[itsnicolemariee]

Hi, I'm Nicole, I'm 13.

I know this is really weird. I know I'm still young. Anyways, here's my story:

Yesterday a package came in and I was with my friends. It was like ripped a little so my friend grabbed it and it opened a little. He started laughing because in it, were sex toys. I KNOW my dad would never use those or anything.. It was really confusing and disgusting and I had to make up a dumb lie and say that they were my sister's.. I just thought my parents were just doing that with those and yeah.. not this..

So today I grabbed my mom's phone and looked at her texts. She goes to the gym a lot, and when I mean a lot, I mean she's always gone. I saw this text that was like "I WANT YOUR BODY " And I thought it was just joking around. I clicked it.

I wish I could take it back.

There were naked pictures of my mom with the toys and this all was going on since before Thanksgiving. I hate myself for being so clueless. She is texting this guy with a wife too. In the texts he explains how he can't text her at the moment cause his wife just got home. He explains how he wants to do all these gross things to her and oh gosh it's so gross I can't even begin to explain..

I cried and I'm sick of crying. My dad loves my mom so much I don't think he wants to be divorced a second time he treats her like a princess he gives her whatever she asks. She just went out which worries me..

I wanna throw up.

The worst part is, I don't wanna betray my mom by telling my dad but I don't want my dad to be buying her all this stuff if she's just gonna go off and do stuff. They talked about meeting up and everything and it was disgusting.

Please help me. I know I may be a little young, but it's a lot for me to handle.

[optimize990h]

Can you talk to a counsellor at your school? That's one thing to think about. An adult you trust who will put your interests first. If you think the counsellor at school is not working out then ask the counsellor who could help.
Take care!

[Bipolar mom]

I am so sorry you have to experience this at such a young age. I agree with optimize. Possibly a counselor at school, or even another trusted adult. Your mother is only thinking of her self right now, when she should be thinking of how her actions could affect her family. Please take care. I hope you can find someone to talk to.

[Victoria'smom]

If you can I would sit down and tell your mom that you know about this. It's not fair to put you in that position. From that conversation you need to decide whether to tell your dad or not.

[hamster-bamster]

Oh, I imagine how horrible it feels to be in your shoes!

[shezbut]

(((Nicole)))

I can only imagine how difficult this was for you to discover! I agree with the other posters who recommended speaking with your school counselor. Hopefully, he/she will be able to guide you through to a better position.

I don't think that talking with your mom would be the best move for you, as that would bring up a lot of intense emotions for both of you! Maybe a discussion with your dad would be more comfortable, but I would advise talking with the school counselor first. You shouldn't be stuck in the middle & trying to resolve the issue.

Please reach out for professional help now. The longer that this issue sits, untalked about, the longer your suffering. That's where resentment grows. I wish you the very best in getting some help in working through these emotions and finding the best technique in your dad finding out the truth.

Very best wishes to you and your family!

[itsnicolemariee]

Yeah - and my mom is always at the Gym. I can't confront my mom about the whole thing because I know she will hit me. She has a really short temper and when I piss her off she'll run at me and stuff. I'm scared if I tell the counselor they'll call home or something.

[astenon]

Hi nicolemariee,
I'm really sorry to hear about your mother. I know this situation you find yourself in is really difficult to understand at the moment but you are not the only person to have to go through it. Have any of your friends parents gone through anything similar?
You said that your mum get's angry quickly. I would recommend not talking to her at the moment. She's in a very selfish place at the moment and her anger would be directed at you as someone who wants to stop her fun.

A councillor at school should be confidential and it shouldn't get back to your mum that you've gone to see them. I can understand your reluctance though and you cannot be 100% sure that it wont get back to her in some way.

Although I'm not a religious person, how about talking to a priest or similar (maybe a female one if one is in your area). I don't know where you live or what your religion is, but you should at least be able to tell them how you feel to get these feelings out. They will probably also be aware of other services that may be available to help you. You could pop along to a service on a Sunday and as they greet or goodbye people, ask if you could talk to them.

