[jadzea]

I have been cruising this forum while eating my lunch. I have read about people who do not trust their significant others and sneak around into their facebook accounts and cell phone records to find out if they are cheating. Someone has to constantly experience her boyfriend's reaction to things she did before she even knew him. They ask if people think their mates are cheating. They talk about how their SO's don't trust them or how they have to watch what they say so they do not hurt their feelings. One person wanted to know if she should maintain a relationship with a guy who dropped out of school and does nothing all day but play the guitar. There is a lot of talk about long distance relationships with people who do not come to meet them yet they swear they love them.

Why do you want these people? If there is no trust there will never be any peace. Why do you talk so much about your past? As long as they were not a serial killer or some other criminal, it doesn't matter. What matters is what they are doing now. If you can't trust someone you will always be on edge wondering what they are up to when you are apart. You do not want a relationship if you have to constantly walk on eggs for fear of offending them with an innocent comment. These lazy people with no jobs and making no effort to find one will be dragging you down forever. They have no reason to work if you support them. How can you love someone you have had cyberconversations with for 2 weeks? You don't even know them. And, why do you send them nude pictures?

This message may sound like it is geared to women but it goes for men too. You have to respect yourself and refuse to accept this type of behaviour or you will never have a quality relationship. You will not find a good person if you are spending your time with these losers. Stand up for yourself. Demand their respect. Say "no" once in awhile. Tell people it is not alright for them to treat you this way and you will not stay around and let them do it. They are probably only staying with you because you make their life easier and you are willing. Believe me, life alone will be better than spending your time with someone who does not care about you and does not go out of their way to make you feel happy and secure. Life is too short to live in such misery.

I agree completely. But if life were that simple, everyone would be happy. Wouldn't that just be fab?!
I do have to say tho, while you were eating your lunch, did you ever give a thought to why people are struggling? And why people stay with these people? It's because people get caught up in the drama of the highs and lows. They can't see the wood for the trees as have been mucked around so much. I won't even say really that its love for most people, its more like an addiction, or that the self-esteem has been beaten so much that there is little of the sparky person left. This happens, its real. I've always been such a strong person, until I met someone who did this to me. I thought I could make him happy and be a better person. Ha. I learned the hard way (though not as hard as some poor souls) that this is not possible. But with hindsight it made me understand why others do what I did, and put up with the rubbish. Until then I never understood why my friends stayed with the wrong people. Its strange behaviour from seemingly altogether people for sure, but it really can creep up on you. I will never condemn a person for being in a bad relationship again, all I will do is try and get them to see what's really happening, as kindly as I can because I've been there too. Which I think to be honest, most people realise anyway, but don't like to admit it. Otherwise why would they be here?

Sometimes it just takes a friend, even an internet friend to listen, not judge and to help when can. That's why this place is so nice.

[Leed]

Hi Jadzea ~ I agree with you 100%. But I ALSO agree with Riotgrrrl 100% too, cause I got sucked into a relationship that ended up abusive, and stayed there for MANY years. I was too afraid, etc., to get out. And this place wasn't even a twinkle in anyone's eye back then, so I had no place to go for advice. LOL

I'm glad there are places like this now. I sure could have used it back then. Oh well -- live and learn.

Thanks for BOTH posts! God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

[jadzea]

I was trying to get people to see what is really happening. I am far from perfect and I wish I could say all of my relationships have been positive and nurturing. I was trying to show the posters that their relationships were not either.

As I said in another post, I am very passionate about many things and my passion shows in my interactions. Some people get the wrong impression bacause of it. I only care about people and hate to see them hurt and suffering. I know we all have some sort of mental condition or illness or we would not be here. Our illnesses do not make us any less derserving of respect and caring. We are not lesser people because of it. We should not accept less from life.

[RomanSunburn]

Unfortunately, I'm sure they know there's something wrong in the relationship... Why else would they post about something so private as the inner workings and flaws of their relationships?

I understand what you were trying to do, and I appreciate the effort and caring that sparked it, but I didn't like how you singled people out (not by name, but pretty still pretty obvious) and exaggerated some of the things going on in others' lives to the point where some of it just wasn't true. It kind of puts them on the spot and, if it were me, encourages more defensive behavior than the result you were going for.

I hope I wasn't offensive and sorry if I was.