[janefarmer]

I am having major issues with my ex. I just broke up with him two nights ago. I felt that he began to become too clingy. He is having difficulty accept the fact that I do have male friends and that some will approach me. I am a bisexual woman and I told him that I do not feel that it is fair for him to take it easy on the females and not the males. I know what my boundaries are when it comes to a relationship and I keep tabs on both men and women and I told him this as well. I just explained to him the other day that I went out to meet one of my male friends on my day off from school. The thing is that it wasn't just me and him; there was a mixture of males and females. He (my ex) told me that he wanted to go shopping with me that day.

I had already stressed to him that I have always wanted to know what it feels like to hang out with friends other than him all the time. He took it as though I said that I have become tired of his presence. I only wanted him to understand that it is not healthy to be up under your partner/spouse all the time. When we talked the next night about it, he said that he understood where I was coming from. Let me remind you that this was the night after I broke off the rship. Anyway, I had also let him know that the reason that I'd broke it off is because I felt that the sex may not get any better. We have very much improved on him reaching the (max), but when it comes to penetration it is a different story.

I told him that each time that we would engage in sex that it always felt different and not in a good way. I told him that it feels uncomfortable and that I experience bad pain. I also told him that I would have wanted to try new things when it all came down to sex so that it isn't repetitive. It takes him a minute to put the condom on because he is hard only for so long and when getting into a different position, it becomes difficult for him to insert his penis. (it would miss the hole). It then becomes frustrating for me because he is small. I have told him this and that I do not have a size preference, but I do feel that no matter what size one is that they should be able to do things correctly. I have dealt with this issue for over 6 months.

As of last night he told me something that he wasn't supposed to. He said that he'd purchased an engagement ring and had been looking into it every since I had my last job in November. At that time, we had been talking about what type of ring we would possibly get each other if we'd ever decided to get engaged. This was also the time that he'd told me to go and get my ring size checked. I caught him up at my job while on my shift looking at the engagement rings with a jewelers book in his hand. He did not know of this. I told him last night. I let him know that I was very upset at that time because when we'd talked about the subject for the first time I began working 12 hour shifts so that I could move out. He then confessed to me last night that the reason that he told me around that time that he didn't go through with it is because he'd second-guessed our relationship.

Since last night after he told me that he'd purchased the ring and why he wanted to marry me is because he was ready to make that commitment. He did not want me to walk away and that he didn't really see any major problems in the rship that we couldn't fix. There was a time in which his smart comments made me want to commit suicide (because of his smart negative comments about me not pleasing him sexually and making me feel like it was all my fault for the issue) and one night when he came over he saw that I was within the process. He stopped me. I told him that it was one of the most difficult times of my life and that I felt that no one cared about me.

This made me see that he stuck with me through everything, even when I didn't have a job. He helped me get one through motivation. Since then, he has not made any smart comments about the sex, nor made me feel as though I couldn't please him sexually. He has made a lot of changes nor has he emotionally cheated on me since then. We both have (me once, him twice). He has been around me the same amount throughout the rship. We went out last night and had a great time. I told him that just because he takes me out after we've broken up it doesn't mean that it is a possibility that we would get back together.

He recently made a video of us (slideshow) with a very emotional song. It had me crying in tears and I can't stop thinking about him. I know that he is hurting inside and so am I. I feel as though it would be so hard for me to move on despite the fact that at times I feel single when not around. I love this man so much and I really do wish that we could make it work. I just at to know if he is serious about wanting to marry me and if he is just playing with my heart. He said that he wanted to propose to me on our two year anniversary (April 3 2013). I really do not know what to do at this point because I know that he is making changes because these are my observations of him. I know that he is a good man and that he would do anything for me. I know within my heart that he loves me for me. I love him for him and not just for what he does.

Sincerely,
lost in love.

P.S. Please help

[Travelinglady]

My suggestion is that you both go to a counselor and talk about the situation, if you are thinking about accepting his proposal. Marriage is a major step, and I don't think I'm being cynical, but people can promise to change, but then once the knot is tied, they aren't so motivated. As you said, he was being clingy, and it is possible the proposal will be so he can latch on.

What if the sex doesn't get better? It sounds like a miserable experience for you right now.

What about the bisexual issues? Do you think you can stay happy just having sex with this one person, who is a man?

My final conclusion: Don't rush into anything.