[behappy15]

My boyfriend of 2 years has three kids. One from a previous marriage, and two with an ex gf. He is 10 years older than me. I am 30 never been married, no kids. He is 40, married & divorced once with 3 kids. For the first 4 months of our relationship I did not know he has kids. I had my doubts, and asked but he denied it. I ended up finding out some information and confronting him and he then admitted to me. I was devastated to say the least. Since then I decided to not give up. swallow my pride and give it a shot. Two years later I am still with him. I help him take care of his two youngest kids that he has with the ex gf and spend more time with them than their own mother. I do their homework, make their lunches, take them to school on ceratin days and watch them multiple times throughout the week. He works nights and his gf is a nurse. She is the kind of mother that makes her work schedule before she knows who will be able to watch her kids. She is a HUGE issue for me. She is incompetent, inconsiderate and selfish. I can say these things bc I have seen them all, they are not being said thru anger towards her. When she calls last minute, I am the one that ends up watching the kids. I have no contact with her, nor have I have I ever since we started dating 2 years ago. I do not trust the relationship he has with her at all. They have a very "heated" relationship where they always text and argue back and forth. They rarely if ever talk on the phone and if they do, he leaves the room. I feel as though our relationship very much suffers bc of her. He claims he is not going to let his kids suffer because of her, but I just don't buy that excuse. I really do feel he needs to stand up for our relationship and our time together and let her know that she needs to be more responsible. Due to past instances, I also do not trust whenever they are together. They have been on and off for over 8 years until he met me. We broke up for a short period of time last year just before Xmas and I found out that she was over there on Xmas day. Lots of drama and baggage here, but I honestly do love him. What can I do to make this situation better for me and our relationship's future?

[Leed]

Well, first of all you need to stand up for YOURSELF. You can't be walked on unless you lay on the floor. MAKE her be more responsible by refusing to be the nanny for these kids unless you're going to be PAID for it, or unless you WANT to. She's being very rude by ASSUMING that you'll be available to watch the children -- she needs to check with you in advance before just dropping them off! And I don't mean an HOUR in advance. How about several DAYS in advance? And it IS okay to say NO. She will have to make other arrangements. And if she can't find someone else, I guess she'll have to stay HOME. These are HER KIDS. Not yours. You are not obligated to watch them 5 days a week FOR FREE. That's not fair --- and if your boyfriend doesn't like it, he can go fly a kite. You're not married. And even if you were, most of these "rules" would apply!

So stand up for yourself. And like I said, if BF doesn't like it, HE can watch the kids.

God bless and please take care. You've gone above & beyond what you should. Hugs, Lee