[Iyiyi]

I'd love some feedback from someone either diagnosed as bipolar or someone that has dealt with this type of situation.

This person came "back" into my life after 17 years. He was going into rehab for alcohol/prescription drug addiction and got a divorce while he was there- it was ugly. We both have our own kids, the same age. We live very close to each other, but have our own homes, and his ex-wife has custody of his kids and are 1600 miles away.

He is the love of my life, and I'm not a romantic.

Shortly after rehab, I noticed the signs and did my own research. Later, the diagnosis confirmed bipolar. I went to meetings on my own to learn as much as I could, but he would never go. Throughout the last two years, he will have his moments of honesty, then he "leaves" me. It started as not wanting to see me, but he would talk on the phone. Then he couldn't talk on the phone and it was only email. It's a cycle that I recognize well by now. I got the email last night (expecting it) that he could not ever see me, talk to me, or anything again. This is what happens every time.

He is moving closer to his children, which I've pushed for all along. And I'm willing to uproot my own family to follow (benefiting me as well because the both of our extended families live in that area), but only if he FINALLY creates a plan for when the depression happens AND when the manic phase starts.

I am confident he does not "cheat", he started drinking again (and drinks while he's driving to "calm down"), he's smoking a LOT of cigarettes and marijuana.

I took a step back for 4 months this last summer- things got so bad verbally that I sat in the parking lot of the police station ready to go in and see what my options were for him to stop contacting me altogether. I told him that I didn't want to be a part of his life if that was the way he was going to treat me, and that also meant he could not be a part of my children's lives. So, honestly, he decided that I was saying "goodbye" and giving up on him. That was not the case, I wanted him to go to the meetings himself. I went to the meetings by myself for over a year, and I realized I was not going to make this work between us if he didn't play his part.

About a month ago, he emailed me asking to talk, telling me he was moving. The priorities as I saw them was 1. fixing HIM. 2. Being a father again. and 3. IF he got those figured out, we could work on our own relationship and be a big family.

I spent this last weekend with him and he was honest about what's happened in the last two years, we talked about some very difficult things, and for the most part, we were back to "us".

Then yesterday, I got the "goodbye" email. Again. Like I said before, I expected it.

He has started taking lithium, but he shared with me he felt so good he hadn't taken it for 4 days. I shared my concern.

Someone, please confirm my feelings that IF he doesn't do his part, this will never work. Is there something else I can do???

My fear is that his family that will be near him after he moves is afraid of him. They'll make light conversation but they've been subjected to the same verbal abuse I have when things are "bad", and they don't want to rock the boat. He's got NO accountability except at his job. And he's really good at putting on the happy face there. And then he goes home and goes to bed at 5:30pm, gets up at 2am, and drives around.

What a mess.

Thanks for any feedback.