[desirae]

My son is 2 and has changed from a peaceful, laid back, easily entertained, and easily pleased baby.....to a down right mean, loud, demanding, bratty two year old.

I feel like I have no control over him and he's the one with the control over me.

He screams soooo much, all day long he throws 20-30 minute scream fits about...could be anything, a pancake this morning.

Last night he kept hitting me, and although I'm much bigger and stronger, I felt weak and he continued hitting me around, very hard to. Then he picked up a toy car when I wasn't looking, and as soon as I turned around it popped me right in the face. Felt like I got socked. I have a nice bruise this morning from it, hurts.

I need to gain control, and I need him to be aware of who's boss. He does not get disciplined correctly, and I've always been so soft. I need him to listen and to stop throwing this horrific scream fits. They really get to you after awhile, it's so hard to put up with it.

I need parenting advice, please help.

[bebop]

have you tried like a naughty place?

[January]

You need to use time outs, Des. Two year olds can understand them as long as they are very short. Five minutes is way too long for a two year old. Nothing more than two minutes will do and that will seem like an eternity to him. Three mins would be absolutely max.

Hugs,

Jan

Its called the "Terrible Two's" Basically at this age children discover they are separate human beings from their mom's. Two year olds are the age of developing independance - they want to dress themselves, feed themselves, make their own choices, pick what they want to do.

When my son was going through this I endered him into a type of nersery school called "Relief Nursery". he was able to go three - four days a week for 2-3 hours. that way he got to play with children his own age and I got some time for myself.

Anyway At relief nursery I got to talk to other parents with children my childs age and I learned that the temper tantums, brattyness and so on is normal and some tips to handle the terrible twos.

one big thing that helped me and my child was offering 2 choices or things instead of plunking something down and saying this is what you are doing, going to eat and so on. By offering two choices of things my son was able to make his own choice of what he wanted to eat and so on and since he chose it there was no temper.

For getting him dressed I bought sweat pants not jeans so that he could put them on and off himself and when I folded his clothes I would put a complete set together - 1 shirt, 1 sweat pants, 1 briefs, 1 pair of socks and folded them in such a way that when he picked a pair of sweat pants he had the rest of his outfit folded inside. Then instead of putting his clothes in a dresser I put them on a shelf so he could see at a glance what he wanted. He could pick his own clothes and didn't have to wait for me to get done with whatever I was doing.

His toys were in boxes with a picture of the type of toys t hat go in that box so that he could get the toy he wanted without dumping the whole toy box. Because he knew what toys went where he had no problem picking up his toys. Especially if I had him do it before dinner.

You might also try a parenting class in your area. Your therapist will know where the nearest on is located. possibly head start in your area may have one running.

Hang in there.

[Kalamity]

Use time outs - find one spot to use all the time. Set him down and keep setting him there until he stays put.

When I let my son out of a time out I ask him if he understands why he's had a time out. If he doesn't I explain it to him. Sometimes I allow him to come out of time out when he's ready to apologize to me or to do as I've asked him to do.

Don't allow him to choose his own place for time out, as that's still giving control over him that you need.

The other thing I do with my son is deny him toys and activities that he normally does during the day. If he throws a toy, at me or anywhere else, that toy goes up on the shelf for a day or maybe a half a day. If he's screaming I make him go to his room. He can bloody well scream his lungs out for all I care, so long as it's in another room. I won't fight with him. I'll just take his hand and walk him to his room, get down to eye-level with him, and tell him that he's welcome to come out whenever he is done screaming.

My son is no angel but he is otherwise a very good kid. For a while we had to use time outs quite a bit, now it's not even a weekly thing.

Good luck.

[drunksunflower]

Good luck Des ... people seem to have offered some great tips

[Lexicon78]

I agree with the time-outs. If he gets too out of hand and becomes too physical they suggest restraining them. As cruel as it may sound I've heard that it is necessary for some children.

I disagree on the restraining. A DHS caseworker and three of my sons therapists told me restraining - holding the child during a temper tantrum or time outs and so on is basically giving the child what they want - moms attention. It may not be good attention but it is still attention to a child and the parent gets frustrated in the process and can end up leading to the parent giving in.

Instead child therapists, teachers, nursery schools and so on around here use sticker charts and reward tickets that can be "redeamed" after the child has 10 for a reward like renting a movie, helping mommy make cookies, an outing to a favorite park, free petting zoo and so on, to teach the child what time out is.

Time outs around here is having the child sit in a chair. The person who puts the child in time out tells the child when you are ready to be out of time out please sit quiet and raise your hand.

Then the person putting the child in time out walks away and gets busy doing other things.

When the child is ready to get down he/she and is raising their hand, The person who put the child in time out sees the hand up and goes to the child

Then asks at their level (using words they understand but keeping it down to a one sentence question- ages 4 and up - What got you put in time out? and how can you do it differently next time? Ages 2 and up -keeping the reason down to only a couple words so the child does not lose interest - I put you in time out because you were hitting. Are you done hitting? Then you may go play.

If the child did their time out without fit throwing they get a sticker or reward ticket to put on their chart. At first the chart goes on the wall where the child can see it while they are in time out (gives them a visual reminder that time out is supposed to be done without throwing a fit.) As they get better at remaining in the chair and calming themselves the chart slowly moves out of their eyesight.

