[winterprincess0712]

so I've been dating this guy for almost two moths and we are alike in a lot of ways. he's really great. his ex wife cheated on him and he has trust issues and so do i because we have both been cheated on. i know for sure i want to spend the rest of my life with him but how can i get over the trust issues and when he's around my confidence is really low because i don't think i'm good enough for him how can i get over these problems?

Heya and welcome!

Trust is one of those hard things. You've been together for nearly two months, has he done anything to make you not trust him in that time? If its no, try and hang on to that thought - that he's done nothing to make you distrust him. In a way, having him know the pain of being cheated on, makes him more of a kindred spirit - but it helps to keep talking. Talking, I think, is one of the most important things in a relationship. Having someone that you can talk to can help so much with trust.

And... confidence. That's a bit harder to get some of. You say that you feel low when you're with him. Another thought to hang on to - You're with him! It's that simple. He likes you, he likes being with you. He's not with some other lady, nope, he's with you! And there must be many many good qualities to you, otherwise he'd not be with you right? Remember too, he's darn lucky to have you!

Also, I say this a lot here, but confidence can be built in relationships by making your own life richer. Its not healthy to ever put too much pressure on someone else for your happiness or think you're not good enough. A partner should compliment you, not be the whole of you. I think by having nights out with good friends, doing a night class that's fun anything that you love doing helps build confidence and also stops makes the relationship more even and healthy. Plus it gives you loads to talk about when you do see each other!!

Hugs

Trust is really an active thing, it's very much based on what you do with your experiences. Thing is, if you, right now focus all your attention on what has happened to you but people in the past, you're basing your trust on a more global scale, in other words you're saying you can't trust him because OTHER people are cheaters. I know this is easier to say than it is to put into practice but here's what I do. Think in the now, the current relationship. Dont' even focus on it in a negative way looking for why you shouldn't distrust him, how he HASN'T cheated, how HASN'T lied to you etc. Instead focus on what he'd doing. He's always there, or he's always been honest with you etc... In a way you shift your beliefs about someone. So coming from the belief that he's good, he's faithful and true, you look for things that will strengthen that belief. Over time, this will grow and it will become second nature. So when you start from thinking about how trustworthy he is, you'll notice how he always tells you where he's going, for example and each time he does you're remided of this. I've heard this described as putting legs under the table, which is your belief. The more things you find to support this idea, the more legs, and teh stronger your belief, and in this case your trust will become.

I know I've rambled a bit but I hope this makes sense and helps.

And congrats on finding someone worth doing this for! *hugs*