[valexand]

I am a 29 year old woman. Through hard work and sacrifices I've managed to get 2 Masters and I am currently finishing a PhD in sciences. I am an outgoing person, always smiling and always trying to make the people around me happy. Here is my strange problem: I am always alone in my own life. People do like to interact with me, they like talking to me, they laugh with my jokes and God knows EVERYBODY comes to me when they want to pour their heart out. At the end of the day though, I find myself alone in my house. The phone rarely rings. Unless I call my friends, they won't call me. They usually call me when they need a favor. It didn't use to be this way. When everybody was younger the phone used to go crazy!!! Now, everybody is engaged or married or popping out kids. Everybody has matched up with somebody else and I'm left sticking out.
A lot of my girlfriends stop communicating with me when they find the "golden guy". They usually introduce me to the "new man" once the wedding invitations are sent. On the other hand, my male friends -and I had so many of them!- are all with some girl, which is fine with me, but they also suddenly stop interacting with me. My friendships have vanished. I've been abandoned.
I wasn't so lucky as all of them. I haven't found a match for myself. I've looked all around for him but no results. In my life I've had 2 boyfriends, both of whom wanted to keep our relationship a secret from friends and family. Up until this day I have no idea why they wanted this. (I have double-checked that I am not that ugly). My relationship with both men were lengthy (2 years with the first and 3 years with the other). I loved them both with all my heart. I could bring them the moon and stars if they wanted me to. Neither of them wanted to continue a life with me. The funny part is that both of them still insist on maintaining a "strong friendship" with me. And so they call me, they meet with me to see how I am doing....but at the end of the day they both return to women that are less educated than me, women that can't hold a simple job, nor maintain a house. I'm left to live alone, while they give all of their company to women that offer less than what I could. I live my life alone. Seriously, I can spend a whole week not talking to anyone. Sometimes, in order to remember how my own voice sounds like, I talk to my plants or to myself at home. Pathetic, huh? I had never thought that my life would be like this.
I have sunk into depression. Nobody knows about this. The only two people that always seem to detect something are my parents. No matter how much I am hiding it, they always pick up something even over the phone! I am truly so alone and it hurts big time! The only people that remember that I am alive are my parents and my brother (occasionally... when he is not with a girlfriend). About a year ago I also had suicidal thoughts too.....and I KNOW I am educated enough to know that these thoughts are stupid! I didn't do anything to myself cause of my parents. I don't care too much for myself but I would never want them to go through %#@&#! because of my stupidity.
Why is it that people just don't stick around me for some more company? How can I get my phone to ring like crazy, as it used to? Why am I left to be so alone?
Thank you for your time to hear me out. Talk to me.

awwwwwwww valex.. i totally understand how you feel. im almost in the exact situation so i know how much lonliness hurts!!! Just want you to know someone cares. Can you get involved in a singles group at church or possibly take up a hobby where you meet new people. sorry i don't have many ideas, but i plan on trying those myself.

i'm agreeing Esthersvirtue.......try some other way to meet people. church groups, single groups, volunteering..hey, a great way to meet men is to volunteer to help build houses for Habitat for Humanity!! xoxox pat