[lawrencerk]

I have a friend. She is recovering from diabulimia. Well--- she is more my best friend, but the thing is that I have feelings for her and she reciprocates those-- sometimes. I feel like she is yo-yo'ing my heart. I don't believe it is on purpose. Her therapist told her that having that happen is normal. But I think it causes a lot of unnecessary grief and animosity for the both of us. I genuinely care about her as both my friend and as something more. She keeps coming to me and telling me she has feelings for me and somethimes she even asks me to take part in a dom/sub style relationship with here. I have no problem doing so, but I just am bothered by her desire to give me such control over her and then within a week decide she would rather we not discuss sexuality together. This has become a pattern, mind you. All I know is that we both do genuinely care about each other as friends. THAT is a constant. The romantic feelings come and go. For me they are immense and constant. For her they fluctuate between what I categorize as "let's just be friends" and "will you father my children soon". The way that I feel when I am "coming down" from that love high when she takes it away for her own recovery leads me to be sort of pasive aggressive with her. I still do my best to be there for her, but I do end up hurting her on accident just by not being as interested in what is going on. I guess the short version is that I don't know why I keep hurting my friend. She hurts me, but me-- I can cope better than she can with that. She sees every bout of depression I have as a failure on her part as something she did wrong and should be punished for. And on final thing. Her therapist said that I am transfering my insecurities onto her to control her relationship? Can you tell me what it even means? Can you tell me if it is true? How do i stop if it is?

ps I have Aspergers.

[hamster-bamster]

Does she relate to you everything her T says or do you speak with the T directly?

[shezbut]

Hello lawrencerk,

Welcome to Psych Central .

I wish that I could help answer your Q's, but I can't think of any words of wisdom to share. Do you and your friend live at the same place? It sounds like you're spending a lot of time with each other to me. That could make things a bit confusing.