[Lookingtoafuture]

I started a friendship with someone somewhat younger then I (13 years). We have the same profession. We spent a lot of time getting to know each other while dating others. We are so close that we can look at eachother and know what the other is thinking without a word. We have so much fun doing silly things like going food shopping to sitting drinking coffee or wine and discussing topics related to our profession. After six months, we became exclusive and started a year and a half of on again/ off again relationship. We parted ways for two months and then my boyfriend said he loved me and could overcome his issues. We got back together. He got very serious, bought a family vehicle and often referred to me as his future wife or Mrs. So and So. Things were great for six months and then his depression started to cycle and although we didn't break up things got rocky. Then I found out about some of the people he dated on our break, that he never disclosed. I worked to get over the hiding more then the actual dating. For whatever reason, those rebounds were needed to bring him back to me. Three weeks ago he decided the issues were getting too hard to deal with and we should break. I am heartbroken, I thought he was all in. Professing his 100% dedication and love for me. He told me the rollercoasters were miserable without me. Its horrible not being with the one you love. Now let me tell you his issues:
1) I have three children. (He said its difficult to complain because they are great kids and they love him. He is always talking about them to everyone. but his issue is that I have them and makes him feel like he is in a time warp. 2) I have an ex husband. 3) We are in different stages in life (but he is an old soul he says and that he doesn't relate to people his age so that is why we get along so well)
For the past three weeks he has not stopped calling or texting every night. Telling me how he lost his best friend and little things that he misses about me. Sometimes he goes on and on for a couple hours. I asked him to stop because I am hurting and this is what he wanted. I can't not respond, because I miss him and want him back. My question is this: Can counseling help him to deal with his issues of the relationship so we can have a future together? Are these issues something that can be worked with if we love eachother this much. I can't imagine losing the love of our lives because we can't handle a situation that can not be changed. I love my children, and have full custody of them. I wouldn't want them to go anywhere. They love him and my youngest knows him better then her biologic father.

[IceCreamKid]

I write this with the kindest of intentions. A bipolar man who is 13 years younger than you is a poor prospect for a lasting marriage. If your child doesn't know her biological father and it is at all possible, please facilitate her getting to know him.

[Leed]

I have to agree with IceCream Kid that even with counseling and medication, that is no CURE, and you'd be setting yourself up for a lot of pain and heartache, and it would be doubly hard on the children! These episodes won't just stop because he gets treatment -- they may subside some, but they won't stop.

Please don't put your children and yourself thru this. It just isn't fair! Your kids have already been thru enough pain by losing ONE father -- dont' make them lose another. And if they don't have any contact with their biological father, please fix it so that they DO, unless he's a danger to them. They have a right to know who he is, and HE has a right to know his own children. Do whatever needs to be done to get them together.

I wish you all the best. I know this isn't what you wanted to hear, but in the end, it's the best for all concerned. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee