[armydad]

Son returnng from Afghanistan. He's married, no kids. Will get 1 hr with family as soon as steps off plane, then debriefed for 1 wk+. Wife offered to ride with daughter in law to meet son. DIL is deflecting. Wife feels unfair. I tend to agree but think that not worth fight as son is healthy.
Should this be dropped?

[jadzea]

Yes. DIL should come first in your sons esteem and desire to see his family. I know it is hard but you will be able to see him in one week. He has been gone how long? One more week won't hurt. At least you know he is safe and comfortable.

[Leed]

Personally I don't see the harm in mom going along -- it's not like they're going to get to be "intimate" or anything. Mom would LOVE to see her son!! I don't blame her! She's been worried sick since he's been gone, and she's dying to see him! No one has the love for anyone like a mother for her son! It wouldn't kill DIL to let Mom ride along. She and husband can still talk alone it they want, but at least let Mom SEE him.

Those are just the thoughts of another mother.

[Harley47]

Before I say anything, thank your son on my behalf for his service. He's a hero.

Mom certainly has every right to see her son, but I do understand the wife's position as well. I think she (mom) should definitely be able to see her son step off the plane, but I do think it's understandable if the DIL and your son would like some privacy, though I do second Leed in that they aren't going to be doing anything, so I don't understand the DIL's trepidation. It's hard to call either way, as they both have a case, but I don't think it's entirely fair that DIL would request your wife simply not go...she has a right to be there.

Do you think they can come to some sort of agreement?

[insecurity]

As a military wife of 17 yrs I have to say that mom needs to wait. This time is for his immediate family. Nothing against mom but there is a lot of stress on a marriage when a spouse deploys.

My husband is currently deployed. I have no intention of anyone except my children and I being there when he comes home. It can be too overwhelming and waiting one more week will not hurt anyone.

It is best for the military member to have only those there that they are expecting so it does not becoming overwhelming and too stressful. Tensions can rise quickly and honestly his wife wants all of his attention right now. She deserves it too.

Insecurity

[armydad]

Appreciate all the responses and the thanks for our sons service. I was a military dependent and fortunate to have lived in Bangkok at the height of the Vietnam War (Tet Offensive). My father was a Korean and Vietnam Vet. My oldest son is on his third deployment, 2 in Iraq, at 29. He turned 19 on his first deployment and grew and 1 1/2". My second son is a Naval Officer on the Stennis currently deployed in the Persian Gulf. I have been around the military all my life.

I certainly understand both positions. I do understand my wife's position as she only has one first son. Fortunately for me, while my parents were alive, my wife was always trying to balance our time between mine and her families. She had a close relationship with my mother and wishes she'd get the same opportunity. She would have "shared" at such an event. All that said, I can still hear my Mother saying "wife comes first".

Bottom line, I don't want my son in the middle.