[swthoney37]

Me and my ex were each others first love (you can say). We went though a lot together for 3 years and we always broke up because he never trusted me. I've tried to date other people and I always realized I didn't like them so I would accept my ex's calls. I basically broke up with him because he was always such a mean verbally and mentally abusive person when he didn't trust me even though I did nothing wrong. This has been going on for about a year. The thing is when I end the relationship with him I do not accept his calls or even talk to him. But he calls and texts me at least once a week saying he wants to meet up. Honestly I do really like the guy I just wish he would change his behavior. BUT the problem is that when I do accept him to come back he treats me really nice, takes me out, exactly like how he did when we were happy while boyfriend and girlfriend. Then I think he changed and he really likes me. But then he starts acting like an asshole again. He starts being mean to me for nothing except for the fact that he thinks im this terrible person when I really didn't do anything to make him think that way. Then I get upset and ask him what we are doing with each other because we act like were going out for a couple weeks because he is nice and i am nice back to him. Then out of no where he says "were nothing, I thought we were just hanging out, your probably going to date other people as soon as your bored again" But keep in mind that I never dated another person because I was bored but only because I did not like how my ex would treat me so i would leave him and if i connected with someone else i would just see how that went. The problem is that hes almost always the one contacting me back. He goes out of his way to see me even when I say no. Even when he knew I was seeing other people. He doesn't just try once, or twice. He trys really really really hard. And I ususally accept him because I feel like he still loves me because I see him trying so hard to win me back. But in the end it always is back to him just saying mean things and saying he never wanted me back and such things. If i do bring up the problem like "why are you acting this way, or why haven't you called" he says things like "you dont even try thats why i act this way" But this isn't true, I do try a little. But the thing is I'm never mean to him when things are going good. He just flips the switch out of no where and then we start arguing again. This has been on repeat for so long. Does he really love me? and if he does or doesnt, why does he act this way? Or am I the one that isn't acting the way I should? I am the person that treats another person the exact way I am being treated. If he's nice then I am always nice. And when hes mean I do get angry as well. But I am never mean to him on purpose even though I have things to be upset about with him. For me I just ask and try to talk things out whereas he just blows up and says not to contact him anymore in a mean heartstabbing way with other things he doesn't need to say. And even if i try to talk to him he ignores me so I just stop till he comes back again. But it's always like this. I mean why can't it just be more stable? He says he misses me and calls me baby and holds my hand out in public and things but at the same time he just suddenly turns cold. I'm just so confused because he acts like he loves me and says that he does then acts like he wants nothing to do with me and leaves me cold. But he keeps coming back. This happens like every single or other week for the past forever! I need advice on what to think and do about this.

[Travelinglady]

My advice is to forget him. He might have been your first, so to speak, but he obviously has some serious problems and you did well to move on. I honestly don't think you should worry about what he wants and thinks at this point. Please don't accept his calls, call him, etc.--or else you'll be back into the same sick relationship. You deserve better. (I am being brutally honest here, but I don't think I should be mealy mouthed about it.)

If this decision is hard for you, then I strongly suggest you talk to a counselor about it. Okay?

[astenon]

I agree with Payne1 on this one. Sorry.

I watched very good friend go through a similar situation with her ex. It went on for years and very nearly destroyed her. Fortunately, she's on the road to recovery now.

Don't let this continue. I know you have feelings for him but take a step back and think "Do I really want to be treated this way?" You can find a better man to be with - one who will treat you with respect and honour, not lies and dishonesty.

[adam_k]

It sounds like this guy is no good for you. There are better people out there, it is hard to find someone you connect with, but if you stay with this guy I think he is going to make you miserable and hate life. My old friend sounded like this guy. He started dating another friend of mine. He would be nice enough to make her feel special and then he would crap all over her. Then when she was about to leave he would be nice and compassionate and then it would start all over again. She was with the guy for a year, but she finally left him. Now she is with a wonderful guy and has 2 children and is much happier. I would change your number and cut ties with this guy. He know what makes you feel special and loved and that is what he does to get you to be with him. Then when he is bored, frustrated etc he doesn't care about you. I think you deserve better than that.

[hamster-bamster]

I agree with Payne and subsequent posters. Do not try to decipher his inconsistent behavior. Just block his email address and take other precautions. Put his phone number on "immediately goes to VM" and never return his messages. Let him have a relationship with your answering machine.

[High Treason]

I don't agree with the previous posters that the blame is solely on him. We've only heard one side of the story here. However, it does seem that the two of you are not really compatible with each other on some deep level and that you are fine as long as the relationship is in the dating phase, but once it starts getting deeper, serious issues arise. It may not be anyone's fault, but you probably just need to find someone else.