[shortandcute]

My daughter excepts me to spend about $200-$300 for her birthday. I don't know what's gotten into her lately. I haven't worked in about two years and am barely making ends meet--and she knows that! She's gonna be 17 so she's old enough to understand. I do want to do something for her birthday, but I can only afford so much; just now, I overheard her making plans with her brother for an expensive b-day party that I was going to have to pay for and I told her that I can't afford that, and she threw a fit! We've always kind of butted heads, but she has been really wierd towards me this last year. I've noticed it started getting this way right around the time I started to face my mental illness. I don't know if she lost all respect for me, or if she's fighting it, or what.

[NWgirl2013]

I have a teen too. I think of it as stretching. They do it at every age, push the boundaries...see if there is any give....push again.

She can't make the money appear either I am assuming. Your health challenges are a chance for her to learn to be gracious. A hard one sometimes. She no doubt does not want to hear that, she wants a big fat party.

All you can say is, 'yes honey, that would be amazing .....' She can want that, it's okay to want that.
Maybe a small, manageable party. Maybe she could talk about reality and what is Actually possible, if she wants to celebrate her day.

She can learn to compromise. It won't kill her. Make her mad, yea, probably. Don't feel bad as she feels her way too about your illness. It is your reality now. Not the end of the world as we know it.

Respectfully & with Compassion as one parent to another

[Leed]

I can sympathize. My granddaughter was a real pain beginning at about 13 up until she turned 17. She thought the world revolved around her, and didn't want to hear that it didn't!

I think what you're going thru is pretty "normal" for teens at that age. They're learning how far they can go; they're trying to find out who they are and it's difficult for them, not to mentlon the hormonal changes that are going on in their bodies. Personally, I'd never go back to that time in my life! It was AWFUL.

See if you can't get her to compromise without having WWIII. It takes a lot of patience and love to deal with a teenager. God bless. Hugs, Lee

[Aoikaze]

You might try to sit down and have an honest conversation with her without getting confrontational. Try to listen to her side too, but not just what she says. Teens often have a hard time talking about the things that are really bothering them.

Offer her opportunities to participate in family conversations where everyone is trying to be as open as possible. Personally, I'd recommend a good family therapist if only to act as a sort of referee because these kinds of conversations can often turn hurtful. It's a situation that people can easily get swept up in because each of you cares so much about the each individual and the family as a whole.

Your illness doesn't affect just you, but also has an affect on the rest of your family. A family counselor can help you through the tough times and make your family stronger as a unit, and help each of you come to terms with life as it is. Several therapists offer options that can reduce the cost. If you have a University nearby check into their psych department if they have a counseling program in the graduate college. Several of them offer services on a sliding scale with very good supervision and dedicated student counselors.