[Danininja]

So, that boyfriend and I, we have officially broken up and I have moved back in with my family..that's a whole nother story. My thread today deals with my incompatance in the relationship, and more specific, the dating world...Most of my adult life relationships have fallen in my lap without me actually "dating"..and at this point I'm not looking for a relationship...but there is a guy I like.
I've known him for three years because he used to come into my bar when I was a bartender. I've always thought he was cute, but we always held a strict platonic relationship, no flirting involved or anything....a year had gone by since we last saw each other until a couple of weeks ago, I ran into him at a bar in the town 20 minutes from here (where I used to bartend). His band was playing at the bar and once they wrapped up we got to talking, and a little more and I gave him my number before I left.
He called the following Tuesday like he said he would...picked me up on his motorcycle (he lives 30 minutes away) and we went back to his place....I was assuming a ONS and the next morning he dropped me off home. The following Saturday I went to his town to drink at the bars there with some friends, called him, he met up with us and we went back to his house where I spent the night and ALL the next day...
THe whole time we are together we cuddle, and joke...than this morning he calls me to tell me he will be in my town...by 5 pm I call him and he said that his plans got canceled so he's not coming to town but he'll be in town tomorrow. Now, my problem is, I'm starting to like him...I dont want a relationship...but I do want to keep this casual thing going....I just don't know how he feels about me....any guy been in this situation who can offer some advise?

[elvinchild]

Perhaps you could just have a conversation about it? Now that you guys have been hanging out for awhile, it wouldn't be unreasonable to ask him where he sees this heading. You could tell him that you enjoy your time together but since you just got out of relationship you can't offer anything serious, and that you just wanted to be forthcoming and honest about it - ask him if he is happy with the casual connection too. It's always best to be on the same page!

[Bill3]

If you keep seeing him, I wonder if you will get drawn into strong, relationship-type feelings whether you want them or not.

[Danininja]

I spent the day with him and his friends yesterday and we went hiking for a few hours than went to one of my friend's house to drink..it was really nice and I'm so conflicted with my feelings...I'm still not on the path of creating a relationship out of this...but the more time I spend with him the more I appreciate the friendship that is building....so now I don't even know if it's just sex with him or if he actually enjoys the time we hang out too.

[BonnieG2010]

May I ask why you don't want a relationship?

You did not say that you do not want a relationship so soon after breaking up. You said you just don't want it.
But then you think about his feelings? Why on earth? If your decisions are taken and clear, why would you mind what is that he's thinking?

[Danininja]

I don't want a relationship with him. I never really actually looked at him and tried picturing a future with him...but the time I spend with him is always such a fantastic time...not that it matters anymore anyway. He called me a couple of days ago to inform me that he had met someone in his town who he's really hit it off with and wants to pursue something with her...It was pretty disappointing to hear but I think mostly because of my ego being taken down a notch. But we did make plans to hang out again and go hiking. So as long as I still have that friendship with him I'm cool with it. Besides, he knew I wasn't looking for a relationship either so I can't really expect him to wait around until I do.