[shortandcute]

My mom just recently had a birthday--but I was real sick that week and didn't get around to sending her a card. But I did get her a nice card that I was going to send to her with an apology; but before I had a chance to send it out, I discovered that she had posted all over facebook what a terrible daughter I was! She's always pulling crap like that (not just with me, but all of us). Now I don't feel like sending it to her.

[unaluna]

I just think your thread title would make a good t-shirt. My mother forced me to celebrate the last I don't know how many family holidays and birthdays because someone would of course be dead by the next one. I've skipped them for the last few years, I'm over 60 myself, and my absence only seems to extend everyone's longevity. Only the good die young!!

[Leed]

Shortandcute -- Just playing devils advocate here, but couldn't you have called her when you were SICK and told her you were ill? I mean, it only takes a couple of minutes to make a phone call. At least she would have known you were sick, and couldn't make it out to even MAIL a card. Then maybe she wouldn't have pasted all that stuff all over Facebook.

I'm sure she WAS hurt that you couldn't even call her. I would be. Yes, she was childish for putting that all over facebook,, but she was very hurt too.

You have no idea how it feels when children ignore your birthday. Unless of course she's forgotten yours! Hugs, Lee

[shortandcute]

Leed, I see what you're saying here, but this isn't just a one time thing. My mother doesn't want anything to do with any or her daughters--unless she wants to be taken out for dinner. We have all gone out of our way for her but she still rants and raves and lies to everyone that we don't do anything for her.

She is, and has been, a raging drunk my whole life and even before that; I had to steal clothes because my mother was too drunk to even know I needed them. She was always punishing me for stuff she knew my brother did because she "loved him too much." I was being sexually abused right under her nose, but she was too drunk to even notice or care. When I was 16, my oldest sister finally confronted my mom about my step father sexually abusing me---but guess who had to move out??!! ME!!! Because now I was competition!

She was always trying to steal my oldest sisters boyfriends, and made her the slave of the house. She has also made it clear to all of us (except my younger brother) that she wished that we were all aborted--except my youngest brother. She was very clear that she wanted him, but the rest of us made her life miserable! This is just a tiny small percent of the abuse and neglect we grew up with. So I would say being a few days late on a birthday card hardly compares to the hell she put us through.

(p.s. Yes I do know what it's like to have my birthday forgotten. Even when my sisters and I don't forget her, she still carries on about awful we are.)

After reading all of what you went through, then all I can say is sod her. Don't send her the card. Get on with your own life, let her get on with hers and don't let her drag you down or made to feel bad any more. Big hugs

[Leed]

SHORT AND CUTE --- I stand corrected!!! Don't EVER send her a card, call her, or see this so-called "mother' again. She is TOXIC. She is NO mother to you. And I wish she could be arrested for what she put you thru. This just makes me sick to my stomach.

I hope you're in therapy honey -- if memory serve me correctly (and it rarely does) I seem to remember your saying that you were in therapy. I sure hope so. You need someone to talk to - a therapist, to try to deal with this nightmare of a childhood that you had. How I wish I could help you!!! If you ever feel like venting or just talking, feel free to message me sweetie. I'll be there for you! Big hugs, Lee

[LovelaceF]

Wow...I don't think this woman even deserves the title of "mother". She is lucky she gets a card from anyone, ever.

[shortandcute]

Originally Posted by Leed

SHORT AND CUTE --- I stand corrected!!! Don't EVER send her a card, call her, or see this so-called "mother' again. She is TOXIC. She is NO mother to you. And I wish she could be arrested for what she put you thru. This just makes me sick to my stomach.

I hope you're in therapy honey -- if memory serve me correctly (and it rarely does) I seem to remember your saying that you were in therapy. I sure hope so. You need someone to talk to - a therapist, to try to deal with this nightmare of a childhood that you had. How I wish I could help you!!! If you ever feel like venting or just talking, feel free to message me sweetie. I'll be there for you! Big hugs, Lee

@leed--I'm sorry I got so defensive. I wasn't upset with you or anything you said. I just get so mad at my mom sometimes. (((((HUGS)))))

[NWgirl2013]

Originally Posted by shortandcute

My mom just recently had a birthday--but I was real sick that week and didn't get around to sending her a card. But I did get her a nice card that I was going to send to her with an apology; but before I had a chance to send it out, I discovered that she had posted all over facebook what a terrible daughter I was! She's always pulling crap like that (not just with me, but all of us). Now I don't feel like sending it to her.

Hey Cutie~ Some people have an affliction called Verbal Vomit. Your mom sounds like one of these.
You know you are the better person here, so, to me, it seems logical to continue to be. Ignore anything negative. Let it Roll-l-l-l away from you. Do what makes you happy. And don't get sucked into the drama.
If you want to send the card, for you, do it. If you don't, no worries. I find it easier and easier with practice, to keep things light, positive, and cut off the rest with my toxic people. It only takes a minute to be kind. Everyone around you will see you are the bigger person.
Feel good about yourself! No one can take that away from you.

[huntreddog]

It sounds like she is needy? You know your not terrible. Send it anyway or call. I would personally call and let her know that you have been sick. Like NWgirl2013 said keep it light and cut the rest off.

[big zero]

Good grief. I'm very, very sorry you had to go through all that.

I agree with riotgrrrl and Leed. The fact that you thought of buying her a card anyway speaks volumes for what a kind person you are; even after your mother put you through all that crap, you still spared a nice thought for her. That takes a lot of strength. Hats off.