[Stranger516]

Hi,

This is a little complicated so bare with me here,

I am catholic, my boyfriend is Jewish. We are in a serious relationship and have been for a few years. Eventually we plan on getting married and starting a family.

My boyfriend has two catholic half brothers (from different father) and two Jewish siblings (from his Jewish father, the mom converted to Judaism for second husband.)

My boyfriends mother and two half siblings celebrate Christmas. In fact, growing up there as always a Christmas tree in my boyfriends house since his two 1/2 brothers and mom still celebrate Christmas. My bf and his two siblings were brought up Jewish and celebrate Hanukkah along with the mother, father, and fathers side of family.

During the holidays his family celebrate Hanukkah and they all always go over to my boyfriend relatives house (from his mothers side) on Christmas to celebrate. My boyfriend and his two Jewish siblings get small "holiday gifts" from his catholic siblings and relatives since they are Jewish, and we buy Christmas gifts for his nieces/nephews. Mostly it is just the kids (from catholic side) opening gifts on this day.

I get very depressed during the holidays because I think of when we have children, I fear that when we bring them over to his mothers side of the family's house to celebrate Christmas that they will be sitting there watching the other children from the catholic side of the family open gifts and will feel left out since they will not be getting christmas presents since my bf is Jewish.

My side of the family will of course get my children Christmas gifts, but it really bothers me that my kids will have to sit there and watch their cousins open gifts at my boyfriends family's house on Christmas. I don't want them to get confused and wonder why they got Christmas presents from my side of the family and not their fathers side and have to watch their cousins open the Christmas gifts.

How can this be explained to a child? Will they even care? Am I making this into a bigger deal than it is?

It also saddens me because I love to decorate for the holidays, however my bf is not crazy about decorating at all. He said it is fine for me to have a Christmas tree but as for outside house decorations that is a no, not even Hanukkah decorations...

I get upset because I want to be able to do things with my kids for Christmas like I used to do as a child: bring them to NYC to see the Christmas tree...etc. I feel like I can't do that with a Jewish husband. It really upsets me every year during the holiday season.

I don't really like to bring up the subject to discuss it with him because I get so sensitive about it and it usually ends up in an argument. While I understand my bf has a different religion than I do, I just really want my children to be able to celebrate MY holiday the way I did as well as their fathers holiday.

Can someone tell me if I am totally overreacting to this? Does it make sense for his family to only give my kids Hanukkah presents since my bf is Jewish, even though his mother and two half siblings also celebrate Christmas along with myself? Will there ever be a happy medium here???

Thanks for any advice!

[Leed]

Just my opinion, but I don't see why your children can't celebrate YOUR Christmas JUST AS YOU DID as a child, and go to NYC, have a tree, etc.,. They should not have to lose out on the holiday season just because your husband is Jewish.

Are the children going to be brought up Jewish, or Christian? Either way, I still think they should see Christmas as YOU saw it as a child. It would be so difficult to explain to children why they don't get gifts when everyone else does. I can see how that would hurt a child terribly -- especially when they're young. How do you explain that to a 4 or 5 year old and make them understand? All they're thinking of is a present!

Even if your husband wants to bring them up Jewish, I still think it's only "fair" to let them see what "Mom" experienced as a child. It's only once a year.

I hope hubby will let them see a "little bit of your childhood." God bless and please take care. Big hugs, Lee