[stars25]

Hello Everyone,

Here it is: My fiance broke up with my November 12th 2012....2 days after my birthday. He came home from counselling, didnt say why we were breaking up just said he needed space and time, packed up his stuff and moved to his parents. This of course threw me for a loop cause I didn't see it coming at all.

Two days later he sends me this huge email, apologizing numerous times for what happened. He stated that he was having a mental and emotional breakdown, that he loves me and that one day he would like to meet and talk in person. Anyways, its been a month now and we have had only one other email, with him pretty much just stating that he isn't ready to see me yet.

The thing is, that same day he went to see his counselor. The reason he is seeing a counselor is because he was sexually abused when he was a child and he hasn't dealt with those emotions and hurt feelings. I was the only person who knew about the abuse that happened and he trusted me, I've always supported him throughout it.

I understand the whole dealing with the abuse problem but maybe I'm missing something? can anyone understand why he broke up with me? we were engaged for over a year and together for 2.5 years in total. This just doesn't make any sense to me. Should I wait for him or is this really it? I love him but I'm hurt and confused.

Anyone understand whats going on with him?

[Leed]

I don't understand it either Stars, since he told you about the abuse as a child. If he hadn't told you about it, I could understand, but this -- I don't get it.
I would think that he would want you around for support!! This doesn't quite make sense, and I would want some explanations. So far it sounds like he hasn't given you any and you DESERVE something before you two meet, and he isn't "ready for it."

I know he might be in an unstable condition right now, but he still should give you SOME idea why he broke it off with you. Like I said, you deserve some idea. It's not fair to keep you in the dark about this especially after having been together for 2.5 years! He should trust you more than this!

I'm sorry Stars. I wish I had some advice for you. I'd be upset too. I know he's hurting but so are you. To keep you waiting for an explanation isn't fair. Tell him to e-mail it for heavens sakes, but you deserve SOMETHING. God bless my friend, and please take care of YOU. Hugs, Lee

You may never find out the reason why he did break up with you, and if you did find out, it may never make sense to you.

As a month has gone without much in answers, I hate to say it, but I think that you should try and start getting over him. The old cliche, but you do deserve someone who will keep you in the loop, someone who will try, even if they dont do it very well, but try to tell you what's going on. I daresay he is hurting over his childhood, and I do feel for him, such a terrible situation to have happened. But the fact remains is he's pushing you away, so I think you have little choice to go. Might be better for your own happiness in the long run. Hugs

[unaluna]

You are telling us absolutely nothing. Giving us no information at all. That tells me you are trying to block the information from yourself, just as he was trying to hide certain facts from you. It seems obvious to me but that is my prejudice, my guess. What is yours?

I agree with hankster. I kind of think there must have been signs somewhere along the way that things were either "sticky" between you two or for him individually. What I mean is you know about his struggles and know about him seeing a counselor, can you think back to a time he may have started pulling away before this? Rarely do any breakups really come out of the blue like that. Maybe it will just take some self analysis on your part to figure it out.

That being said, it could easily just mean what he said - for whatever reasons, he needs the space. From what you've said there is no way to know the exact reasons but he did say he loves you and wants to meet you and talk. If it's an emotional breakdown, your best possible route would be to show your support simply by waiting for him. Try to be focused on his needs right now and how he may be going through a lot that he doesn't want you to have to deal with. Don't think so much about yourself* and how you are without him or what he's "done" to you by breaking up. Abuse of any kind makes it very hard to trust people and I emphasize that the best thing you can do is wait and be there for him when he's finished. His trust in you will grow from that, believe me.

*(not saying you're selfish per se, but we all tend to think about what is happening to us rather than the other person many times, it takes effort to refocus our thoughts on others)