tools to cope

I would like to open my situation up for discussion and suggestions. I have an annoying inability to deal (cope) well with social situations at times, and I am wondering if anyone would care to advise. When at a party or out with friends and my girlfriend, something small will happen and I will not be able to let it go. Usually it has to do with how my girlfriend is acting, maybe I feel left out and then I get sullen. It is my inability to get over these situations that is driving my girlfriend away from me. I do not wish for this to happen so I am striving to overcome these petty problems. My biggest challenge right now is gathering of tools that I may use to realize that small things are small and I should not dwell. I would love any comments, and am interested in talking about it as it has already helped.

My thanks to Rapunzel for her kind words and ability to lend an ear when needed.

Help!!

jacob first I want to say that it is a very big step to realize that this is a problem in your life and something that you need to change to improve your relationship.

I don't have any specific ideas to offer but I was wondering if you have ever seen a therapist to help you with this? Seeing a therapist might accomplish two things: help you to modify your reactions in situations like this so that they no longer become a problem, and also to help find the root cause of this, maybe there are some self esteem issues or needing to be center-of-attention or something that a therapist can help you work on.

Good luck with this!

-- The world is what we make of it --
-- Dave
-- <A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.idexter.com>http://www.idexter.com</A>

Dexter-
Thank you for taking the time to reply. I have not seen a therapist, and immagine it is long overdue. However I live in an extremely rural area, making it difficult to find one in my area. It would also be difficult for me to afford as I seem to just barely get by as it is. I think it would be great for me, as I feel like I could use someone to talk with who could offer a new point of view, maybe some pointers on how I can manage this change.

I read an article yesterday that said one way to eliminate getting upset over small things is to think about whether or not something would bother you a year down the road. Sounds good, but I may have a hard time just stopping long enough to consider.

thanks again

Hi Jacob
I just want to say that i'm the same way with my boyfriend. The only way i can get over it though is if i talk to him about what's bothering me. He usually trys to change being that it is such little things, but unfortunally what bothers me one day doesn't always bother me the next. But talking to him about it really does help. It has taking a while for it to help, but so far i think it's working.
Audrey

Jacob,

My fiance and I just dealt with this problem. His last girlfriend cheated on him, didn't tell him about it, broke up with him, blamed him for all their problems and then 6 months later confessed. Therefore, he'd get very anxious if he sensed that I was even casually flirting with my guy friends or if I didn't call him exactly when I said I would. We dealt with it by having him be blatantly honest if something bothered him from the start rather than shoving it aside until it got to be a big problem. It worked wonderfully! Perhaps with your girlfriend you should talk to her about how you feel at events and maybe develop a code word just between you two that means "hey, I'm feeling a little weird - some help here?".

It will take a lot of work, but I'm very proud of the fact that you at least recognize that you have a problem. That's the first and hardest step on the road to not having that problem.

Anna

some of it's magic
some of it's tragic
but i had a good life all the way......
~jimmy buffett

Audrey-
Thak you for yor response, I am glad that you see marked improvement in your relationship. It seems that communication is the key. Thanks again
Jacob

Anna-
I am so glad that you and your fiance have such great communication skills and I am a little jealous that you are so patient. It is very difficult to solve problems such as this when your partner is not the most patient. I do not know if I will be able to make the necessary adjustments in time, we will see.
thank you for your support
you are a catch i can tell
jacob

ps have a beer at monks for me