[confused21]

My boyfriend and I have a very unhealthy, unstable, and sometimes emotionally abusive relationship. Here's a little summary about our relationship - We have been together for a little over a year. He has a complete and total hold over me. He has disrespected me, my family and my friends. No one wants me to be with him, including my parents. They have actually told me I am not allowed to date him, or see him, or even talk to him. And I am 21 but I live at home and must obey the rules. He is always accusing me of cheating on him (even though I never have), he is incredibly insecure, and he makes it very clear that he does not trust me. He has threatened to break up with me if I don't go see him. If he gets mad at me because I didn't go see or if I went out with friends he will call me a ****, *****, lying cheating ****. He is white, and racist against essentially anyone that is not white. I am Puerto Rican, I'm sure you see the issue here. He has said I'm stupid because I'm puerto rican, I'm slow and he would not want to have my kids because they would be half puerto rican. I went to Florida with him and his family for my 21st birthday. He paid for half my plane ticket, I paid for the rest. Guess who paid for dinner, drinks, and everything on her 21st birthday? I did. Who paid for everything we did the whole week we were there? I did. Who has paid for almost everything in the past 8 months or so? I have. He has no job, still lives at home, and has some serious anger issues. I find myself more unhappy than happy with this relationship. But I stay in it despite what my brain, and my parents tell me. Despite all of this, our relationship still has it's ups that keep me around. We have amazing sex, I am comfortable with myself and being myself when we're together. As long as we're not arguing and everything is going good, I have an amazing time with him and lovelove being around him. I'm scared that if I lose him, I will never feel that way with anyone again.

I have heard before that it is possible to be addicted to the emotions and feelings you get from being with someone, but I didn't look more into it until today and it has made me realize that I am emotionally addicted to my boyfriend and our relationship. I can understand, name, and pinpoint everything that is wrong with our relationship and all the reasons I should end it. But there is such an internal struggle when I bring myself to even think of ending things. The thought of ending things make my stomach turn into knots. I cannot picture losing that connection to him, even if things are more bad than good. This website I found it was brought on this realization - (www) soberrecovery(dot)com(slash)forums(slash/)friends(dash-)family(dash)substance(dash)abusers(slash)222862(d ash)addictive(slash)relationships(dash)emotional(d ash)abuse (html)

This listed 4 questions to helo figure out if you are addicted or not and my answer to all 4 was yes. As much as I want to leave this relationship, I honestly feel like I can't. I don't really have much of a support system at home, no one around me had been through this. They don't know what or how I'm feeling making incredibly hard to turn to anyone. They all just think I'm stupid and weak for staying with this guy after everything that has happened, and I agree with them. I feel trapped and weak and stupid and confused. If you have ever been through anything like this, please give me some words of advice. I never pictured myself ending up in this kind of relationship and it kills me inside knowing I let myself get to this point. How do I bring an end to this cycle?

[Leed]

You are not stupid and weak. You know that, right? But you actually DO have a support system -- your family! They don't want you in this relationship, and you SHOULD break off with this guy! He's abusive and he USES you! This is NOT a healthy relationship, and it's one that does not build up your self-esteem!

Do you really think it was okay for you to pay for everything on your trip? NO. Why should you give him a free ride when he's NOT WORKING, and doesn't seem to care? He just wants a girlfriend who will let him go along for a free ride! Don't let him do that!

Get rid of this HOBO. That's all he is is a TRAMP. Find someone who will treat you like the LADY that you are. You need someone who will treat you with respect and not abuse you. I wish you the very best. God bless and please take care of yourself. Hugs, Lee

[hezaa82]

I know exactly how you feel. I get addicted to people too. It's so hard.

Susan Peabody's Love Addiction forum is really helpful. I suggest doing some reading and posting there.

http://loveaddictionforum.proboards.com/index.cgi

[ladytiger]

amazing sex huh? not when he feels anyone who is not white is not human. i met guys like him b4 they have all kinds of issues. if he's so racist why he is dating a PR? seems like to be he is getting his sexual needs met probably based off of stereotypes about latina girls great in bed and spicy too.

guys like him are very hard to meet/date anyone IR i bet he came across as sweet like candy when u first met him. he sounds really unhealthy very immature to boot. i would find myself a new bf if i were u....

[shortandcute]

ooohh, girl, get away, run far away. you can let go. i would have dumped his ***** a long time ago

[BrainsAreHard]

This turns my stomach. No one, ever, should have things like that said or done to them. I don't know you, but nothing that you are or have done could justify those things. Please leave him, because it will only get worse (and harder to leave).

[tigerlily84]

I agree with what everyone else has said. Leaving him will be difficult but you need to do it for your own sanity. May I ask if you are seeing a therapist? Perhaps they can help you find the strength to leave. There is nothing wrong with getting help. I'm sorry that your family isn't very supportive, do you have any friends that you could talk to?

Above all... please leave him. You deserve better than this.