[fedup1]

I just found a paper where the question was list the things you have used to block the pain of your past and my husbands answer was, food, drinking, pornography and lots of women. This does mean sex with other women right???

[shezbut]

Not necessarily sex with lots of other women ~ but, imo, inappropriate conduct with a variety of women at one time or another. That's how I'd take it.

(((hugs)))

[Iamhealingme]

Be blunt...ask him...are you ready for the answer?

[roads]

It sounds like this behaviour from him wouldn't surprise you ... but to be fair, and not knowing the context, the question was "things you have used"--not necessarily things you're using now.

It's so easy to jump to conclusions, and every guy isn't a jerk.

[fedup1]

Originally Posted by Iamhealingme

Be blunt...ask him...are you ready for the answer?

I know if I ask him he will just say "lots of women" was referring to the pornography.

[fedup1]

Originally Posted by Roadie

It sounds like this behaviour from him wouldn't surprise you ... but to be fair, and not knowing the context, the question was "things you have used"--not necessarily things you're using now.

It's so easy to jump to conclusions, and every guy isn't a jerk.

This behavior "sex with other women" would definitely surprise me! He has always sworn he has never cheated on me or had sex with anyone else since we've been married. He's admitted his use of pornography, and also he told me he was only with 3 people sexually before we met 13 years ago....his exact words were I have gratified myself with food, drinking, pornography and lots of women. So wouldn't that mean sex with other women, affairs, adultery?? It can't be referring to the pornography right??

[Leed]

It does NOT have to mean affairs, adultery, but it could mean pornography.

What makes you think he cheated? It does NOT mean that he cheated. It could mean the women BEFORE you. And why couldn't it mean pornography? He said he "gratified himself" with these things, and it included pornography! There's nothing wrong with that is there? It's better than going to other women!

Try not to read things into this stuff. It's just not there. God bless. Hugs, Lee

[fedup1]

Originally Posted by Leed

It does NOT have to mean affairs, adultery, but it could mean pornography.

What makes you think he cheated? It does NOT mean that he cheated. It could mean the women BEFORE you. And why couldn't it mean pornography? He said he "gratified himself" with these things, and it included pornography! There's nothing wrong with that is there? It's better than going to other women!

Try not to read things into this stuff. It's just not there. God bless. Hugs, Lee

But he already said pornography! And yes there is something wrong with pornography if you have an addiction to it.....which my husband does. I seriously doubt that "lots of women" is referring to the 3 people he told me had had sex with before I knew him 14 years ago! I think his porn addiction has escalated into paying escorts/hookers for sex! He just wrote this less than a year ago when he was going to 12 step for porn addiction which he quit and dropped out of. Plus I just caught him masturbating to pornograhy at work at his desk during open hours! Do you see why I think he's cheating?? I think it is there and I will do whatever it takes to find out the truth! I could have stds from him if this is true!

[honeybee777]

BUT then again, it could mean other women!!! You need to find out, if he has a porn addiction and as well as a sex addiction, you could be in daner as you said before of getting an STD, this behavior is excepted in our country as the norm, BUT it is not! It is just as bad a drugs or any other addiction, to protect yoursefl, you need to talk with him, and if all he does is lie, then I would question my marriage to him, Im so sorry you have to go through this!!

[yellowted]

pornography is looking at nude women on film or in magazines, lots of women could mean flirting with or talking to lots of women or it could mean going the whole way with them, only your partner will know what he meant by the phrase. whatever it means, your partner was silly to leave the paper for you to find, sillt to fill it in in the first place , that is unless he wanted you to know but didn't know how to tell you.

[katya093]

it would raise my attention if i found it i would be
upfront and aks him
and if he says women in porn then ask if that is the for sure answer because
i have the right to know if anything else is going on
also
ask what problems he is trying to block out and if u can help in any way ?

[Confusedinomicon]

I would just leave him at this point?

You made multiple posts about the same thing and its evident you don't trust him nor are you happy in the relationship. Can you look into shelters and temporary housing for now?

[fedup1]

Originally Posted by Confusedinomicon

I would just leave him at this point?

You made multiple posts about the same thing and its evident you don't trust him nor are you happy in the relationship. Can you look into shelters and temporary housing for now?

Just curious as to what you would think it meant when you read it?? He is getting ready to move out....I have not mentioned this paper to him because I know he will just make something up....I was really trying to get opinion on what other people would think the meaning of "lots of women" considering he already listed pornography.

[fedup1]

Originally Posted by katya093

it would raise my attention if i found it i would be
upfront and aks him
and if he says women in porn then ask if that is the for sure answer because
i have the right to know if anything else is going on
also
ask what problems he is trying to block out and if u can help in any way ?

I think he's a pathalogical liar so asking him are you sure wouldn't do any good......my question was if you found this, that your husband recently wrote: I gratify myself with food, drinking, pornography and lots of women. .........what would you think he meant by lots of women???? Also considering he already listed pornography?

[katya093]

ok well
im not married but if my boyfriend had a note saying that i would
assume sex with other women
no one writes
pornography (and) lots of women if they are only talking about porn .
usually if it was together it would make more sense to say something like
- " lots of women in porn" something where they relate in the same sentence you know ?
since they do not i would assume it means
other women physically
or talking to someone online
or - meeting up with someone else .

[katya093]

sounds like some sick gross outlets he has got there . sorry to say .. just my thoughts 0.0
also if you dont trust him and if he has given you (any) reason now or in the past to not trust him - why trust him being loyal ?
if i had any reason to not trust my boyfriend AND then found that note i would relate it to
- hes watching porn , drinking , and having sex with other women ?
!
that seems to be how he has written it and that how it was read so ..
sorry bout your hubster ,.

[fedup1]

Originally Posted by katya093

sounds like some sick gross outlets he has got there . sorry to say .. just my thoughts 0.0
also if you dont trust him and if he has given you (any) reason now or in the past to not trust him - why trust him being loyal ?
if i had any reason to not trust my boyfriend AND then found that note i would relate it to
- hes watching porn , drinking , and having sex with other women ?
!
that seems to be how he has written it and that how it was read so ..
sorry bout your hubster ,.

Thank you! My thoughts exactly just so tired of being made out to be crazy/psycho all the time!! Of course that's what it means.....also u r right if I don't trust him and he's been dishonest why would I believe he has been loyal!?......wow way to waste 14 years of my life with someone who's a sex addict and been leading a double sex life!!! I can't think of anything worse that could happen between a married couple its going to take me loooooooooooong time to heal and recover from this if i ever do!!

[katya093]

i dated a guy two years ago
and the relationship was like a fair fairy tale .
he went to all my sports events , picked me up after school . we hung out every day
then i noticed little things , examples -
he added A LOT of girls on facebook he didnt know .
like the girls who only post nude pics .
and then he was watching porn but a lot more of it .
he looked at other girls the same way he looked at me
maybe even longer .
it just got worse to the point he ddi porn before and after we had sex, constant porn watching . always talking to girls on these sex apps on his phone
i dumped him .
and yes it was the worst break up but mostly because i stayed with a guy like that for so long . after we were over , i felt . almost free. lol
i loved myself more.
if ur not worth his heart he is not worth ur tears.
always followed that quote

[katya093]

just know you are doing whats best for you .
even if it hurts right now in the end it will feel more than good (:
its a big accomplishment .