[ThatGirl47]

I have been dating this dude for about 1 1/2 months. I really do enjoy his company and he treats me quite well for the short amount of time we have been seeing each other. One day i brought him to my house while my parents were home and introduced him casually. He is a year older than me (I'm a senior in high school) and he does not go to college because he wants to be an electrician and then take over his family farm. My parents do not like him simply for the reason that he does not go to college. I'm not sure what to do. I really want to make my parents happy but at the same time I do not want to hurt someone who has become my close friend/ more than a friend. (I know, I know we aren't getting married but like its one of those high school relationships)

Any suggestions?

[mazing]

Relationships are hard, especially when family don't agree with it

Can you talk to your family about why they are concerned? Explain his aims and that he plans to work and provide? I can understand your parents concerns - they are just looking out for you and want the best for you. If possible I would sit down and explain that you do like him and that he has plans. Allow them to talk about their concerns and ask questions. It might just be them needing time to get to know him

[Leed]

Your parents are being a bit judgmental. College is NOT for everyone. Ii think what your friend wants to do is excellent! What would we do without electricians and farmers??? This country would fall apart! We NEED farmers.

Ask your parents what is WRONG with being an electrician and a farmer? He has 2 trades he can fall back on. An electrician can make GOOD money! And so can a farmer if he has a big farm. These are two HONEST trades, and I cannot see what's wrong with them. So what if he doesn't go to college? These days, jobs are hard to find EVEN FOR A COLLEGE GRADUATE!! It doesn't seem to matter if you have a degree or not -- no one can get a job!!

But I would bet an electrician could get a job anywhere! They are in demand in so many places!

Like I said, your parents are being quite judgmental. If they opened their minds and thought about it a little, maybe they'd change their minds about him. Personally, I think he's going into 2 very great trades! KUDOS to him! God bless. Hugs, Lee

[ThatGirl47]

I think my parents are being judgmental as well. It's just interesting because my dad grew up on a farm so he knows how farming is actually good money (it got my great grandmother through the Great Depression and WW2). Also I think it is hard for them to see because he has not started electrical training; which can make him look like he is lazy and just laying around his parents' house.

My parents love me and I guess they are trying to make sure decisions I get myself into now do not affect anything in the future. They also are from the mindset that everyone, regardless of background or monetary needs, should go to college because that is the only way to get a stable job.

Honestly I think they should just chill out because I'm 18, there's no way I'm looking for someone to get married to. At this age I am looking for someone to have fun with (NOT sexual). Searching for a husband is way too far off in the future for me. I just wish they could see that you know?

[Caretaker Leo]

Parents tend to be more protective of daughters than sons. Just the way of the world...and yes, sometimes it can appear to be judgmental...

My guess is that your parents might feel concerned that you will decide not to go to college because your friend isn't. So, continue to do your best in school, pursue sending applications to colleges and talk frequently to your parents about the goals in life that you dream about.

Let them know that you believe dating people with different life goals is a healthy thing to do. It gives you insight to the variety of people you will encounter and interact with every day during your adult life.

And, for right now, let them know that you are enjoying dating this young man and that he treats you well.

[ThatGirl47]

I just can't get the thought through my head that my parents would think I would not go to college. I have worked way too hard to not go to college. I have basically everything a college would want (high SAT/ACT, pretty good GPA and a very well rounded extracurricular resume). I started looking/planning for college when my brother went to college (he's 7 years older than me) and its something they know I want to pursue.

My father often describes me as a "tough old broad" (its joking, I know its sounds bad out of context) because I do not let other people decide my plans for me. This has held true my entire life; why would he think that is changing now? It's one boy and I'm leaving in a year to go to school far down south (I'm talking going to school in Georgia or North Carolina when I live in Philly right now). They really should just let me have fun.

My parents believe in accepting people as they are; however, dating them seems to be a crime. I'm just lost and don't know what to do because either way I go someone is not happy with me.

