[ShaunaTheShy]

I don't understand what happened, he's never hit me before. Last night, I was starting to wash dishes and he thought I was giving him an attitude and he hit me in my arm and started yelling at me. He hit me so hard I couldn't help but instantly start crying. I don't remember much of what he was saying but he denied he hit me until eventually he realized the damage he did because my arm was red and he continuously apologized and held me saying he just meant to grab my arm and that he should've never laid his hands on me even if I made him angry. Even if he didn't mean any harm, he still hit me. I didn't know what to think but it has me feeling trapped now because now I know he'll most likely hit me again and he's easily angered. I don't have anywhere to go even if I wanted to leave and he knows that...what do I do? I don't feel safe around him anymore. I used to run to him for protection and now I'm afraid of him.

[adam_k]

I don't think you should be around him if he is hitting you. You shouldn't have to feel affraid of your partner. He needs help and you need to be safe.

[Scotty204]

He has no right to hit you period. He needs some serious anger management classes that's for sure. In the meantime if you no longer feel safe you really need to start planning an escape asap. People like that rarely change and things will only get worse if you stay with him. Do you know someone you can temporarily stay with??

[gismo]

i would say get out now, sounds like one of many slaps that are coming your way my love,
is there any one you could stay with for a while? or even call? please don't wait until some thing serious might happen.

[High Treason]

Humans hit each other. They are animals, and that is part of the way animals communicate. Society has blown the hitting issue way out proportion.

Edit: If he does it often or with a clear intent to actually inure you then you have a problem, and should leave him immediately, but that doesn't sound like the case in this situation.

that must be an awful thing to go throw. i would call a friend who knows you both and talk about it to assess what is the best thing to do for you. in the meantime i wish you the best. many calming thoughts..take care

[astenon]

High Treason,
I'll probably be the first of many to say this, but you're wrong. Physical abuse should never, ever be an acceptable way to communicate. It is the way of the bully, of the violent, of the abuser.

Shauna,
There are a couple of options:
1. As he's never done it before, something may be bothering him. You could sit him down and get him to talk to you about what caused him to act this way. If he's truly sorry and is willing to seek some help, then you may be able to stay. If he ever does it again, get out.
2. If this is just an escalation of the way he's been treating you recently, then you need to get away from him until he's sorted his head out. A trial separation at least may be needed.

Whatever happens, you should never be afraid of your partner. If you are, things are terribly wrong and you need to consider whether the relationship has a future.

I'm really sorry you're going through this. My best wishes and s to you.

[Anika.]

High Treason, you only speak your truth, not on behalf of all humans.. We do not all behave violently. We have evolved beyond basic survival instinct, we no longer even have instinct over what is human food and what is not anymore. Otherwise maybe we should give up all civilization and go live like other animals but we can't have it all.

He sounds like he does need help with his anger issues Shauna. Especially since he angers often and easily. Especially since he says he didn't even realize he hit you. I agree with Astenon on this one, I think that is all good advice. If this is escalation then I would get out now.

[whoswho]

Originally Posted by High Treason

You're obviously overreacting. Humans hit each other. They are animals, and that is part of the way animals communicate. Society has blown the hitting issue way out proportion. And yes, I know people are going to flame me, but I speak the truth.

Animals also abandon or eat their own offspring. Dogs will mount and/or mark (i.e., urinate on) other dogs to communicate dominance. But these are generally not considered by humans to be a viable form of communication or behavior.

In fact, I am pretty sure there are human laws against "mounting" another person in a display of dominance without consent... Or perhaps society has blown the whole "rape" thing out of proportion, too?

Also, I agree with what was said above, that such an incident should be taken very seriously. He has absolutely no right to hit you.

Originally Posted by High Treason

You're obviously overreacting. Humans hit each other. They are animals, and that is part of the way animals communicate. Society has blown the hitting issue way out proportion. And yes, I know people are going to flame me, but I speak the truth.

Edit: If he does it often or with a clear intent to actually inure you then you have a problem, and should leave him immediately, but that doesn't sound like the case in this situation.

