I'm withholding happiness from my husband.

My husband and I had a very adversarial marriage for about 7 years. In that time, I started withholding emotions from him, specifically positive emotion.

We've since moved past the communication issues we had, and we've mended our relationship (been really good for the last year, almost like newlywed all over again), but I still find it hard to convey positive emotions to him, such as happiness, joy, and excitement. I find that the words die on my lips, and I feel almost embarrassed to smile. At most I smirk and look away. I can express negative emotion just fine, so the appearance to him is that I'm always unhappy. It's much easier for me to communicate through text. I just kinda feel stuck in my own head.

I also have always had really bad self esteem and self image problems. Often when I'm naked with him, I imagine my body as someone else's. Not sure if that's related or a separate issue, or if it's even abnormal.

Is this something I should see a professional for? How do I go about picking one, if so? Or is this something that will eventually fix itself now that we're communicating better? Or is there some info on the web that I can use? I have no idea what this would fall under in terms of disorders or therapies.

Thanks all, I appreciate any advice you give

Hi GiggleGirlTX, it is best that you check with a mental health professional to officially put a name to a possible disorder. Check the Personality forums and look in the schizoid personality forum for more details.

From what you describe some of those details fall under schizoid personality list of details.Please understand that each person may not have all the criteria.

If there is a diagnosis, then it is easier to treat the condition effectively. Other PC members may offer their suggestions for you to think about and welcome you to PsychCentral.

Thanks optimize990h, I'll check it out

Great, so write letters to him. Use the ability you already have, while you are working on broadening your range of abilities.