be yelling at me, and even push me away when I wanted to hug her. At first I didnt do anything, but I realized that if I dont, she will step over me, so I started being more assertive, and so far she has stopped that immature behaviour.
If nothing seems to change, I'd suggest to rethink what you really want with a partner...
I am sorry if my answer isnt helpful, but I think it is what should be done

Originally Posted by Garcia0909

I'm so confused about if I should end my relationship of four months, or are our issues able to be worked out? I think I am falling in love with my current partner. We have so many things in common: we are very intimate, our hobbies, sense of humor, and we are so comfortable around one another. However are differences have been showing more lately than our similarities. For instance:
1. Friends and Family are always a priority over me.
2.Communication is very low. Instead of talking things out. I am normally met with silence or defensiveness/anger
3. It is very clear that I am immensly more mature than my mate.(we are the same age 25)
4. Very little sacrafices are made on my behalf
Recently My mate moved out of my apartment because his female friend while drunk curesd me out in public and put her hands on me. My mate is mad because I yelled back. He feels like I should've kept quiet!!!!! He took her side becuase he says she's like family and Family comes first eventhough he agrees she is in the wrong.

What do I do? Do we talk this out? Or do I need to end this immediately!

1. Friends and family are people that have their place, but it is not over the SO ever. The person that should take priority over anything is the one that you are attached to, and in an ideal situation, would be the one you'd stay with long term, if not for life. Family just should never take priorty over that person. They only have a small stake in your life and they don't share the responsibilities and other things that a partner does. Your expecting to be #1 in his life is not unreasonable at all.

2. If communication isnt' there, the relationship's growth will eventually come to a halt. I don't think there's any case where this isn't true. You have to be able to talk to one another openly about everything or things will fall apart.

3. I don't really have an opinion on that. without an example given I can't say anything to his maturity level, but.. if you indeed feel he is too immature for you that is only going to cause more problems too.

4. Sacrifices - While I understand that sacrifices for your partner is soemthing anyone serious about their relationship needs to do, the fact of the matter is, you can't force another to do so or make them be more sacrificial. The only thing you can do is be sacrificial in your behavior. Expecting sacrifice from another is a hard thing to talk about because by human nature, I think we do expect that, it's a passive thing when it comes to your partner, you can only hope for that, never ask for it. Otherwise the sacrifice loses it's value, I don't know if that makes sense. So on your part, just accept you can't make that change in him. question is, if he never changes that, would you want to remain?

My opinion is, of course you can try to talk it out. If you really want this relationship, then do what you can to make him understand your concerns, but then you also said already that communication isn't happening already so I don't know how possible that will be. I take back what I said about immaturity. He does sound like when it comes to having a relationship, he's still got a lot to learn.. his priorities are out of order and he needs to put family in their place before being with someone or it's never going to work.

here's the kicker for me: Telling you that you should have kept quiet when a drunk person is yelling at you and getting physical - No ifs ands or buts about it, he is wrong and I find that completely the opposite of what a man should do. he should have been the one to step in and protect you. Period. He did not. He let it happen and then scolded you fro defending yourself. Ummm no. I don't care if it's the pope. You should be his treasure and he should be protecting you at all costs, regardless of if it's family or not! That's just really out there for me. For that alone, I might say give him the boot.

[gimmeice]

If you are really wanting this relationship you can attempt to talk it out with him. Remember to make a lot of "I" statements for example "I feel _________ when you ________." If he cannot discuss this with you then you must really evaluate if you want to deal with this behavior long term, it sounds to me like continuing the relationship will cause you a lot of heart ache.

There are a few things that stand out for me that are not in your favor, but one giant one that should make you run, not walk, to the nearest exit:

THE BIGGEST RED FLAG is that someone your SO knows put hands on you and your S/O did nothing about it. And then berated you for the other person's abuse. No excuse.

As for the rest of it, more dark yellow/orange/red flags:

- telling you that you are not "family" (putting you down)
- not communicating with you (silence)
- feeling anger/resentment/hostility when you try to speak (anger)
- immaturity (not being on the same level)

IMHO, I think you should end the relationship.

And also, have you spoken with your T about this situation?

I really hope you will take good care of you and look out for yourself. You come first. Invite people into your life that bring you light, not darkness.

Best wishes to you Rose

[Leed]

I totally agree with the others. It WORST thing is he let someone put their hands on you, and he did NOTHING to protect you. That is not the actions of a "partner" or "significant other." He is NOT looking out for your best interests. He's not keeping you safe.

This guy is a loser. You deserve MUCH better than this. There are many more cons than pros. Ditch this guy. Get out, and find someone who will treat you like the woman you are -- deserving of love, attention, integrity, gentleness, and ALL good things.

Please get out of this relationship - because it really ISN'T a relationship. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

The overwhelming feeling I get from your post is the lack of respect for you he has. You seem to be low down on the list of anything important. Am sorry to be so blunt but I too think you deserve better. I guess you dont want to read that tho.