[WorriedStepmom22]

I will try to shorten this up as much as possible. My husband and I have 4 boys between us. 18 months, 8, 9, and his son is 11. We have been married for a year, his 11 year old lives with his mom and stays with us every other weekend. My father-in-law told my husband yesterday that our 11 year old was showing his 6 year old cousin pornographic pictures on his phone and then tried to stick his "penis in his booty hole". My husband and I looked on his email and he has also signed up for a website called "face-to-face", where he can view naked pictures of women, it's like a dirty dating website. He's not read, written or received messages on it, but is just looking at the pictures. He put the bare minimum information to sign up: username, no picture, 18 year old male and city. I realize that boys are curious, and my stepson is getting to the age where his friends are talking about sex and those things, but I feel like the cousin issue is very serious. 6 year old is torn up about what happened, and I know that my stepson knows that kind of thing is wrong. We monitor at our house all Internet and tv activity very closely but I don't know what limitations he has at he moms. I knw she wouldn't allow things like this either, she is a good mom, is very religious and he has a good home life at both houses. However, her father has been known to have a pornography addiction, and our 11 year old goes over there frequently. I'm not trying to place blame or accuse him of exposing our oldest to these things but I have to consider all possibilities. We have three other boys to worry about as well, and so many questions. How long has he been doing these things, how many other kids has he tried this with, how would he know how to find material like that, why would he have tried ths with his cousin. He is very smart, and very mature for his age so I knw he knows better, but at the same time he is incredibly stand offish with people, he's very very quiet and emotional. He's a hypochondriac and is constantly complaining of headaches, stomach aches, doesn't want to go to school a lot, gets very upset about minor things and is very emotional. His mom does unfortunately baby him, and enables a lot of those issues, but I can't help but think that the way he acts and now with this new issue that something has happened to him or he has been subject to some kind of abuse, whether sexually or physically. Maybe I'm taking it too far, but I just am beside myself on how to handle this. Is any of this behavior normal, and how do we address this to his mother, and to him, and I just need advice. We HAVE had the "talk" when we saw that he had searched the word "sex" on my husbands iPad several months ago, explained the whole thing about these are grown up things and are inappropriate for him to do and look at and all of the normal things you're supposed to say when this kind of issue comes up, but now this. What do we do? My husband isn't taking it well, and is blaming himself like he went wrong somewhere or has failed in leading him in the right direction as his father and a man, and we are just very lost and don't know how to handle this without causing anymore emotional or self-esteem issues. Not to mention, how to deal with how the 6 year old is handling it, or how many others this has happened to in our family that we dont know about. Please help!

[JustLikeHeaven]

WOW!

I don't want to give you a standard answer but this REALLY needs to be handled by a professional.

Although 11 yrs old is a little young, there is nothing wrong with an 11 yr old boy being sexually curious (I am sure you know this.)

The problems arise with how he has 'expressed' his curiosity. You MAY be right about sexual abuse (the hypochondria and the **** entry raise red flags). I would STRONGLY suggest you take BOTH children to a therapist and try to get to the bottom of what is going on.

******I am NOT a professional so, while my advice to seek help should be taken, don't jump to any conclusions about the 'why' of it happening. I don't know your son, the situation and don't want to see you falsely accuse anyone of misconduct.*****

It is really not at all normal for an 11-year-old to act out this kind of behavior on other children, and eleven is a bit on the young side for this kind of sexual curiousity to be starting. This needs to be handled by a professional as soon as possible.

Also, his mom needs to be made aware of what is going on. He needs absolutely NO internet access except when completely supervised until he's had some therapy and things seem better under control. I would personally ask his mom to limit access to his grandfather without being supervised by his mother. It is quite possible that he has become exposed to this while around his grandfather, probably from a lack of supervision.

Please get both boys to a therapist as soon as possible. If he had done this to someone not in the family, it could have been reported to child services and much greater consequences could have come into play. Also, please closely supervise his contact with your other children and any friends. This needs to be closely watched until changes are seen through therapy.

[lynn P.]

I agree with Leed and Farmergirl - this needs to be handled by a professional. An 11 yr old shouldn't be having a phone which allows him internet access 24/7 or any other internet device which allows him privacy. Any devices also need a parental filter, so if he types inappropriate things in, it'll be blocked. His parent also needs to have an age appropriate talk about sex and some morals such as - you need to be an adult to have sex, never force anyone and you need to love the person before you engage in sex. The parent needs to have this sex talk because he's already seen way too much at this point. He needs to clearly understand you don't touch anyones private parts. Don't ignore this problem. Sorry this is happening.