[julie234332]

My friend just had a court case today and unfortunately he is going to jail for 4 years on a plea bargain. He did something stupid a year ago, but i know he is a good person and a loyal friend. He called me tonight crying, and I did not know what to say. He said he was debating on killing himself. I told him he must text me tomorrow morning when he wakes up. I am sure he won't kill himself, but I am still so upset and feel so bad about the situation. Any ideas of what I can say to him to make him feel better, and how to take my mind off the situation? Thanks.

[NWgirl2013]

I'm sorry this is happening. Your friend is scared ~who wouldn't be. But you can tell him you will be there for him, visit (if you can). Maybe he can use the time to study, think of it that way, as paying for his mistake & not wasting the time. This may sound simplistic, but it may make sense to him eventually.
I know a guy who went in for something stupid, did time, & came out a really strong person. Like, he worked out everyday,(a good thing to be physically strong in there I hear) and he was a man of faith so he saw the priest in prison. He read A lot. Worked when he was allowed to. Looked forward to visits like crazy. But he got through it. He grew up a lot.
No one wants to be in prison. He knows he will have to be really strong to get through it. Reassure him that he is.

[julie234332]

thanks for your input.. it is prison by the way.. not jail.. if that makes a difference.. what would he be allowed to do in prison?

[NWgirl2013]

Prison, like the state pen, right? I don't know about your state, but in CA they were not sitting around. They earned the right to do things(like work) after some time served.

[julie234332]

New York.

[julie234332]

my friend, who seems normal and happy in general, is going to prison and has to serve 4 years. he was on the phone with me and said he wanted to kill himself and i told him not to. i am scared he eventually will before he is sent to prison. is this normal?

also, i am disgusted by his crime so i do not even want to be friends with him anymore. now i feel things are awkward between us because of this whole prison scandal. i am scared that if i end our friendship, he will kill himself.

[Leed]

Hi Julie ~ did your friend commit this terrible crime while he was under the influence of drugs or alcohol? If he was a "normal and happy" person, it doesn't seem logical that he would commit a terrible crime unless he was under the influence of something. But you never know.

I know you're disgused by his crime, but perhaps he needs a "friend" right now. Do you think you could be a long-distance friend? He needs support to get thru this. He needs to know that SOMEONE is out there that gives a darn whether he's alive or dead. Do you think you could do that? You don't have to go visit, or anything, but just let him know that you do care.

He IS a human being afterall. I guess a lot depends on the crime. For instance, if he did something to harm a child -- I'm not sure I could have ANY contact with this person at ALL. That's just the way I am. Children are off-limits to me, and if he harmed a child I wouldn't give him the time of day.

I guess you'll have to make the decision. No, I wouldn't want to see anyone kill themselves -- but he if committed a terrible crime, he's going to HAVE to do the time. It's as simple as that. I can tell you ARE a very caring person. God bless you and take care. Hugs, Lee

[jadzea]

I know it is really upsetting when a friend in distress threatens suicide. I have a friend who used to do that. I would tell myself I was not reponsible for their life which is true but it didn't help me much. Finally I told my friend not to say such things unless she was really serious because next time she did I was calling the police and having her committed. Funny thing, she never said it again.

Try calling your friend's bluff. He may just be talking and if he is not, calling the police may save his life. As for staying his friend, you have the right not to accept his actions. It doesn't matter if he was drunk or high or just being stupid, he stepped over the line. You do not have to continue to be his friend. He will lose many things because he committed a crime and is going to jail. Your friendship is just one of them It's his fault, not yours. The more you stay around him the more your reputation will suffer by association. I'm not saying this is right but it is a fact. Protect your emotions, your sanity and your future. Do what you have to do. He'll get over it.

[julie234332]

my friend, who seems normal and happy in general, is going to prison and has to serve 4 years. he was on the phone with me and said he wanted to kill himself and i told him not to. i am scared he eventually will before he is sent to prison. is this normal?

also, i am disgusted by his crime so i do not even want to be friends with him anymore. now i feel things are awkward between us because of this whole prison scandal. i am scared that if i end our friendship, he will kill himself.

attempted rape of a minor, but the minor was willing..he was set up by an online detective.

[julie234332]

the online detective was supposed to be 14 years old and my friend is in his 20s.

I don't have any answers for your questions. The first time you posted this you described him as a good and loyal friend. What changed you view of him?
Also curious about how this all unfolded. Was this "set up" done by licensed law enforcement? Did they actually use an underaged girl/boy?
How do you know he/she was willing?

[julie234332]

He is a good and loyal friend, but what he did is really ****** up, and I cannot seem to put it behind us. I guess my friend was online to meet girls. There was really no underage girl because an online detective was impersonating one. He asked her to meet in person, thinking it was the 14 year old girl, and the online detective agreed. He then got arrested.

[lynn P.]

Has your friend had the trial and already been sentenced?? I feel its best for him to go to an ER and tell him you're not trained to handle suicide emergencies. Even if the minor was willing, its still against the law and awful. Trying to deal with a persons suicide threats can be very stressful and I suggest you pass it onto professional. He needs to deal with this problem.

[julie234332]

my friend, who seems normal and happy in general, is going to prison and has to serve 4 years. he was on the phone with me and said he wanted to kill himself and i told him not to. i am scared he eventually will before he is sent to prison. is this normal?

also, i am disgusted by his crime so i do not even want to be friends with him anymore. now i feel things are awkward between us because of this whole prison scandal. i am scared that if i end our friendship, he will kill himself.

the minor was willing..he was set up by an online detective.

the online detective was supposed to be 14 years old and my friend is in his 20s. He is a good and loyal friend, but what he did is really ****** up, and I cannot seem to put it behind us. I guess my friend was online to meet girls. There was really no underage girl because an online detective was impersonating one. He asked her to meet in person, thinking it was the 14 year old girl, and the online detective agreed. He then got arrested.

[Inedible]

He has a problem and needs help. If he were in Iowa I would get someone to go to the courthouse with me and get him committed. It would be too easy. I'd warn him to pack for a couple days and be ready for his ride.

i have a friend who is in the same boat. however, he is getting a minimum of five years. he's taking it well, though.

your friend needs to buck up. he got himself into this mess. there is enough media coverage of people getting busted for this stuff that he should have known better. now he needs to handle the consequences for his actions.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by julie234332

my friend, who seems normal and happy in general, is going to prison and has to serve 4 years. he was on the phone with me and said he wanted to kill himself and i told him not to. i am scared he eventually will before he is sent to prison. is this normal?

Julie,

I am not sure what you mean by asking whether it is normal. What is normal? His idea of killing himself? Yes, this is normal, and many people throughout the world's history have been known to kill themselves to avoid imprisonment. It may not be the best idea, but it certainly is not anything new or unheard of. Is your being scared normal? It definitely is normal.

So everything is normal