[confused_about_life]

I really do not know how to approach my "boyfriend"....if that is what he is? A brief history..... to start with I have known him for 13 years and have been in love with him for 12 of those years, he owns his own business and I work for him. During those years we became very close friends, to the point his family would come to me to find out where he was if he didn't answer their calls or what was wrong with him if he seemed upset. I work with him, his dad, brother and sister and am familiar with the rest of his family that do not work with us. We have seen each other outside of work for many years but never just came out and told everyone, we both thought that it was best to keep our personal and business relationship separate although everyone knew, no one just ever ask. That is until this past year and half.

Fast forward....we don't live together but I am at his house 3-4 nights a week and on the weekends we are usually together. We would always tell each other I love you and have been telling each other that for years then in about 6 months ago he started behaving different, being distant so I ended up writing him a letter telling him how I felt because he can be intimidating to talk to at times which I told him that in my letter. He never responded to my letter, not a word, not in e-mail text, by phone and We never argued or fought once about it. Nothing!! I ended up quitting my job. I was so hurt. I had never felt true heart break before!! We didn't speak for 2 1/2 months, I tried but he wouldn't answer my calls or text. He just cut me completely off!!

Then one night a few months ago I get this text from him saying "how are you" I text back and the next day he offers me my job back which of course I accept since I had been unemployed (not from lack of trying) since I left all those months earlier. We just kinda pick up where we left except for 2 things. First we don't say I love you anymore and second he never told why it he just cut me off like he did. We both act like it never happen. ( I know REALLY stupid on my part not to demand an answer) Well, this past 2 weeks he began being distant again, so on Monday I ask him if we weren't "seeing" each other would I still have a job, he said that was a stupid question (in a joking way, not mean) of course I would. That night I text him and told him I needed to talk to him for him to call me when he was free. I had planned to tell him how much I loved him and find out what was wrong, face to face no letters etc. He called but I missed it and when I called him back he wouldn't answer. Tuesday he talked to me about work related stuff and Tuesday night he didn't call me at all. Same thing on Wednesday he avoided talking to me unless it was about work and weds night I called him and ask him if I could come over talk. He said he would call me back. He didn't so I text him and told him it was important. He text me back and said he couldn't handle any deep conversation. Today was a repeat of the past 2 days.
I am so confused!! I don't understand his behavior at all. I'm not a person that just goes on and on demanding an answer. I just don't say anything thinking that when he is ready to talk he will come to me but I get the feeling he is cutting me off again.

[Leed]

Well, jeez. He says he's not "ready for deep conversation." If you two have been seeing each other all those years, I don't quite understand either other than the fact that he sounds quite immature.

It sounds like he's just not ready for any commitment and perhaps he feels like he's being cornered. Since you've worked and waiting so long for him, it would be my feeling that you should move on. You've basically wasted an awful lot of time on this guy, regardless of how "nice" he might be.

I think you should definitely chalk this up to a learning experience, and move on. He's not going to grow up overnight, and you've already wasted 12 years on him. Staying in that job isn't going to make things any easier either, albeit the job situation isn't very good "out there." You might have to stay there awhile until you find something equally as good or better, but be sure and keep looking for another job!!!!

I hope you find someone who will love you the way you DESERVE to be loved, and who won't keep you stringing along for years like this one has!!! I wish you the very best my friend -- please keep us informed as to what happens, will you please? God bless and take care. Hugs, Lee