Need urgent help :/

I have been together with my gf for a long time, I have problems with her past . Ill make this short for you guys

Bad things:
She has touched guys things, and two guys have attempted to have sex with her , she was gonna but one guy tried to get it in and couldn't and she said it didn't feel right and stopped it, and other guy didn't go and she said and she stopped trying. Idk what to believe though it hurts a lot. Just the fact she's touched another guys part, and those guys got her naked and did those things, it hurts me and I feel like she had sex idk, I know it's her past and I'm trying so hard not to let it bother me, she regrets even trying and she says she's the first guy she's felt comfortable doing that with(we've had sex a lot) so idk what to think.

Good things;

I'm only guy who she's done it all the way I guess but I still feel like she did , only thing she's done is touched one guys thing, one guy (I think same guy touched her) and she tried(not did) with two guys but I feel like she's lieing to make me feel better. I'm only guy she's done everything else with and she said she tried for not even a min till she stopped trying to have sex, she tells me she wants me forever, my kids, my everything.


I don't know what to think or do it hurts so much.

You both appear to be very young.

1) you are both so young that you should not spend time talking about "forever, kids" etc. - at least, not seriously.

2) you should stop inquiring into her sexual history. Just put a lid on it forever. She does not owe you reports on her sexual history. If you positioned yourself in a way that made her feel that she needed to resort to white lies to make you feel better, that was not really nice of you.

3) enjoy frequent sex and stop tormenting yourself.

You are indeed correct in not knowing what you think about the various things that she has said so far, because your behavior could have caused her to tell you various things that are not true in an effort to make you feel better. So her regrets, her wanting you forever, that she has not been comfortable with anybody in the past might ALL be just ways for her to make you feel better.

Hence, you cannot trust any of that.

If you in general want people to tell you the truth, the best way is to make it safe and comfortable for them to tell you the truth, without fearing your becoming upset.

Do you NEED to know the truth about her sexual past? Not in any way.

But if you really WANT to, you should make her feel safe and comfortable talking about it, and in order to make her feel safe and comfortable talking about it, you should stop being judgmental, stop needing proof that she has never been as comfortable with anybody as she has been with you, etc. Would it guarantee that she will tell you everything? No. Nothing would guarantee it, but you would improve your chances of getting truthful information from her. Again, not that you need that information.

The only FACT known to you is that she and you have had frequent sex. That is a very positive fact and you should base your thinking on that fact alone - both because it is so positive and because it is the only reality you can be sure of.

Hope this helps.

i think if you like this girl and want to make things work with her then you must stop worrying about her past. everybody has a past! if she responds by remaining faithful then she's worth your trust and feelings now.

Quit worrying about her past and concentrate on her present.

When I think about my youth there are many things in my past that a boyfriend may have found uncomfortable. I am nothing like that person anymore but my past experiences have made me the caring, compassionate person I try to be today. My husband and I never asked each other about our pasts. It didn't matter. We were not together and it made no difference in how we related to each other. We have a great relationship many years later. Live in the here and now. The past is gone.

By the way, how is your past?

If you THINK this girl has had frequent sex in the past, GET TESTED. I'd much rather be safe than sorry. You have NO idea what she could have picked up. And keep being tested like every 6 months, cause this stuff can take awhile to appear.

You don't really NEED to know her past. It's not required. What about YOUR past? Why is it that guys are SO concerned about a girls' past, i.e. that she be a virgin or something, yet THEY can go out and screw around all they want? What is the difference, I'd like to know? They call the girls *****s --- what do they call the guys? Just players, right? Not fair.

I WAS a virgin when I got married, but I remember wishing I wasn't.

If you're still teenagers, be careful. You don't need a baby, and a baby does NOT DESERVE to be born to two teenagers.

Stop worrying about her past. Take care. Hugs, Lee

Your misery needs company:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/relat...lp-please.html

I've gone into my most recent relationship with the concept of tabula rasa, or blank slate. She has told me a ton about her past, some of it kind of sketchy, but it was all before me and I'm giving her the opportunity to be whoever she wants to be with me. That means that even though I know a lot of things about her past I don't hold any of it against her and I will not use any of it in an argument. The only things I may take issue with are from when our relationship started.

The point is that what's in your girlfriend's past is done and there's no changing it. It sounds like she's really into you anyway, so just focus on what's between the two of you instead of focusing on things that happened before you even came into the picture. What matters is what the two of you have together now. Dwelling on what may have happened in her past will just cause conflict when there's nothing that can be done about it anyway.

It truly is a bad idea to ask or tell about prior sexual contacts, except in the most generalized of terms related to health and safety. The fact is, virtually everyone has a past, and talking about it leads to jealousy and angst. Now that you've opened that can of worms, it's going to be difficult to close it again, but I urge you to try.

She is with YOU now. Remember that. She chose YOU. And what she did before she knew you has nothing to do with you.