[Lexicon78]

I have 2 friends. Andy and my friend Elaine. Well, they've always talked badly about this one girl, Heather. Well, I met Heather.

They've said how much of a mooch she is, that she just uses people, and that basically she's a bad person.

After getting to know Heather I realized something. She is a needy person, someone who needs a lot of positive attention, and who needs a lot of love. She was severely abused several times by many people--something I relate to very well. I like Heather. I admit it. I enjoy her company and everything.

Well, Heather came by one night just to hang out. She asked for a few things, sure...but nothing excessive that I thought was out of the question. Like she asked for a drink...not like she asked for $100 or anything like that, ya know? We spent time chatting and we like the same things...which I find to be a rare occurrence.

Andy was a jerk the whole time, which made me angry. I thought he was a bit rude, too. I know I don't know her well, but she didn't seem to be the witch that they made her out to be.

They're telling me not to be her friend, not to have her visit, not to talk to her, etc. It's like I'm not allowed to have friends outside of my tiny circle or friends who are different! This is just making me so mad!

And then today the doorbell rang. It was Heather's mother-in-law. Heather tried to kill herself last night. Now this is really upsetting me...but yet I can't say anything because it's "not allowed"! I'm getting all teary-eyed just thinking about Heather and all this...

[LMo]

Lexicon, you have to stand up for yourself. What kind of friends are these that feel they can screen the people you hang out with?

[nothemama8]

You probably made her very happy cuz you were kind to her, remember fair weather friends are only there when they want something or when they can control.
It sounds like Heather would be a better friend than the others, your an adult you don't need permission to see a sick friend or a healthy one
Love
Angie

[Lexicon78]

I'm just so angry with these people who say they're there for me but when I want to have friends that they don't approve of or don't like they're jerks! I just needed to vent all this.

Thank you for all of your support!

[Kalamity]

I dealt with this exact thing in jr. high and high school. I had this friend that talked garbage about every new person that came along and insisted that I not be friends with them. Eventually I gave in, every single time, and always this girl would turn around and become friends with the very person she insisted was not worth being friends with.

And now I'm the one who has no friends at all.

Talk to your friends and find a way to tell them that it's ok if they don't like Heather, but you do and you have chosen to be her friend and you would appreciate it if they would respect your decisions and treat your other friends as they want to be treated.

[Maven]

This has happened to me, too. People gossip and put down another person whom I haven't met, and then I do, and I find I like the person, or at least, don't dislike them. Sometimes I've befriended a person, only to find out later, the others were right. But I don't let anyone tell me who to be friends with, including my friends. If my friends didn't want to hang with me because I was friends with someone they didn't like, or if they refused to be respectful when around that person and me, then they wouldn't be my friends anymore. That's not my choice, it's theirs. My dad taught me that while I was very young. My friends don't have to like each other, and they don't have to hang together (even if I'm there), but that doesn't mean I can't hang with all of them, even separately. Yes, that can pose some inconveniences and even some problems, but I pick my own friends. I don't tell my friends who they can hang with, and I won't put up with them telling me. However, I will warn them if I think someone will deceive them or treat them badly, and I appreciate them warning me. It's something to keep in mind, but you can still keep an open mind about a person.

[jennie]

Andy and Elaine may be correct about Heather. However, maybe Heather would be different around you? I admire people who are willing to risk a little to help others. ((((Lexicon)))) Hopefully, you can still be friends with Andy and Elaine. Take care of you. Your well-being should come first.

[DaveyJones]

Be yourself....If you want to be friends with someone, be their friend. If someone else doesn't like it, it's then up to them to either continue to be friends with you or not. I'm betting that for the most part they'll get over it. If they can't accept you for who you are without trying to tell you who you should be, then they are not your friend, IMHO.

Again...always be yourself. You can't go wrong if you do that.

DJ

lexie, i really agree with DJ. if you can't be yourself....then something is off..........no one should tell someone else who they can be friends with/or not.......stand up for yourself. you're a supportive person.......xoxoxo pat

[(JD)]

I agree with the rest: who are those who are controlling who you are friends with? If that isn't juvie I don't what is. (Unless it was parental lol)

Yes, heather might be a moocher... keep your proverbial guard up, we don't want you hurt later on...

I'm sorry all this has happened. Maybe you can be her friend, a real one, and she for you? Maybe she's rescued you from the others?? TC ((lexi)))

[Lexicon78]

I told them where to take their belittling words and advice. I know, I can be a bit harsh at times but I'm sick of other people trying to run my life.

Now Andy, my bf, is all apologetic and everything. Elaine says she wished she had a friend more like me--one who will be honest with her and not lie to her. So Elaine made me feel good in the end.

[walkswithspiritbear]

((((((Lexicon)))))) I am sorry for the pain you are feeling right now... I am uncertain as how to tell your two friends to not be so judgmental. I wish I had the magic words to say so that they would be true friends who would never say what you can and can't do... I don't understand that... but I do know that in my lifetime, the majority of all my friends have been so different from one another that when I would throw a party I couldn't ask anyone at all, because not one liked the other for whatever ridiculous reason and I mean ridiculous, one friend of ours didn't like another just because of the way he dressed when invited to someone's home. It was driving me crazy.... Guess who has remained our friend through thick and thin....???????? take care and I certainly hope that all works out for you and your friendships