[Leed]

Honey, the others are right. In the first place, you really shouldn't have looked at those things, because that package was for your Mom. She would be VERY angry if she knew that you snooped in her mail. You really shouldn't have done that. But that's over and done with.

Does your Mom hit you alot? When she loses her temper, do you get hit or slapped alot? Does your Dad know about it?

Please talk to a counselor at school and see what he/she has to say. I'm sure they'll be able to help you. They can at least tell you what the next right thing to do is.

I wish you the very best, honey. PLEASE let us know what happens, will you? And know that we're on your side, and you can talk to us any time you want to or need to, okay? God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[MandiePoo]

hi there

Firstly, I'm so sorry you are going through this It stinks and I went through similar stuff wayyyy back. I'm 30 now (ancient) but I remember how hard it was so I wanted to stop by and chat.

Before I discuss ANYthing - I want you to know that it is NOT appropriate for your mother to be hitting you. While some parents do believe in spanking; hitting is very much different. If your mother is literally hitting you, that is not an appropriate reaction at all. Parents seem to do this sometimes out of anger - and that anger most often comes from situations that aren't related to you. Please know that you do NOT deserve to be hit. Nothing you could do as a young person would ever truly necessitate being hit. That responsibility lies outside of you so don't blame yourself.

I also want to tell you that in adult relationships, cheating does occur - and it occurs for a wide variety of reasons. None of those are ever related to kids either. Sometimes Mom and Dad have just grown apart. Sometimes they don't have the skills they need to work their issues out, and so they seek people outside the relationship. Sometimes they are lonely because they are fighting with each other, and they seek attention from others. Humans need attention - it's a normal, valid thing to seek, but the type of attention your mother is getting is not appropriate. As a mother, she should be reaching out for attention in ways that are healthy - such as hanging out with her friends, seeing a therapist, or doing a hobby with others that makes her feel good.

While I agree that what your mother is doing is very selfish, it's important that you don't blame any of the whole situation on yourself at any point Adult relationship issues are never the responsibility of a child - it's not your job to fix their relationship and you shouldn't feel responsible for doing so. (Maybe you don't but I thought I'd throw that out there).

Are you in the United States?

I want to give you some places you can call. Before you call, make sure you are safe. If you think calling would upset your mom or dad, then call when they are out or call from another location.

If you are in the USA, you can call and speak to a friendly counselor at ChildHelp. There number is 1-800-422-4453. It's anonymous! You can talk about as little, or as much as you want - and it's not going to result in someone calling your mom unless YOU decide you want to connect on a more local basis. These guys are excellent Great to just chat to about what is going on and they don't judge

If you are in Canada, you can call The Kids Help Phone. Their number is 1 800 668 6868. You may be able to reach that number from the USA too - I'm not fully sure.

The most important thing for you right now is that you have someone to talk to, in addition to us here at PsychCentral :0)

You sound like you really need someone in your corner right now. Is there anyone in your life that you would trust? A doctor, an adult friend, a teacher - a counselor, priest, nurse - any of these people would be a great choice And they will all be accepting of your contact. They are community leaders - and most community leaders can help you to sort out some of these thoughts.

I'll keep an eye on your thread to see if I can help further :0)

Please be kind to yourself right now - this a lot for any adult to deal with let alone on top of being 13.

[astenon]

To add to the numbers MandiePoo gave out. If you're in the UK, the ChildLine number is 0800 1111.

Please call or talk to someone. I'm not trying to be condescending, but adult relationships can be difficult for someone of your age to understand.

[Irine]

MandiePoo -

Originally Posted by itsnicolemariee

Hi, I'm Nicole, I'm 13.
Yesterday a package came in and I was with my friends. It was like ripped a little so my friend grabbed it and it opened a little. He started laughing because in it, were sex toys.

If you see it was a friend who started the package opening. Nicole just followed through..because it was already hard to deal with an assumption that a mother is getting sex toys, with the knowledge that her dad would never use those...

Nicole -
Have you ever stayed over the night at a friends`house? Why I ask...it can be relieving to just get away from your parents house for a while. To feel like you, too, have a life of your own...

This is all i can add to the advice everyone here already gave you.