[lido78]

I'm just wondering how important it is to actually say the words "I love you" in a romantic relationship. My boyfriend of 3+ years has never said them to me first, unless he is trying to make up with me after a fight. He's never said the words unsolicited, and I'm just not sure if this is signficant in terms of our relationship or it is just the way he is. At this point, I never say it either because I don't want to even force him to reply in kind if he doesn't think/feel to say it first. He can be a fairly detached, even aloof, person at times and I try to respect who he is. However, if he would be more inclined to express feelings of love in a different relationship, then that would be important for me to know. I've asked him about this in terms of past relationships and he says he's heard this complaint before. Could it be that he actually does not feel love or he just does not feel comfortable expressing it. If the former, I'm not sure whether to stay. If the latter, it's probably not that big a deal to me.

[Neversolost]

If I had been honest with myself about this subject 20+ years ago, I probably wouldn't be posting here today.
IMO, Considerate it as a red flag and move on. Don't settle ... Choose wisely.

[lido78]

Neversolost...did you find out the other person involved did not love you (or was not capable in general of love) or was it more about not being able to say the words?

Originally Posted by lido78

I'm just wondering how important it is to actually say the words "I love you" in a romantic relationship. My boyfriend of 3+ years has never said them to me first, unless he is trying to make up with me after a fight. He's never said the words unsolicited, and I'm just not sure if this is signficant in terms of our relationship or it is just the way he is. At this point, I never say it either because I don't want to even force him to reply in kind if he doesn't think/feel to say it first. He can be a fairly detached, even aloof, person at times and I try to respect who he is. However, if he would be more inclined to express feelings of love in a different relationship, then that would be important for me to know. I've asked him about this in terms of past relationships and he says he's heard this complaint before. Could it be that he actually does not feel love or he just does not feel comfortable expressing it. If the former, I'm not sure whether to stay. If the latter, it's probably not that big a deal to me.

To feel the love a person has to give, showing passion doing little things that mean something special. This what my husband used to do for me, this matters more than the words. My husband says I love you all of the time but acts differently. Everyone is different and it's meaning is complex. It's good that you follow your intuition on how you feel about what love is and what he feels and shows you. in my opinion.
warm thoughts

[HollyC]

It has taken my boyfriend a while to say "I love you" he is not really a feelings sharing kind of guy. To me, while I like to hear it, it's not really all that important. There are other ways of showing that he really cares about me. For my boyfriend, talking about feelings is not something that they do in his family. He is just now starting to become comfortable talking and sharing feelings with me. We have have discussed several times about why communicating feels is important. These discussions have really help our relationship.