[lynnhill]

Hello Everyone,

My boyfriend of three years has recently begun to suffer from depression. His depression has been brought on due to a recent lawsuit between his business partners and himself. Earlier this year it was discovered two of the four business partners were mishandling the books and now my bf and other partner are trying to save the business while also deal with ongoing legal battles.

My bf has always been full of life and happiness. He always saw the good in everyone and always wanted to help those he could. As the year has gone on and we have learned more about the financial impact, along with the lawsuits he has gotten more angry, sad, and depressed.

A few months ago he told me that he is so stressed out and just trying to get by the each day. He feels bad that he has nothing else to give me. He tells me that he loves me and wants to be there for me, but that he just has no energy. He says he wants to get past the legal battle and the financial impact and once the dust settles he then will be in a better place to be in a relationship.

As the months have gone by he has become more depressed and he has been pulling away more. He is less responsive to text and phone messages. I asked him if he is no longer interested in me and he says he still loves me but his whole life is consumed with what is going on. He says on the weekends he is so depressed that sometimes he just lays on the couch all day and doesn't want to be around anyone. He is on depression mediation and takes a sleeping pill. I have told him I am here for him and that I'm not going anywhere. He keeps telling me that I would be better off without him and that I deserve someone better. Then he tells me he loves me and misses me and wishes things would just get better. I try to send him little cards, text messages and phone calls.

I'm just so sad that I feel I lost the man I feel in love with. I'm hoping when this all settles in the next few months he will be the man I feel in love with. I just wonder does he love me? It's hard when he doesn't call or want to talk as much. It makes me feel like he is mad at me? I know he is so depressed, but if makes me feel like it is me.

Is this normal for someone to pull away? Is it normal for the partner to not feel loved and lonely? Do they still love us?

[carebirdy]

It is hard sharing a life with a person who is depressed. Have you talked to him about counseling? For him or for you two as a couple?

[Livebythesea]

In my experience it is totally normal to pull away, doubt your self worth and sit on the couch all day during a depressive episode. His life is in no way the same as it was and he sounds like he is very much impacted by stress and that the situation is not resolved. I am the same way...and when the situation changes, gets somewhat resolved etc I improve. Hang in there if you can and hopefully when the dust settles, no matter the outcome, he will be able to come out of it.

[Dan12345]

Just reading this reminds me of myself around 12 months ago, depression is a horrid thing and It's even worse when in a relationship, just stick through it he loves you, my girlfriend told me she needed my depression to ease as it was killing her inside, it made things worse. Try backing away abit but still sjow support that's what sorted me out.

If you ever need to vent msg me I've been where your bf is and its nit nice.

Dan

[shezbut]

Welcome to PC,

I'm sorry that you and your bf are going through a difficult time. His symptoms do sound like depression to me, all very common for major depression. I'd advise him to try anti-depressants, see a counselor, and push himself to participate in positive experiences (to make his life feel less miserable).

Regarding your Q's about his love for you...it is absolutely normal for those with depression to pull away from those that we love. A part of us wishes that we could be happy, like we used to be ~ but it feels a million miles away! A lot of Q's about the future plague us. We kick ourselves for missing "obvious errors" in the past. It's very hard for us to simply enjoy the present time. We feel guilty for pulling away from those that we love, but we Q our worthiness for those that we care about. We think that they deserve better than we can give them. The thoughts and feelings grow more strong the longer we put off getting professional help.

The positive side is that your bf doesn't sound as though he's combated major depression for as long as you've been together. I'd encourage your bf to get help now and try to nip this major depression in the bud, rather than letting it continue to go on and on. Your bf's life has changed a lot since this lawsuit began. His depression won't magically fade away after the lawsuit ends.

Very best wishes to you and your bf!

[lynnhill]

Originally Posted by carebirdy

It is hard sharing a life with a person who is depressed. Have you talked to him about counseling? For him or for you two as a couple?

Currently he is seeking counseling and I have just recently considered talking to someone for myself and how to be supportivel

[lynnhill]

It's really hard when I do talk with my bf that one moment he seems to be in a good mood and then he switches and starts to get depressed. Today we talked and he was fine at the beginning and then he said how stressed he was and that he wants me to move on with my life and to be happy. He says that the legal battle can go on longer than expected and he doesn't see things working out of him for awhile. When I asked him about our future he told me that he doesn't care about me and that he doesn't see me in his future. I asked him if he was just being a jerk, I told him I wanted the truth. He said the truth is he wants me to be happy and to move on with my life and forgot about him. He gets me so confused and then upset. I told him to just be honest with me. I told him again I wasn't going anywhere and for him to stop acting mean. He tried to blame me for how upset he is and says that I push his buttons on times, but doesn't remember anything that he has done to me. I told him to stop and that I wasn't going anywhere and that I love him and that we are facing the future together. At the end of the call I said I love you and he told me not to say that, then I repeated it and he said that he wants me to move on. He then said he loves me.

It's so hard when his emotions are all over the place and then he starts to blame me for his ups and downs at times then says he has to take responsiblity for his own emotions. It makes me so confused as do I just walk away and say good luck and call me when things get better or do I stay.

Since we live apart (long distance) when he gets mad he always says well it's not like you are down the street or that I'm moving. Since day one I have always told him that I would move, but until things are settled I'm not willing to move right now. But I hate when he says these things to just get me made.

With him pushing me away... should I just go???

[shezbut]

Read my post to you again, more slowly ~ allowing yourself to fully digest what I was telling you.

I know how frustrating and confusing we can be to our loved ones as we battle the darkness in our minds. We need help! You can't make your bf go to a therapist (T), but you can urge him to seek out professional help. Be honest, and tell your bf how much you love him, but you're confused and frustrated with the way he's been acting. Go on to say that you aren't willing to move his way until you do start seeing him trying to gain better control over his negative behavior. Btw, be specific with the types of behavior which would be positive signs to you.

You may need to step back a little bit, to protect yourself from feeling as though he's pushing you away. But, must you pull away completely? Does it have to be 100%, or can you step away a little and continue to be an important part of his life? Think about those Q's blending logic with your emotions ~ that will be the answer that you're looking for.

Best wishes!