[almostangela]

Hi. I was married to a mentally abusive man for 20 years. It took me that long to get the courage to tell him I was leaving. It took another year and a half to get myself and my children out without being killed. (mental abuse doesn't leave police evidence and a restraining order doesn't stop a bullet). After I left, I went to therapy for years and dealt with what I had to, so I think my head is back on straight. (although the cracks will remain)

Now I find myself very much in love with a fellow named Jim and we have been dating for four years. The kids love him. He moved in 3 months ago and I'm having a lot of trouble. When he does something that I might constue as verbally abusive I totally freak and it takes me a long time to calm down. I am ready to kick his butt out and say goodbye forever, and when I finally calm down, I cry for hours because he really has been the best person in my life. (He helped to teach me how to stand up for myself and is not a threat to me). The next day I look back at the way I reacted and I can't beleive at the overreaction when all I had to do was say 'don't say that' and he would've listened.

Has anyone had this experience with a new relationship, and what did you do? did it go away? any tips? I used to be so passive and now I'm the agressor.

[Rhapsody]

((((((( HUGS ))))))) ~ ~ ~ ((((((( HUGS )))))))

It sounds like you might be suffering from unresolved or unhealed wounds.... have you ever dealt with this in therapy with a T?

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[ster]

I hope you are better.One thing I have learned sometimes a person that was abused takes that behaviour and they do it to someone. If you have a T see if they can see it in you or can work through it .

[nothemama8]

yes, you will lose those old fears it will take time, been there done that.
It took 4 years of kindness and understanding for my hubby to get me over my fears from an abusive relationship, the dear man use to wake up to my screams every night, we have now been married 30 years
Angie

[almostangela]

Thank you for the replies. I don't want to run to a T just yet as I beleive I now have the skills to work these things through on my own. I was hoping someone was in a like situation and could explain this new episode to me.