In case anybody is wondering I am the second daughter with a brother and sister that are older than me. My brother is an extremely successful businessman and my sister is a behavioral therapist. My brother is unmarried looking for "the one." My sister is 10 years older than me and she met a man in college and is now married. Her husband is not conventional in that he dropped out of college in his sophomore year. He now works at Radio Shack and buys and sells comic books and action figures for a living. Needless so say my parents hate him because he seems to mooch off of my sister. Maybe he's the reason why they are worried but my parents constantly point out how my sister and I may look almost identical but our personalities are complete opposites. I am the loud one that people do not push around. She is the quiet one that sometimes people do pick on because she is a slight pushover.

Hiya

Have you tried sitting down and telling them what you've told us? You seem very sensible and head screwed on right which they must know. I wonder if they'll listen if you do it in a calm manner? You could also tell them that you are having fun and will continue to date him anyway. Does it really matter to you if they do not like him? As long as they are not rude to the poor fella that is. Its your life, not theirs.

My parents have always found some fault over my boyfriends, personality or physically - and they come over as yours do, happy to accept anyone providing they're not dating their kid! Its not just a girl thing either with my parents, they've done the same with my brothers too. Anyway, gone off on a tangent here, sorry. I wish you luck and I hope you can enjoy dating still, and not let your parents spoil it a little.

ps - sometimes its not possible to please everyone all the time...

[NeutronStar]

Parents are stereotypically much more concerned about who their daughter is dating than who their son is dating. I agree with the above comments that they are not particularly enamoured with your bf because he is 1.) slightly older and 2.) not in college, and the general view of people not in college is that they are lazy and potentially a bad influence on their partner, in this case you, a pleasant, college going girl.

Just ask them WHY they don't like him and they will give you those reasons and try to dismiss it but tell them that you are in college, not high school anymore, and you are old enough to be making your own decisions in life, whether they are good ideas or bad, and in this case you have used your mature, rational judgement to decide that this particular relationship is good for you. They are concerned parents so will likely continue to press their opinions, but just keep asking why. Electricians can earn LOADS of money, especially if they start up their own firm, and farming is an enjoyable, natural and also lucrative career prospect.

Anyway, looking that far into the future is ridiculous, you're at college and have been dating 1.5 months, who's looking into careers at this point?! it's not as if you're getting married is it.

You need to have experience of dating who you want from your judgement so in future you will have an accurate compass pertaining to who is a douchebag and who is genuinely worth dating - and this guy seems nice, you said it yourself.

Any further problems, just message me, I will be happy to help.

Just talk to them about it, don't let them disallow you from seeing him without a fight!

Much love, and good luck

/NeutronStar

I think it's hard being as young as you are because it matters so much more what the family thinks. If it weren't for that I'd say who cares what they think but in this case, I guess you do have to consider them.

That being said, they are being judgemental. Lee said it quite well about college not being for everyone. I'll use myself as an example. I am a federal employee. The kicker is, I do not have a degree which is rare in my field. I am in IT doing programming and database development and taught/learned everything on my own or on the job. There are people in my field with degrees and know less than I do. I do not say that as a boast, but as an example that it does not automatically make you successful with a degree or vice versa. I worked hard to get where I am. So yeah, a degree isn't necessary.

The other thing is, I have very high respect for those that are very skilled in a trade whether it's electric, plumbing, machining or agriculture to name a few. The thing is these people actually can work much harder to reach the top than the average college worker that gets his job from a piece of paper. What that says to me, is that skilled workers are many times more dedicated to the work thy end up in simply for the fact it takes them years to get to where they are and it's not just scores on tests. They also have to love their work more because they have to learn their job by doing, more so than a college person taking all these courses that will never be used.

That's just my 2c.

What to do? try your best to talk to your family and I agree, they should get to know him better. I think that they are looking only at the surface, the book's cover, so-to-speak and they need to really dig in and learn the whole story about this guy. But to speak on their side, they are only thinking of your future even if he is just a high school bf right now. They want to see their child end up with someone they think will take care of her. They just need to recognize his trade choice as being potentially very lucrative.

Hope this helps. *hugs*