[Manerva]

I am fighting this inner battle with Myself and have been for 2 + years. I am in love with a man that has been so wonderful to my kids, and me well some. He can be so mean. I am an educated lady. If you knew me before this relationship you would never think I would be like I am... Controlled. My love is a successful businessman. I have an important position at my work. He is used to women who only want him for what he can do for them. He has spent the 10 years before me dating around and messing with young girls and girls he didnt have to worry about committing to. I have truly loved him. And i do believe he loves me. he is just scared of getting done like he has done other people. he does havE a shady past. he gets so mad over nothing. he has called me everything but a child of God. His accusations are so rediculous. I have tried to tell him to stop looking for bad. its just not there. i have taken this and have been totally innocent. Really, he gets mad and calls me terrible names and talks so ugly. He says I have no credible friends. We have broken up 8 times in the time we have been at this whatever it is. He comes back and I am there. I haven't been with another man the whole time even during the break ups. He has accused me of everything possible. He tells me somebody called his work and told him stuff. We am not that important that somebody sits around thinking "hey ill a screw her world up today and call --- and tell him stuff". Really??? Why do I sit here upset over something clearly so not good for me? I don't have the first friend that says anything good about him. He knows in his heart he has been bad. He told me. Any advice on how to not look back and move on? If somebody were doing this to my friends or my girls I'd be ready to hurt somebody. All of this, I am the one who sounds crazy.

[hamster-bamster]

Start by editing his contact in your phone (if you have a smart phone - I do not know if regular phones have this capability) and put his calls through to VM so that you do not hear beeps when he calls. If he leaves a VM, listen to it but do not respond. Think about whether you need to respond first.

If you use GMAIL, auto archive his emails on arrival and look at them when you have time. If you use Outlook, create a folder for his emails and a rule to route his emails into the folder. I do not know how to achieve the same result in other email clients, but this is a technical issue that can be resolved if you ask around or tinker with the settings. Do not bother responding instantaneously.

Do not respond to texts unless he says that he is experiencing symptoms of a heart attack, and even then, just tell him to call 911.

That should create some distance, and in the meantime, use some therapy perhaps to help you distance yourself even further.

Make sure you perform well at work and all of this inner battle with yourself does not spill over at work.

[hamster-bamster]

To answer the question in the title of the thread: we do not know what his problem is or what his problems are, nor is it at all relevant. Your problem is that, in your words, "Why do I sit here upset over something clearly so not good for me?"

That problem should be dealt with and since you own this problem, you are capable of dealing with it.

You are by and large not capable of dealing with his problems even if you are successful in determining what they are, so the time spent on finding out what they are will be for the most part wasted.

[clash]

just fight and fight and remain strong and i know you can overcome anything,in,life

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Manerva

And i do believe he loves me

Unless there is critically important information that you omitted from your post altogether, there is no evidence to support your belief.

Of course, beliefs are just that, beliefs, so they do not have to be based on evidence and you can continue to believe whatever you feel like believing, but since you posted it looking for feedback, I thought I'd point out the disconnect between your belief and the content of your post.

[Leed]

My friend, you're taking all this because you feel you don't deserve any better! And of COURSE YOU DO. And you're taking it because you figure you can't get anyone else -- and OF COURSE YOU CAN. I know you don't want to be alone, but just because you break off with this guy doesn't mean you'll be alone forever.

First you have to learn to love YOURSELF. He's walked all over you to the point that your self-esteem is in the toilet! You've got to get it back. And the best way to do that is to seek counseling. A good therapist will help you do that.

Plus you have to learn how NOT to be a doormat anymore -- take your power back, and get up off the floor. You can't be a doormat if you're not laying down.

Talk to your doctor and have him refer you to a good therapist. You need someone to talk to, so you can find out WHY you're putting up with this kind of treatment. Your doctor will know who to send you to.

In the meantime, kick this guy to the curb. You'll grieve for the relationship, but NOT for him. He's not worth grieving for.. God bless, my friend and PLEASE take care of YOU. Hugs, Lee