when do you give up?

i don't want to. but all this fighting and hurting eachother is just enough. i don't need it anymore. i don;t know what to do because i love him. but i woke up with extreemely swollen eyes this morning from crying all night long. every time we fight he tells me to leave and that it's over. then we make up or have sex. that can't be the solution to everything. i don;t know what to do....

Why not try couples counseling? It sounds like you two don't know how to communicate. You don't even know how to fight FAIR. There's an "art" to fighting.

If counseling you learn how to communicate-- how to get your points across. You learn how to listen as well as how to talk to the other person and be HEARD. Sometimes we say something but the other person doesn't really hear us. We have to learn how to be heard as well as learn how to listen to the other person.

Then we have to learn how to "fight fairly." We can't hit below the belt with name calling, or throwing old issues in your partner's face. Let's say that your partner cheated - just as an example. Well, when you fight the next time, you CANNOT throw that in his face!! Once you've forgiven him, that's a dead issue. You have to learn how to let those things go, and never bring them up again.

So there's an art to fighting too. You two need counseling and it would be a good idea to make an appointment with someone who deals with couples. What do you think? Would he go? Would YOU go? Is it worth it?

Think about it. If you think this relationship is worth saving, and he does too, then make an appointment, ok? God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

Adding to Leed's great advice, here is how i would answer your question.

It's time to give up only when you've done all you can to fix things. In other words, do the counseling thing as Leed said, the sign it might be time to quit would only come after you've tried this or if you found out that he was unwilling to attempt learning how to communicate and work together on things. I mean that's the only sign I can think of right now that would say to give up at this point - if he just won't budge about it, he doesn't really want to make it work. But you haven't alluded to that idea in your post, so I won't assume that's the case. Bring that up to him and let him know you want it to work, that you love him, but this part of the relationship needs to change and make sure you don't place the entire blame on him but that it's something you both need to work on and you'd like him to work with you on that. Go from there.

hope this works out! *hugs*

I cannot add anything to this thread but my support for the previous 2 posts. I agree that you need to get counseling as a couple and work on communication. Communication is the key! Learn how to share your feelings instead of fight.
Wishing you both all the best!

In support of everyone's support, I also want to add that you'll get benefit from couples counseling even if your S.O. doesn't really participate. If YOU learn how to fight fair and communicate - even if this relationship doesn't work out - the next one will be off to a better start.

he won't i asked him. but he wants me out by april if things don't get better. im gonna go room with some friends... i love him so much but maybe sepperation will help. who knows?

Sometimes time apart can help. If the relationship has become toxic or you find yourself constantly fighting it may be time to take a break.

I agree with the above posts and am sorry that he won't even try to talk things through. Why is that ? How can things magically get better ? I don't advise separation, but an agreed plan of action. Write down what it is that makes you fight, get him to do the same. Talk, without accusation or blame. Tell him how his actions effect you and vice versa.
You're in this together, so work together. Is it small niggley things or major differences ?

Talk, hear, but also listen. Sometimes we hear, but we don't really listen. Compromise, give and take. Remember we all have faults, but mostly you need to communicate, in a calm way, without interupting each other or being hurtful or scoring points. It takes work, hopefully he'll see it's worth it. But it takes two of you to work together. Good luck

Ot - a very cool avatar. Green is my favorite color.

even though you love him you need to putt hat on hold and think about whats best for you , if you move out dont think about him to much
live your life go party w.e have fun !
have some girls nights out ! <3
realize the difference on who u r with and with out him
and that should be ur answer

well we both lost our job at the same company in the same week. now we are temporarily living at his parents until April when we will move in with my friends. we agreed that allot of our fighting may have been due to work stress.. we never fought before we started working. and the way everything happened was totally illegal on their part. (if you would like an explanation just ask.) now im going to be starting this new job online. he actualy got his job back because they just don't like me. idk. i hope we stop fighting so much... we will see.

yeah i hope it all works out !