am i to nice?

so the last two relationships were a flop. I am always nice to the my girlfriend. but am I to nice? is that why the don't last long? my last relationship ended tuseday. I found out she slept with her EX before she broke up with. the EX she always complained about how much he hurt her. then my girlfriend before that didn't even talk to me. like is it me? do I repel girls? I have no problem making friends with them. but actually dating them is the problem. they seem to get bored with me. what do I do?

Hi firefighter369,

I think the "nice girls are attracted to bad boys because nice boys are boring" spiel is a myth. As a girl who had her fair share of dating before settling down, there's no such thing as being "too nice" in my opinion (unless you're being what I like to call 'creepy-nice', but that's another story; I had a date like that once, the guy would do the toothy smile thing and nod and say "That's so wonderful!" or "That's so insightful, you are out of this world!" at everything I said... **cringe**).

Anyway. It's hard to draw a conclusion without knowing more details about your two exes, but don't forget: sometimes, the problem isn't you - it's them. Maybe they weren't actually going for a relationship in the first place, but just a fling. The first one, the one who slept with her ex, doesn't seem like the type you'd want to keep around at any rate. It takes two to keep a flame going, so you can do your best and the girl can still leave because she doesn't want to give as much as she gets.

Could you tell me more about how a relationship goes for you? What are the things you do? How often do you spend time together? I seriously doubt you 'repel girls', as you said - but maybe we can work out on a few improvements overall. How about it?

firefighter,

No, I don't think that you are being too nice to your gf's. Is there such a thing? Well.....yes.

If you allow your gf to talk smack to you and treat you like a POS, you're being WAY too nice & you're going to be taken advantage of.

If your gf basically gets whatever she wants and acts like a baby whenever you're around, same thing.

Hopefully, you weren't too nice to your gf's. I hate to use that term, I really do! But, unfortunately, it's true. There really is a certain class of women that love to treat their men like crap. And I hate that!! The trick is that you're in a 24-hour job, so it's a little tough to have a "normal" relationship.

First off, the women that you become involved with should understand the job that you work and the hours ~ how that all works. It's pretty screwy, especially in fire season! Some women are perfectly fine with accepting a man who works hours like these. Others wouldn't be so understanding. They may feel lonely, bored, depressed, etc. I would recommend that you try to take relationships a little more slowly, to see that there actually is a bond before a commitment is made to hopefully prevent more heartache in the future.

Best wishes to you!

perhaps girls who have issues are attracted to you because they want someone to be nice to them but don't know how to change their problems so keep going back to them. Thats not about you. Its about them. But maybe you need to decide what you want from the relationship - what kind of person you want to be with. If after a few dates things seem to be going south, don't pursue the relationship. Recognize the un/healthy patterns if you can and don't commit right away. If guys have to prove themselves, so do the gals.

Hi Firefighter, I dont think being nice is something to feel bad about. Be particular about the women you date and get to know them first, before becomming involved with them. You can be nice but also, find things out about them and be particular. If its not what you want dont waste your time and move on. You will feel much better. Your relationship with yourself is important.

I don't think you can be too nice to your partner. You just haven't met the right person yet - the woman who deserves your attention and flattery. My bf is the nicest, kindest person i have ever known and i am thankful every day that i met him. That doesn't mean we don't have problems - everybody does, they are all just different problems. Imagine if everybody in the world was the same - how boring the world would be!!! Just remember to work at your relationship every day - nothing grows without care and nurturing.

Hang in there - 'The One' for you will come along...

There is no such thing = i can tell you as a girl - that makes the gender of female be attracted more to males with a tough character, with violent tendencies, or who are cold or unforgiving. However - we all know that there are both women and men who are attracted to people who are less nice than they are - if they are very nice. This may includes you. Are you attracted to girls who so NOT nice, usually?

I don't think you are too nice, but if you are only nice, that could be a problem? Do you have interests of your own you pursue? Just going along with what another wants/is doing can be boring as there's no "you" there?

I agree with Big Zero. It take two and you may need her help?

every girl I talk and start to date I tell them flat out nothing is going to come between me and firefighting. and that's the truth. nothing will. not school nothing. firefighting is who I am and risking my life for others is what I do. if they cant handle that then they are gone

That's a good first step, firefighter. How do things work out from there? Specifically, have you noticed a trend in how long your gf will stick around before she starts looking at other men to fill that hole within themselves? Is it a few months, or years?

Are you living with one another when this occurs, or in separate pads? On time off from work, were there any special activities that you shared with your gf's, or was it more like hanging out together whenever you could?

Do you continue with daily workouts on your days off? Ever try to get the gf involved in working out with you? Imo, that could be a lot of fun and share a special health bond on dedicating yourselves to keeping on top of staying healthy together. Just like you do with the guys at the fire station every day that you work! You keep each other motivated.

I wish you the best! Take care!

"every girl I talk and start to date I tell them flat out nothing is going to come between me and firefighting. and that's the truth. nothing will. not school nothing. firefighting is who I am and risking my life for others is what I do. if they cant handle that then they are gone"

Can't help a whole lot with the "too nice" part, but this jumped out at me. Take it from someone who has been there, maybe some things should come between you and firefighting. The fire service is very hard on relationships. Just so you know I know what I'm talking about - for many years, fire/ems/hazmat was my life. Looking back now, I can see I went way overboard with my career. For a lot of that time I was working full time for one fire department and coming home to volunteer with another. I routinely worked 90-100 hour weeks in the summer and over the holidays when other guys were taking their vacations. Once worked 60 hours straight, and 133 hours that week. Didn't get away from it even off duty. I've worked a drowning in front of my kids on vacation and a fatal auto accident with them sitting in my truck watching.

I neglected my kids and ruined my marriage. To really finish things off, I spent way too much time with one of our female firefighters and had two affairs with her. DON'T BE LIKE THIS!

Don't get me wrong, I'll never regret the years I spent in the fire service. Saving lives, protecting property, and aiding the sick and injured is the best thing I could have done with my life and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I do wish I'd used a little more common sense and kept some balance in my life.

Remember you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. If you want a relationship, take time to work on it. Go on a date somewhere outside your district. Let the lady know she's a priority by getting away from the station for a while and letting the other guys (and girls) do their job. Give yourself permission to have a life outside of firefighting. You'll last longer in the fire service and have a more rewarding life too. Take it from someone who's been there.

Hope things work out for you.

Bowhunt72 - Firefighter II / EMT- Paramedic / Hazardous Materials Technician

that doesn't scare them away. I take my time away from the station to work on myself. I think its just the girls I go after. they lose interest in me fast. so I stick to firefighting to make me feel needed ya know? im only 19 so no kids or wife. im not sexually attracted to the females in my department ether. I just am gonna take a break from trying to find a relationship and focus on school and becoming a better firefighter

Some women are disconnected in that way. I for one, as a woman, always pick up on the little things that men do for me. I'm sorry the last two were a flop for you but there are women out there that do appreciate the things you do for them and will reciprocate. I've been in that situation with men before, and I know the feeling of how much it hurts. I hope you find someone who appreciates YOU!!!

Two flops = two datapoints. Meaning, two facts, probably unrelated to one another.

Two datapoints = two flops = insufficient data = not enough data

Cannot draw conclusions from insufficient data.

Need a pattern - two flops is not a pattern.

So you are OK. From your posts, you come across as very nice but not excessively nice - just right.

Do not worry too much about it.