I am with the others on this, you say she is overreacting, I believe you're oversimplifying and minimizing a potentially dangerous situation. It wasn't just a 'communication' with her nor was it a minor injury. Clearly, you could be right that it's not a regular thing but that's highly unlikely. He hit her and didn't even want to admit it, one bad sign, saying he knew he was wrong and tried to cover it up with denial. Second, he hit her hard enough to cause her to burst out crying... obviously thats a major blow. This is a serious problem.

I like what Anika said and who in response to High Treason's answer, which begs to question "HT, do you hit your mate?" I mean do you feel it would be ok to do that to express that you were angry at them? Really.

Shauna, never give into the idea that you're trapped. Even lacking a network of your own friends nearby you can find a shelter, taht's what they are for. Please, call one of the shelters nearby and go there. This will do a couple of things. Not only get you out of the dangerous situation but at the same time communicate to him that you won't put up with it. If he truly cares and is remorseful, he'll get help. I wouldn't return until he does.

That's my take. Hope this helps.
~S4

[Anika.]

I went to a shelter Shauna, and it was a good good thing. The fact that you are feeling so trapped and helpless speaks to the fact that you need some help too. It's not easy to keep self intact when someone is always haveing angry outbursts on us. They can help you with couselling too. Totally agree with sandman, I would not return unless you actually see changes.

[High Treason]

I have rarely ever in my life hit anyone, male or female, but I am also aware that there is a culture of overreaction in this regard that has sprung up in modern decades that is just ridiculous. Clearly people should not try to hit each other, but that doesn't mean the moment it happens, the other person should go run to a shelter. It's silly. Yeah, she said she started crying, but probably more as an emotional reaction than anything. She said her arm was red. I can hit myself only moderately and make my arm red. That doesn't mean anything.

As I've said, if it's something that happens anything more than extremely rarely or he actually shows a real attempt to harm her then there's a problem. Otherwise, I don't see what the issue is.

Originally Posted by High Treason

I have rarely ever in my life hit anyone, male or female, but I am also aware that there is a culture of overreaction in this regard that has sprung up in modern decades that is just ridiculous. Clearly people should not try to hit each other, but that doesn't mean the moment it happens, the other person should go run to a shelter. It's silly. Yeah, she said she started crying, but probably more as an emotional reaction than anything. She said her arm was red. I can hit myself only moderately and make my arm red. That doesn't mean anything.

As I've said, if it's something that happens anything more than extremely rarely or he actually shows a real attempt to harm her then there's a problem. Otherwise, I don't see what the issue is.

i don't have any response, tbh. your ease at minimizing this situation just has me speechless.

[astenon]

I know the feeling. I can't decide if High Treason is deliberately trolling or not. I'm suspecting not and trying not to let his words get to me. HT, if you really can't see what is wrong here then I'm flabbergasted!

Shauna, this thread should be about you and your troubles. At the end of the day, you've had a number of conflicting responses. Only you can gauge the seriousness of the problem and the authenticity of his apology. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you are safe.

I urge you not to ignore this though, it could be a sign of things to come if changes aren't made.

Originally Posted by High Treason

I have rarely ever in my life hit anyone, male or female, but I am also aware that there is a culture of overreaction in this regard that has sprung up in modern decades that is just ridiculous. Clearly people should not try to hit each other, but that doesn't mean the moment it happens, the other person should go run to a shelter. It's silly. Yeah, she said she started crying, but probably more as an emotional reaction than anything. She said her arm was red. I can hit myself only moderately and make my arm red. That doesn't mean anything.

As I've said, if it's something that happens anything more than extremely rarely or he actually shows a real attempt to harm her then there's a problem. Otherwise, I don't see what the issue is.

Are you for real??????????

Shauna you have been given some great advice here apart from this one.
Ask yourself what you're getting out of this relationship

[Anika.]

The fact that he seems to be angry often and with little reason is not really ignorable either. Shauna your other post about him constantly yelling, throwing fits, and be controlling, plus that he says he is only in love with you sometimes are huge flags. It is not just one hit. Shauna you need to look at all of this and I think you were correct when you said there is probably more of this to come. I really hope you find the strength to get out.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by ShaunaTheShy

I was starting to wash dishes

why are you always the one to wash the dishes in the first place? Do you particularly enjoy washing the dishes?

