[Rhapsody]

Can you tell me what you know about emotionally unavailable men and why they become like this even though they say they still love the woman they have spent the last 30 years of their life being married to.

[Squaw]

Originally Posted by Rhapsody

Can you tell me what you know about emotionally unavailable men and why they become like this even though they say they still love the woman they have spent the last 30 years of their life being married to.

If I had the answer to that one, I probably wouldn't have gone thru a divorce this past August..! He says he can't even hear my voice, so anytime he has ever contacted me, it was thru texting...If you figure this out, please post for the rest of us to know..Thanks

[Rhapsody]

I will do that...... I am learning a few things about this problem and the fear some men carry and in spite of my husband suffering from it I am committed to loving him and standing by his side during this confusing change in his life at 48 yrs old.

[sugahorse1]

I think it's the vast majority of men.
My boyfriend of 7 years is the same, and right ow I'm really battling with it

[Rhapsody]

I often find these men are afraid of being close to any one they care about in fear of loosing them........ this generally comes from events that has occurred in their early childhood / teen years and come out as they age and their emotions deepen for some one in particular.

i'd be careful about stereotyping anyone, men or women. I dont' think you can easily say what causes a man to become emotionally unavailable, I just don't think there's any single explanation nor do I think it happens all the time. In the cases when it does you'd have to look at the men, and analyze what they've been through and are going through at the time. Outside of that I think it's a pretty impossible thing to answer without actually knowing the man and his inner workings.

[Gaijin]

Will one of you ladies please define "emotionally unavailable"? The term seems to be some kind of female code.

[sunrise]

I found this definition:
http://www.ehow.com/about_5050359_de...available.html

Definition of Emotionally Unavailable
The term "emotionally unavailable" usually refers to those who create barriers between themselves and others in an effort to avoid emotional intimacy. Relationships with emotionally unavailable people are often depressing and distressing, as their partners end up feeling neglected, unloved and unwanted. Emotionally unavailable people will actually seek out relationships with others, but the problems begin when they are unable to commit fully to their relationships. Because emotionally unavailable people often behave as if they want to be in a relationship, it’s important to be able to recognize the signs that a person is emotionally unavailable.

I think of someone who is emotionally unavailable (can be a male or female) as fearing emotional intimacy and withholding themselves from their partner. I think the withholding can be very deliberate (they are scared to be intimate because they will get hurt) or due to ignorance. I believe some people just don't know how to be emotionally intimate--perhaps their parents were cold and withholding themselves and so they had no healthy emotional role models. Whether the withholding is deliberate or not, the partner generally ends up getting hurt.

[continuosly blue]

Hi Squaw , Although everyone's comments have some truth to it your post seems to come very close to the truth. I'm an emotionally available man and am compleatly opposite of a womans description of a man. My wife never learned how to show an emotional side except when we argue ! I think that during a long marriage things change ! People get older. Love is lost. It is very complcated. I wear my emotions on my sleeve and if your with the wrong partner it can just mean much sorrow.

cb