Need Support

I could really use some support. So, a while back, I posted about how concerned I was about my mom. She would be acting fine, and then all of a sudden she would go off and start screaming, attacking me. Well, she's been fine for months, and then she went right back to screaming today. I just don't understand it. I've tried to reach out to some local orgs. for help. No one wants to do anything since she acts fine most of the time. I'm her full time caretaker, and I'm all alone. I don't have any support from anyone.

What do I do? She is only in her 50s. She doesn't qualify for any help. I'm really worried that she is showing signs of dementia. Is it too early for that given her age? How do I handle this? She's been screaming all day how she wishes I was dead, and how much she hates me. Some of the things she says don't make any sense. She is talking to herself. I've sacrificed so much of my life to take care of her that I just don't know what to do at this point.

There must be a way you can get her to the doctor. She isn't too young for demencia, some people that age "can" get it. And sometimes someone can have a brain tumor that makes them act out. She should be checked, her behavior isn't normal IMO.

Open Eyes

Thanks Open Eyes. She doesn't have insurance, so it's really hard for anyone to agree to see her. The last time she went she acted perfectly fine, lied about having these screaming fits, and the docs didn't care. All the tests are super expensive, so they don't even want to bother scheduling them.

The first thing that comes to mind is an AP (anti-psychotic medication) to tame her, but if you suspect dementia, administration of AP's becomes tricky (but not impossible, it just means you need a good doctor). I do not know what to do without access to healthcare. She needs medications - you won't solve this problem without medications.

I know, but she doesn't seem to have any type of other symptoms that would work with an AP medication. It really seems to be more of a dementia type of thing. I don't know what to do about the healthcare issue. They say she is too young to qualify for care, and since she acts fine most of the time, they don't want to do anything. It's impossible to get help.

I see, and your local county cannot put her on a sliding scale mental health care plan?

"start screaming, attacking me" should be enough for a little AP.

Nope. Local care is pretty much nonexistent here. She doesn't have a job, so they don't do anything. Since she acts fine in front of everyone else, they don't care.

Yeah, you are clearly not in California - you would have been assisted here. What a horrible situation. Plus, even if you were able to get care, there would be no guarantee that your mom would take the pills on schedule.

Yes. I am just feeling so lost right now. I don't know what to do.

Do you think that when she is fine she remembers her attacks on you?

I don't really know for sure. Most of her attacks are just verbal. Screaming. Yelling. Threatening. Making things up. I think she may remember them, but justifies them to herself somehow. I don't know.

I was asking because if she remembers and feels ashamed or embarrassed afterwards, then maybe you can reason with her in her better periods, but if she does not remember or justifies to herself, then it is extra hard on you.

Yeah, I don't think she feels embarrassed at all. She thinks she is right. I think it's pretty common in dementia. It's really hard to reason with them.

I really feel for you. You have probably already read up on dementia and know what is common. It is heartbreaking that your county offers nothing in support.

this area really doesn't do much

I am a former mental health advocate. I don't know the whole picture but if she needs a full time care taker I'm going to guess she is unemployed and may qualify for medicaid. If she does qualify and can't apply with out assistance the best way to go may be to trying to get her enrolled in some type of mental health case management. I know she currently does not have a diagnosis but by applying for services or even calling case management agencies you may be able to get advice or even get her case management to get the help she needs... Medicaid is your best bet to go. If you work their may be a way to put her under your work insurance as well. Good luck on this and if you need some tips please feel free to e-mail me through this web site. I'm new to this site so... I think you can e-mail on here.

Services are available throughout Free Clinics and AARP, also Sosial Security possibly if she ever worked and no longer is able to. I cared for my dad for the last several years of his Alzheimer's and volunteer as relief for caregivers of others with the condition, as well as a friend with Parkinson's.
I would strongly encourage you to somehow get a basic physical exam for her, a thorough one that will cover all blood work, checks hormones and glands, and do some basic brain scans to eliminate any chance of slow-growing rumors. Eliminate all the myriad other things that could be responsible for her behavior.
I'm glad you founded this site.
Roadie

Thanks Roadie. I can't make her go to a doctor when she doesn't want to go. That's another problem.

I wonder if it could be early onset Alzheimers?

My state has an Alzheimer's and Dementia Alliance.. Maybe your area does too? At the very least, you might be able to find some support for yourself as her caregiver...

You say you're her caregiver. What state is she in, if you must care for for her? Do you have power of attorney? If she's out of control with these screaming attacks directed at you, at some point whether she "wants" to see a doctor must be set aside in order to find out what the heck is going on with her.

As a caregiver, we alway come to this most awful choice. I was lucky ... a neighbor served as a buddy and my dad would accompany him. Like kids paired off for the lunchroom, I guess, but it worked & I just faded away