[Rose76]

My brother goes in and out of jail on a regular basis. He drinks a lot. He gets assaultive toward others. He destroys property, etc.

He likes animals and he tends to adopt stray cats. However, his pets get left in the lurch when he gets arrested. He's told me about at least 4 different cats that he had who disappeared while he was in jail. These things happened in 3 different states. In each instance, he blames someone who SHOULD have taken care of his cat, while he was incarcerated. He blames neighbors who he says had promised to feed this or that cat for him. He talks about 2 people (in 2 different states) that he wants to kill for "what they did to my cat."

Three years ago, he went to jail and called me to go get his cat. I had already warned him I wasn't taking care of any cat. Well, I did get the cat and cared for it for over two months. I found a good home for the cat through a veterinarian that I know. (My brother stayed in jail for months, and I couldn't keep the cat.)

When my brother got out, he seemed glad of what I had done for the cat.

Now, 3 years later, my brother tells me that I'm a terrible person for what I did to his cat. "You just got rid of it." - he said. I had nursed that cat through sickness, brought it to the vet for intervenous hydration when it kept throwing up. I took time off from my job to care for the cat. But I couldn't do it for as long as he was in jail, so I found it a very good home.

My brother is a person I kind of stay away from. I just went to his place to bring him a telephone message. He was real nice for awhile. Then he turned morose and started saying awful things to me. He talked like he hated me.

I left there distraught. I have been very depressed and this got me to feeling even worse.

Now he has another cat. I can't believe that he will stay out of jail.

I know that my brother is unbalanced and not of sound mind. I know he's an alcoholic. But we had been getting along pretty good for months. So I was shocked at him turning on me. He had been coming to my place, now and then, bringing me little presents.

He is diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I don't think that is a real accurate diagnosis. Sometimes I think he is a sociopath, but he's not really quite that extreme. I know to stay away from him, now. My problem is that I did a lot to help him get off the streets and not be homeless. I helped him access good mental health care. He now has the best living arrangement that he has had in many years. (He lived in his van for years, moving from state to state.) I somehow feel deeply hurt.

I have 3 siblings. Each of them has turned on me, in rather bizarre ways. Now I really have no relationship with any of them. I became seriously suicidal when one of my sisters turned on me, back in 2007. I seem to be going through the same mental agony again. I have no family other than my siblings.

[Leed]

Bless your heart. It seems your siblings have left you holding the 'bag," They don't want to be bothered with this "problem child" so they left you to take care of him -- and now that you're doing so, they turn on you! I just don't understand them! Perhaps THEY have problems too!

You seem the sanest of them all. LOL You have a kind and caring heart. You've found your brother a place to live, you've taken care of him to the best of your ability.

Is he in therapy now? If he's not, he certainly should be. I assume he's on Medicaid, or some sort of program like that. I would think that he would be eligible to therapy. Whether or not he would go is another story.

The fact that he's an alcoholic is NOT your problem. You cannot get him to stop drinking. NO one can. You can beg, plead, bargain, scream, holler, and nothing will work. Perhaps you already know this. Alcoholics drink to stop the pain, among other things. But it's NOT YOUR PROBLEM. And neither is the fact that he gets thrown into jail. He MAY be bipolar, but I have to assume that he knows right from wrong, correct? I don't think he's THAT far gone.

There is just so much you can do for your brother. I think you've done about all you can. Don't sacrifice your life for him. YOU deserve a life too. I think it's time that you led your own life. You can't take care of cats, and you can't be a nursemaid to your brother. Get on with your life. It's time.

God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[Rose76]

My brother has gotten SSDI for many years. He is getting mental health services at the VA.

I lived with an alcoholic boyfriend for 7 years. After going to Al-Anon and getting out of that situation, I know that I can not change anyones drinking habits. I don't try. I made a mistake staying chatting with my brother, while he was drinking beer after beer. That seems to change his personality. Even sober, I believe he harbors all kinds of bitter grudges against me. He is like that, and I may have to just give up on any connection with him.

I believe he does know right from wrong. He is also very manipulative, at times.

I had been telling him that I was very depressed and in pain from neck problems. I asked if he would help me get my Christmas decorations out of a high shelf in an outside storage closet I use. He had helped me put them away last year. He was very nice about that and said he would help me. I thought I would plan an evening for him to come over and I would have nice things for him to eat.

I really believed he would be glad to let me lean on him a bit, as I did help him any way I could. We had been getting along. He had taken me out to eat recently. I am heartbroken at his cold-heartedness.

What a fantasy I entertained, thinking he would be a kind brother to me.

Besides him, I have two sisters. One is a heavy drinker, who gets mean when she drinks. She called me months ago. She told me her cat was dying and I tried to console her. Then she got mean (probably was drinking, while we talked.) She ended up hanging up in my ear, and I haven't heard from her since. I won't call her anymore because she has done this too often and I get too hurt.

My other sister lives a successful life. She is polite to me, but I know not to call her and take up her time.

Both sisters live thousands of miles from me. So the lack of phone communication is hard on me.

We were all very close growing up. They kind of were my world. That is sad to say. I never made many friends outside of my family. Now I feel destitute emotionally.