[Leed]

"Now that I'm not acting crazy I can accept feeling crazy once in awhile."
....................................................................................Sandy B.

Saying no to ourselves may be a greater act of courage than rushing into a burning building to save a child. The act of heroic rescue may be impulsive, almost involuntary, and completed before there is time for a reasoned judgment. Ah, but the other one! To consciously challenge our own will is never a spontaneous thing. We may feel crazy the first day we deny ourselves the familiar comfort of nicotine or other substances. The first, or fifth, or twenty-fifth time we practice detachment may make us feel like we're coming apart. First efforts at taking responsibility for our own behavior can make us feel as peculiar and disjointed as if we'd decided to go through the rest of our lives walking on our hands instead of our feet.

But to be crazy is to keep on asking for what we don't want. If, for a while, sane action has to be accompanied by crazy feelings - then so be it. To accept that paradox and forge ahead anyway is to join the ranks of heroes who don't get medals. No medal can adequately symbolize those fierce and private battles.
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Today, I ask my Higher Power for a surer sense of mission.

[Leed]

When I was getting sober ~ and not only "denying" myself of the alcohol, but of changing my whole life, the people, places and things -- my whole life was a paradox! The reading talks about feeling like we're coming apart. That certainly describes how I felt for quite awhile in the beginning. My head was racing with all kinds of thoughts & questions. But it was so muddled I didn't know what to ask!

So, my sponsor said, do the steps, take responsibility for my own actions -- which of course felt crazy since I hadn't done that in forever! And again, as the reading says - sane action is accompanied by crazy feelings! LOL
But after doing it for awhile sane action was accompanied by sane feelings!

That's not to say that once in awhile I don't have crazy feelings ~ I'm human, and occasionally my head starts telling me weird things. But if I remember what I was taught, and seek help from my Higher Power, I always return to sanity. God bless.