[roxiannabell]

hi there, thank you for reading my post, i really would love some advice or constructive critasimn.Im a 24 year old newly wed and iv been wondering if i have made the biggest mistake of my life. i love my husband so very much, we have been together for 4 years lived together for 2 years and married now for 7 months. but i think everything is not quite how i thought it would be. we got married because we both lost our jobs and had to move in to his pairents cottage in their back yard ( his mother is a minister and insisted we marry if we wanted to live together). we where planning on getting married any way so it wasnt a big deal. the thing is i dont feel like our relationship is our own, i know people say you dont just marry a man you marry his whole family but surely there is a point or a line that is crossed? the only time we are alone is when we sleep and even that gets interupted. his sister wants him to go everywhere with her and he does because if she doesnt get her way she complains to their pairents and they threten us,and his dad always wants help with his computer or something that is even nessesary e.g he wants more than one anti virus installed doesnt like it then wants it reinstalled changes his mind a few hours later and thats how it goes. to add to the situation iv taken up a part time job as his moms secretary and she is a night mare boss i only get paid to work until 1pm but most days only finish work at 7 pm. she brings me work on weekends and late at night on, friday she asked me to make 200 flyers for her easter sunday service, i showed her one to check and aprove, she said she was happy so i printed and folded them after which she said she doesnt like them and i must redo it. they invite themselves over and eat all our food and complain about the " quality" but we can only buy what we can afford. they push our rent up every month, i got a lease agreement but they refuse to sign it and when ever we ask for privacy they say that we must move. iv told my husband that i am unhappy here and miss him but it only makes him feel bad as there is nothing he can do because of the constant threat of being kicked out. i know i am complaining alot but the consant critasimn and belittling his family does is really horid, they treat us like children and punish us if we say no to them or do what they say. this is really a horible situation and i know i should be grateful to have a place to live but i keep wondering if i should leave him, i know i can go stay with my brother but i dont want to loose my husband, has anyone else ever had an issue like this/ what did you do? please im so very unhappy here. ps sorry english is not my strong point.

[LovelaceF]

Can you convince your husband that he needs to help the both of you get out of this situation soon? It sounds horrible, but it doesn't seem, from what you posted, to necessarily be your husband's fault.

I would try getting a new job, first. Then, saving up money to move ASAP, personally.

[Travelinglady]

I agree. Try to get your husband to agree to move away. It's hard for anybody to live so close to relatives. Your in-laws sound unreasonable, too.

[shezbut]

Hello roxiannabell,

to Psych Central!

It doesn't sound to me as though you're complaining about anything that is your husband's fault. No, I don't think that you made a mistake in marrying him (at this point). Rather, it sounds as though you two are in a very tough spot trying to make it work.

Working for family can often be a complete nightmare! I know, I've done it a few times. We often get pushed into working ridiculous hours, being underpaid, feeling guilty and angry. NOT a good situation at all. I understand very well how you're feeling in that department. It sux!!

I highly recommend that you and your hub sit down and talk openly about exactly what is going on and how unhappy you are living there. I would expect your hub to have some mixed emotions about the whole situation. It would be really helpful and bonding if you two could work together on coming up with a plan on how to end the path that you're on now. Perhaps he needs to sit and talk with his family and firmly request some peace for the two of you; ask his mom to stick to your scheduled hours of work, rather than pushing additional days and hours without pay; etc. Maybe he doesn't have that type of relationship, in which he can speak that openly with his family. If not, that's something that he's going to have to work on if you're going to make any progress.

Don't give up though ~ give your hub a decent chance to really try to improve things first. From there, the two of you can talk about looking for work elsewhere & improving your own small family life.

Very best wishes to you both!

[NWgirl2013]

Hi There Roxiannabell ~
Whew! It sounds like drama at your place. So sorry to hear. I would say, you seem like a lovely,sincere & Patient new wife. And I agree with others here, working for family is hard enough without the close proximity of being under their roof too. Good Grief! Poor thing!
You two have enough history to step back together as a couple & start making some plans of your own. Be a united front & think of yourselves as a little family.
Setting goals together would be good. It goes without saying that work & home changes are at the top of the list. Boundaries seem to be an issue too. Talk to your husband about how best to set them with his family.
Try to carve out some time together, even just to take a walk. Alone time is important for marriage at any stage.
Don't forget: It's not you or your husband. It's the circumstances. Stick together & come up with a plan. Set some little reachable goals.
It will be alright. You have each other And that's huge.

[roxiannabell]

ahhh thank you so much everyone. SHEZ,we tried to speak to the family but they say we are being ungrateful for "everything they have done for us". hubby is a bit angry with me at the moment (but it wont last long we always make up within a few hours) because i told his mom that i am going to start looking for another job and will be advertising my posotion from tuesday ( monday is a holiday). she compleatly freaked out at both of us, mostly at him. but im sure with time it will blow over. and NWgirl2013 you are so right we do have each other. LOVELACEF and PAYNE1 his dad has agreed to build a wall around our flat and make a seperate entrance for us we said that he did not relise that he was being so offencive. So we have got dads co operation, getting his mom and sister to back off a bit is something that is not going to happen but once we have a wall and a gate we can pretend not to be home (hehehe) thank you everyone