[geez]

Did anyone reading this ever marry someone to be rescue from their current situation?? I've come to the conclusion that I ran into my husbands arms because he was rescuing me from my family. When I married him I divorced my family :

Now what to do?

[Leed]

Same here. My parents were both alcoholics, and I married my husband to escape from the madness -- plus my parents were VERY pleased that I was marrying into that family and I was almost forced to marry. I was 18 and only 4 days out of high school. (no I wasn't pregnant).

It lasted 26 years, but he was an abusive jerk. We were catholic, but I just couldn't stand it anymore, so I divorced him, catholic or not.

[geez]

I'm sorry Leed that your husband was abusive towards you. My husband is very supportive and good to me in many ways but can try to be controlling as he suffers from anxiety etc....

A part of me thinks I should leave him.

[shezbut]

Yes, my ex-hub saved me from the growing resentment and discomfort I felt towards my family. I kept trying to escape my family, but it was just impossible! My hub is/was a decent man, but I don't think that I truly loved him. We were more friends than anything else. That brought up a lot of guilt and self-hate inside of me.

Gentle hugs to you geez! What makes you tempted to leave your hub now? Is it a lack of love for him, or frustration with his mental illness(es)?

Good one! I never thought of that my friend, that a husband/wife was rescuing you from something, sounds like there could be something there! I was running from a life of nothingness and marriage sounded like the allure of the army might be to some lost souls, some structure and purpose. Now I'm Lieutenant Captain of the SSR Bustamante Family, and I sometimes ask, how did I get here? I was just trying to make it in a dog eat dog world! Lol but when it's all said and done, I am right where I'm posed to be, so there's people who count on me now and when I count my blessings, blessings are all I have. You too beloved?

[geez]

Originally Posted by shezbut

Yes, my ex-hub saved me from the growing resentment and discomfort I felt towards my family. I kept trying to escape my family, but it was just impossible! My hub is/was a decent man, but I don't think that I truly loved him. We were more friends than anything else. That brought up a lot of guilt and self-hate inside of me.

Gentle hugs to you geez! What makes you tempted to leave your hub now? Is it a lack of love for him, or frustration with his mental illness(es)?

Oh my. I'm so glad you wrote that. That sums exactly what is going on with me. WOW!

How did you deal with it shezbut? I wonder if there is a way to save my marriage?? The part about him I can't stand is his condescending tone when he talks to our kids and sometimes me.

[shezbut]

Originally Posted by geez

...How did you deal with it shezbut? I wonder if there is a way to save my marriage?? The part about him I can't stand is his condescending tone when he talks to our kids and sometimes me.

Well geez,

I'd definitely recommend marital counseling, especially since you have children together. Bringing up your concerns about how you perceive your hub talking to the children really should be worked through.

I recall that I'd started having panic attacks shortly before my ex and I were married. In them, I questioned my true love for my fiance. Of course, I questioned everything though! He would listen to me ~ and reassure me that he often felt love from me. I went through spells like these (once or twice per year) throughout our 17 year marriage. It sucked!

I didn't believe in divorce ~ I wanted to make our marriage work somehow. It does take two to tango though. My ex wasn't real excited about seeing a counselor, but he agreed to do so, as we have 2 children. In the first visit with the counselor, she got information on our lives from us, and then gave us homework to do. I think that it was writing down a frustrating incident that occurred that week, stopping to think about it from our partner's perspective, and then writing down whether or not our feelings changed. If so, how?

I did the homework and felt better about the marriage. We talked about that in our 2nd meeting. On ex-hub's turn: he didn't do the homework. He said that he wanted to separate & probably divorce. I was blown away and devastated! It wasn't easy at all for me to accept.

Very best wishes to you geez!!

Great advice Shez! Hope it helps you geez.