[Dgs2011]

My SO has been having issues with family and his own health. It has been going on for over a year now and I can tell it's wearing him down (I've been as supportive as possible given the situations he's been through).

Things were going fine, then out of nowhere I randomly received a text indicating something happened (he didn't tell me what) and that he can't be "bothered" right now and for me not to take it personally. I sent back a very quick loving response.

I'm not sure what to make of this, I don't want to anger/stress him out even more by pushing to find out what happened, where he is, and how's he's dealing. Being a woman it's difficult to pull back and "let him do his thing" until he recovers. For those of you that experienced something similar, what has happened? I understand men like to be alone when they are at high stress levels, but how is it when they're dealing with issues that are long term? They want someone by their side, but then also want space, understandably. Particularly for men, when stress levels reach a certain point is it normal to just pull back for a few days and ask for space? I'm just trying to grasp how I can interpret this behavior and how to react if I don't hear back from him in a few days....is ok to get back in touch??

Thanks.

[Leed]

Hi ~ I know this is stressful for you. I'm sorry he hasn't let you know anything.

I don't know how long you've waited so far, but I think i'd wait a couple of weeks, and THEN try to get back in touch with him. If you get the same response, I'd just forget it, and move on. If he chooses NOT to let you into his life and his difficulties like most couples do, then I guess he doesn't think much of the relationship. I'd let him go and just move on and try to find someone else.

You need someone who TRUSTS you, and this one obviously doesn't. If he did, he would include you in any issues that come up. He would look to you for support and include you in any decisions he might have to make. I'm sure you would do the same with him, if you were going thru such things. So look for someone that YOU can love and trust -- someone that DESERVES you. God bless and please take care. Hugs, Lee

[avlady]

It could be something he doesn't want to share with you because the hurt is too strong,even for him to handle, and is afraid of showing his feelings when he's vulnerable and knows it. It was not right, i don't think, that he left you hanging with wonder, but hopefully you'll learn what it was soon.

[pachyderm]

I don't think that "men" do anything that is confined to them, or characteristic of them only as men.

Also, maybe your SO thinks that his difficulties may harm you, so he is reluctant to share because he feels it might harm you. In that case you have to be pretty sure of your own ability to handle whatever it might be, to reassure him.

[Dgs2011]

Thanks for all your responses. He has been letting me in with what's been going on, but I think things got to a certain point where another problem came up and it was the straw that broke the camel's back and he's just overwhelmed. All throughout he's let me in with what's been happening, but this time it's different. I'm worried because the last time he reacted like this is when he had a death in the family and I just wonder...what if? I stepped aside and let him know that even though we're more like "friends" now that don't think I won't stop being there for him. I do recognize that this isn't the relationship I deserve to have, however, it's very hard when I have such deep feelings for someone. I'm ok with letting him be for a couple of weeks, and I'm not one to push for answers (I have a tendency to get defensive when someone does that to me), but I guess it's come to point where I'm now looking for perspectives from other people. You all gave great viewpoints, interesting enough when I've had my pitfalls he was the first one to contact me day after day and make I'm ok, but with him, he just wants to be left alone...which I will have to respect...for now...

[justme1980]

Hello,

I know exctaly how your feeling going threw the same thing 100% unless you want to lose what you have you have to push back or show him that hes going to lose you to becuase besides the fact he has issues with family and health you have needs to be loved and if he is being completly distant then you need to stand up and let him know completely how you feel show him that he will loose you but make sure you tell him your there if he needs you and how much you care but if he dont let you in then let him go...

hope things work out