[headoverhealsdead]

about a year ago me and my gf started to fight a lot. i had issues with controlling my anger and i said things to her and her parents that i deeply regret. her parents are very hard headed and ive tried several times to apologize for my actions and my words. still no dice. i really do not know how to fix this relationship, but i need to. ive asked them what i have to do and they basically said they will never forget what i did. in order for my gf and i's relationship to progress any further i need to fix this. does anyone have any ideas or been in this situation before?

[Travelinglady]

I don't know what you said, but once words are out of our mouths, they can't be taken back. They probably believe you revealed your true colors by the bad things you said.

I don't know that you can "fix" this situation. What I suggest is you see a therapist (if need be, go to a clinic that doesn't charge too much) and talk about what happened and your anger issue. Even if you get better, this relationship might still be a goner. I can't promise anything, of course. But treatment might help you with future relationships.

Best wishes.

[JBAS17]

I have this same problem. I really don't know what to tell you until I figure things out myself. But don't give up someone you truly love.

[JBAS17]

I have a similar problem. I don't really know what to tell you until I figure things out myself. But just don't give up. If you love her, then you shouldn't give up. Time plays a part.

I agree with PAYNE1 that you do see a therapist. That's what I did and I'm a much better person now.

Best of luck! - John

[AAAAA]

Being the parent of adult children I can say that we... hang on to things that perhaps we should not. Human nature. No one will ever be good enough for our children. Throw in a flaw or two and well you see the result.

There is no quick fix to your problem. You violated a trust and of all things trust is the hardest to get back especially from someone not emotionally invested in you in the relationship.

The only thing you can do is 1) learn to control your temper. I have a fierce one and it can be done. When it rears its ugly head and you get diarrhea of the mouth as I call it, you need to identify those triggers and remove yourself from the situation until you are able to control yourself once again. My youngest son has the misfortune of inheriting my temper. With him, starting from a young age we would go through each episode and dissect it. When did it go from yellow (normal anger) to red (uncontrollable anger)? What could he have done to prevent it from going from yellow to red? Some things are beyond our control, so what can he do when it is red to stop him from making the situation worse? Usually that is remove yourself from the situation until you are able to cope. 2) Why are you fighting with your gf? What is the REAL root of the problem?

The "fix" is to be in a healthy relationship with their daughter over a long period of time. For them to see you treating her well and see her healthy and happy. I am sure their desire for their daughter is the same one that I have for my own children. To see them happy.

And here is the secret that sticks in my craw as a parent. You are in a relationship with their daughter. Your first and only obligation is to her. In the end we do not really matter. This is the circle of life, you raise your children in a loving family and then they branch out to do the same. It makes life much easier if its all sunshine and roses, but that is not reality. There are bumps in the road. It is not your mistakes that define you, it is what you do afterward.