[djjonson]

is this bad? i have realized the only girls ive ever liked were becuase they were into me. when they stopped liking me, i stopped liking them. Wat does this say about me, is this bad, advice?

Seems ok, in a way. Maybe it's because you are flattered when you realise that they like you, that you start to look at them differently? And I have also stopped liking people when they dont like me, it seems pointless when not reciprocated.

I have however, in my youth, had a few crushes on my fav musicians. I guess that was pointless, but it was fun at the time.

If you're happy the way you are, then is it a problem for you?

[hamster-bamster]

I agree with riotgrrrl: it is flattering, it strokes our egos, and it is rational - you do not want to go on pointless trips.

Originally Posted by djjonson

is this bad? i have realized the only girls ive ever liked were becuase they were into me. when they stopped liking me, i stopped liking them. Wat does this say about me, is this bad, advice?

Seems like a pretty good deal to me... You don't have to deal with that awkwardness of being in love with them years after they've stopped enjoying the pleasure of your company.

[Odee]

Just means you aren't wasting your time with unrequited love. Sounds good to me. B)

[hamster-bamster]

It can also mean that you are risk-averse in general. How are you in other areas of life - a risk-loving risk-taker or risk-averse?

[djjonson]

Risks? If someone asks me if i wanna join in, i almost always say yes. I dont go out of my way to look for risks. But ive done some really risky stuff. But ive never done drigs or damaged someones property or anything like that

[djjonson]

But i feel like im not able to like people. Like im a bit ashamed of how i only really like people who like me. Its self centered

[hamster-bamster]

Maybe stop analyzing it for awhile and it would help matters.

[Jan1212]

I would think that you're afraid of getting hurt, so you don't take a chance and exert yourself onto someone.

I am sensitive and usually I am not the one who plans a party but accepts an invitation becus of fear of getting rejected, my self esteem is low, and that's how I seek approval, I am still working on it

[Another Link]

Originally Posted by djjonson

is this bad? i have realized the only girls ive ever liked were becuase they were into me. when they stopped liking me, i stopped liking them. Wat does this say about me, is this bad, advice?

This is awesome! Honestly, the fact that there is a chance you won't have to deal with unrequited love? Enjoy it, embrace it, rejoice in it!

Originally Posted by djjonson

But i feel like im not able to like people. Like im a bit ashamed of how i only really like people who like me. Its self centered

It seems that you may have low levels of cortical arousal. In which case, it may take more to capture your affections (or attention or anything else) than the norm. Thrill-seekers and risk takers tend to have low levels of cortical arousal.

I don't know if there have been any studies on the relationship between cortical arousal and building attachments, though I'd put money on there being a negative correlation between low cortical arousal and strong interpersonal relationships.

My sole question is, are there other things about them that attract you or are you attracted to being attractive to others? What I mean is, when someone is attracted to you, does anything else matter about them? What about their personalities or physical looks? Anything? If it's simply that they like you that might not bode well for long term relationships since after awhile even when both are attracted, the initial infatuation or "fire" goes down a bit and we're left with whatever's left and if there's nothing beyond that factor there you'll get bored and won't find anything in them anymore.

On the surface it may not seem like a bad thing. You can't be with someone that isn't attracted to you so it works fine but if it's the only thing that attracts you, I can see this as a problem.

[djjonson]

Low cortical arousal? Isnt that like a nice way of saying im dumb? When someone likes me i begin to see all the good things about them. When they stop liking me, i see all their bad things/flaws.

Originally Posted by djjonson

Low cortical arousal? Isnt that like a nice way of saying im dumb? When someone likes me i begin to see all the good things about them. When they stop liking me, i see all their bad things/flaws.

It has nothing whatsoever to do with your intelligence.

[Stranger516]

Originally Posted by djjonson

is this bad? i have realized the only girls ive ever liked were becuase they were into me. when they stopped liking me, i stopped liking them. Wat does this say about me, is this bad, advice?

I think this has to do with "thrill of the chase"

It's almost like fishing. When they "like" you, they cast off and hook you. Then they start reeling you in (continue to like/flirt with you). Then they finally catch you (you like them back.) There is no thrill anymore..... they get bored with you and throw you back into the water. You stop liking them since they threw you back in.

Crazy analogy I know! But it sounds right...

[djjonson]

Its a good analogy. I see your point. Do you think most highschool relationships are like that? Basically they never work out cuz as soon as the fish is caught, the thrill is over? Are all relationships like that?

Originally Posted by djjonson

Its a good analogy. I see your point. Do you think most highschool relationships are like that? Basically they never work out cuz as soon as the fish is caught, the thrill is over? Are all relationships like that?

NO they are not all like that but could be more common with younger people. I had my first gf in high school and dated her for about 2 years so no it's neither how all relationships are nor even all high school relationships. Just like anywhere else the best ones are the hardest ones to find.

There is a bit of chase in every courtship though. If it fizzles out after the chase it's just that there wasn't any chemistry left outside of the physical attraction. When there is, it's inevitable it will last longer, have hope! She's out there!