[astenon]

Shauna,
Sorry me again I spotted this posted by amandalouise in another thread. They may be able to help, or at least advise, if you choose to call them.

to put things bluntly sometimes people are not going to believe some things like this happen to people who are different, have mental disorders or live in dysfunctional homes. part of that type of belief system is that if the person is an adult and they continue to live in their abusive situations it sometimes leads people to believe things are not really as bad as the one being abused says..

there is help for adults who are being abused. at least there is if you live in the United States of America.. the domestic Violence program helps those being abused to move out of their abusive homes and into safe shelters or their own safe home, hotel, motel, apartment... there is a national number. you call that number and they will tell you where the Domestic violence program is in your region. they can also help you develop escape plans so that if you need to get out of the home right away you have what you need to get yourself to safety. domestic violence program is free and they dont ask for a lot of details. they just need the basics of what is happening. they will also help you to prosecute those you feel are abusing you..

but only you can take the steps needed to get yourself out of the abusive situation.

the domestic violence number is....1-800-799-7233 and their website is ..
http://www.thehotline.org/

its in every state in America and many towns and cities in America and someone is answering the phones 24 hours a day 7 days a week...

[ShaunaTheShy]

Originally Posted by Scotty204

He has no right to hit you period. He needs some serious anger management classes that's for sure. In the meantime if you no longer feel safe you really need to start planning an escape asap. People like that rarely change and things will only get worse if you stay with him. Do you know someone you can temporarily stay with??

No, I have nowhere to go. My mom and little brother are moving in with one of my sisters and her husband and kids, but they don't have room for me too. The only person who has the room for me is my sisters who are twins. They have a guest room but it's their dad's house and they pay him rent. If he found out I was staying there he'd charge my mom or me rent. If I could find a job out that way, maybe I could but neither me or my mom could afford to pay rent, I've been having difficulty finding a job...which is another thing my bf complains about. It's not my fault I can't find a job...yet, according to him, I'm not trying hard enough.

[ShaunaTheShy]

Originally Posted by gismo

i would say get out now, sounds like one of many slaps that are coming your way my love,
is there any one you could stay with for a while? or even call? please don't wait until some thing serious might happen.

No, I have nowhere to go

[ShaunaTheShy]

Originally Posted by High Treason

You're obviously overreacting. Humans hit each other. They are animals, and that is part of the way animals communicate. Society has blown the hitting issue way out proportion. And yes, I know people are going to flame me, but I speak the truth.

Edit: If he does it often or with a clear intent to actually inure you then you have a problem, and should leave him immediately, but that doesn't sound like the case in this situation.

Well, he already abuses me mentally and verbally which is why I even considered he might start going physical after he hit me because he thought I was giving him an attitude.

[High Treason]

I just read your other thread, Shauna. Actually, this guy sounds like a real ****, not someone who just momentarily lost control. I think you likely already know that you need to get out. I know you can get into a sort of comfort in a long term relationship, and it's hard to toss yourself out of that, but it would be better if you left him sooner rather than later, I think. I didn't have all the facts before.

[Yoda]

info for California domestic violence shelters
http://www.fullerton.edu/universityb...ine%20List.pdf

or you can call the hotline that someone else posted earlier - I've been to a shelter and it isn't fun but it is safe and they usually have therapists to help you

[hamster-bamster]

Shauna, please keep us updated. We will be thinking of you.

[ShaunaTheShy]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

why are you always the one to wash the dishes in the first place? Do you particularly enjoy washing the dishes?

I don't enjoy it at all but he's made it, on top of taking care of the dogs and keeping everything clean and organized, my job and gets upset if I ask him to help out by doing one of the chores. The other day for example, every time I organize the kitchen he goes in and messes it up again and tells me to clean it up. He was telling me that I need to cleanup the kitchen and I confronted him about he always disorganizes everything and he said "The funny thing about that is it can always be reorganized" then walked out and sat in the living room. He doesn't want to do anything to help, he thinks that the moment I moved in, all the responsibilities were mine. I often wonder if that's the only reason he keeps me around...