[Fallenangelxox]

Hello everyone. I am in a relationship with a wonderful man, and we have been together for 2 years. I have been having a lot of trust issues, and issues stemming from being abused previously by other men as well as raped. I have been trying to work through the issues, but I just started therapy about 2 months ago and I feel like we are just getting started. I feel the issues from my past are really hurting my relationship now, because although I was abused from 2003-2009, I am still suffering inside. Anyways, I wrote this poem to my abuser to vent my frustration about what he took from me; my ability to feel safe and to trust. Let me know if anyone can relate or what you think

“Never”

Pain
Ripping writhing burning screaming
Love
Laughing living sunlight breathing

You took my light
Replaced it with emptiness
You made me look twice in the mirror
Stabbed and gutted
Dragged and stomped
Spit on and broken
To put myself back together again
After the attacks you embarked on my body and my soul
I rose up and fought
For myself and my future
To prove them wrong
That I would once again fly
I mended my wings
I glued myself back together
After they all mauled me…
After they left me to die.

Someone will love me again
Someone will love me…
I can be loved
I know it
He won’t do what they did,
All of those years weren’t for nothing
Look, I found someone good
God is smiling at me
God does love me
After all of that
I found someone to love me
And He won’t do what they did.
My pieces glued back together
I am shiny and new, now
My wings mended
I can trust again
I fought for that
I clawed to build myself up
To mend my broken soul
Bare knuckles and blood
As I built the strength
To trust again
Because he won’t hurt me
See?
I can do it
I won
They were all wrong…
I can be loved.
He loves me, now.
I have him
And he will never do what they did
I can be happy now, forever
It is safe to be happy

Shattered glass
Cut yourself in front of me
Tell me its my fault
Scream at me
Tell me, tell me I’m a ****
A *****, a bigot, I’m stupid
I’m worthless,
It’s my fault you want to kill yourself
No one will ever love me
Black my eyes
Then do it again to me
again
Again
AGAIN.
Bruise my arms
My face
Bloody my lips
Throw me through glass
Choke me on the bed I bought for us
Our beautiful bed
Get on top of me and choke me
Pin me down
My eyes start to bulge
My tongue is coming out
I am turning purple, now.
I don’t want to die,
Please, let me go…
Darkness
I wake up
Tears down my face, I can’t feel my body
Am I dead?
Did death finally take me?
No
I see you
You are crying, you tell me love me
Was this a dream?
It was a bad dream
Because you wouldn’t do this to me,
You are my hero now, remember?
Because you could never do what they did, right?
Please, stop crying….


Who is that girl in the mirror?
Why is she crying?
Is she singing?
Is she dying?
She is dying.

He will never hurt me
He could never hurt me
Never again will it happen again.

Never ever believe the word “never”

[Travelinglady]

I'm sure many people can relate to your poem. It's very powerful! I hope you can work through these feelings so you can have a good relationship.