There is no time limit on this type of time out. The child decides when they are ready for time out to be done by raising their hand. This came about because Some people believe it is abusive to keep the child in time out for specific times because some children have short attention spans and others have long attention spans. With this type of time out the child is in control of what happens to them They are only there until they regain control of theirself.

Some kids go in time out and within a minute or two have raised their hand and can say what got them in time out and what they will do differently or that they are done with that behavior that got them there to begin with.

Other times kids are in the time out chair for 5 plus minutes depending on how long it takes them to calm themselves down and decide they are done with time out.

no matter how long the child is in time out even if they are still in time out 15 minutes later it isn't considered abusive because the child is the one saying how long they stay in time out by their behaviour.

[(JD)]

(((Hugs)))) My sons never went through such "terrible twos" phase...and I think it depends upon how much attention you give when they are good Try ignoring more of the temper tantrums... leave the room, whisper so they can't hear you without becoming quiet (they do want to hear what you're saying)... and work harder at those moments he is being good or doing nice...and hug him and tell him so! Once he learns he receives your hugging attention without being naughty, he will quickly change his "modus operandi"

Breathe. I only know a few men who never grew out of this stage!

[Maven]

The nanny shows always do the things mentioned in previous posts. Put them in a time out place or "naughty chair," or whatever, one minute for every year of age, and walk away. If they get up, you say nothing, just go pick them up and put them there again, and the time starts over. Each time they get up, you get them and restart the clock (doesn't have to literally be a clock you start and stop; just start the two minutes or whatever over).

Also, ignoring them while they throw a temper tantrum is good. Put some ear plugs in if you need to.

And the two choices thing is another thing I've heard. If you go for ice cream, offer him two flavors: "Do you want vanilla or chocolate?" (any flavors you want to offer).

And it's good to offer rewards for good behavior.

[mrb020377]

my son was horrible about throwing fits! he would throw his-self on the the floor real hard but very gently lay his head down( he learned the hard way from throwing his head down real fast) and then he would look up at me to see if i was watching him... if i was then he woudl continue to scream and cry, but if i wasnt he would lay there crying for a second and he would stop crying and get up, because he wasnt getting reaction from me he wanted. I normally would just walk off not far enough that he couldnt see me but just enough to give him his space...he soon learned that throwing a fit wasnt going to get him anywhere.

he was bad about throwing toys also. I would let him have it back once but if he threw it again, it was put up for a while. I would give it back to him after a while...

talking to them and explaining to them what is acceptable and what is not is good. If you talk to them and give them choices it helps them understand things better. My kids are 10 and 8 and even now when they get into trouble, we talk about it. we talk about why they got into trouble and it helps them understand.

Being a young parent isnt easy!!! Being a parent in general isnt easy !!! Good luck!

[Peanuts]

Lots of good advice already. Sounds like your son is very very frustrated and needs your help to learn how to communicate his needs in an acceptable manner. Might he be getting his molars in and maybe he is uncomfortable ?? Have you inquired with his pediatrician. Is your son speaking, perhaps you can use a reward system to get him to "use his big boy words" instead of screaming for something. Don't give it - whatever it may be (pancake) - until he uses his big boy words. Keep talking in a calm voice that you will give him the pancake as soon as he asks using big boy words. and then give it to him. Try and work with him before he gets too upset. I think that when toddlers get really upset they forget what upset them but find it hard to settle down. Sometimes toddlers have a change in sleeping habits which causes them to be cranky - does your son take regular naps ?? My oldest son always took two naps well into his KG year while my younger son stopped the two naps a day routine around 3 years old. The older one needed the extra sleep and always fell soundly to sleep plus slept well through the night. Do you think your son is needing more nap time ??

Good luck and hang in there, he won't be two for ever although it may seem like it.

[Maven]

It's really important not to give in to bad behavior. Put them in a spot and walk away. If they get up, go back and put them there again, and walk away. Temper tantrums should not be rewarded with attention.

I agree with explaining things to kids. I know a lot of people who don't believe in doing that, that it's coddling, but I disagree, as long as you wait until they've calmed down and you haven't reinforced their bad behavior. I think explaining things helps kids learn to control their emotions, because understanding things means they can't say to themselves, "There's no reason I can't [fill in the blank]! Mommy and Daddy are just mean!" when they understand the reason.

[desirae]

Oh yes, he's a little booger at times. How I normally have been handling his usual tantrums is by completely ignoring him. I don't hold him, I don't sooth him, and I don't even acknowledge his behavior. But I do acknowledge him when his good, I always give him a clap, a good job, or a good boy when he is good....and it's true that they do respond to praise a lot more then yelling and spanking.

I hate spanking him because I feel it;s ineffective, but I have spanked him before. Always makes me feel dumb and guilty, so I avoid at all means.

Yes!!....I want a time out area so bad. My husband said to put him in the chair in the living room. I said, yeah so he can watch T.V!!....lol, yeah right, he would love time outs then. I could make him watch soaps or the advertisement channels...lol.

No but really, the main problem about time outs is not having a good place for it. I do have a couple ideas accept me eats at one of them. I don't want him to feel punished when I'm sitting him down for dinner. IDK...I think it's a great idea, and I love that Super Nanny Show, she is awesome, I love all her techniques.

[Maven]

Do you have a laundry room? That would be a good time out room. A room that's really boring for kids. The bathroom is good, if he's not going to be in there too long, since you might need to use it, LOL! Then again, he might think twice next time, ROFL!