[monkeybruv]

Ok, I just wondered if anyone else has experience with this. I've had a friend since I was 8 (now 19) and she's always been...peculiar. She used to just stare at people when they spoke to her when she was very little. Since getting over that, we've always been 'best friends', although I've never really trusted her, she helped bully me when I was 13 and often abandons me for 'new interesting' people and *****es about me to them. I always made excuses but now I have real friend I know it's not on.
What's weird is...since we've been drifting apart (uni etc) she's started trying to...be me? it sounds really narcissistic but it's gone on long enough now and my other friend and mum see it too. I've recently been diagnosed with Depression and Anxiety, something I've suffered with since I was 12, along with self-harm. I've never properly spoken with her about this, till my diagnosis, but she must have known, seeing scars and knowing what I'd been through with school work etc. But she never asked. Now she's started scratching her arms and posting things about 'depression' and 'anxiety' on tumblr and pictured of people with self-inflicted injuries. She doesn't know I've seen her tumblr btw. And I've also been struggling with my sexuality for years, I didn't tell her about this till the girl I had feelings for left uni and I was struggling with it. Yet again, no recognition or wanting to discuss it further, but suddenly her fb page says 'bisexual' and she's posting pictures of scantily-clad women EVERYWHERE. And then, just as I got a boyfriend this year, she advertised on her tumblr for a valentine's date and BAM, a boyfriend. She also tried to lead this guy on and said he was stalking her when it'd got to the point I was about to call the police on my ex for harassment. And when I was worried about it, thinking she was actually being harassed, she said she thought it was funny to do that to him and it didn't bother her.
It's really frustrating. It's making me feel kinda like I have no personality and I'm just all these 'issues' she's trying to emulate. It also makes me feel attention-seeking and despicable for resenting her getting attention for these things when I kept quiet about them for so long.And more to the point, i don't want to be associated with people like that because of my diagnosis she's not normal, but whatever she has is not the same as i've got! help?

[hamster-bamster]

My youngest child had this problem in elementary school - her classmate/gf copied her. It really annoyed my daughter. I talked to the girl's mom about it and it helped, but still, my daughter dissociated herself from the gf.

I have heard stories of women whose female colleagues copy their wardrobe.

When you are adults, you cannot talk to the mom of the copycat.

So you need to distance yourself from her. You cannot control or curtail her copying activities, but you can spend far less time with her than you used to.

[jadzea]

I had a friend that did exactly the same thing. I finally told her I could not see her anymore because of it. I told her she had to do things that she wanted to do and wear clothes that she liked. It didn't matter what she thought I would do or wear. I told her that my personality was not strong enough to support two of us It was very hard for me to do because I do not like hurting people and, she was hurt for awhile. Then she found someone else to leech on. And so the pattern continues.

[monkeybruv]

I am now spending a lot less time with her because we go to different unis...but still it continues. And I know I should stop looking at her tumblr, but I can't help it...I want to call her out on it and ask what she's trying to do but I'm afraid I won't get an answer...she'll just go silent or something. Also, I'm about her only friend from home. She has new friends at uni but I'd still feel bad, although I've been able to think of nothing good about her for quite a while now. It's been so much of my life, I just want to make sense of it! :/

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by monkeybruv

Also, I'm about her only friend from home. She has new friends at uni

The relevant question is whether YOU have new friends or more friends, not whether she does.

[monkeybruv]

Yeah I do. Plenty who actually care about me, now. Maybe I can gradually phase her out...

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by monkeybruv

Yeah I do. Plenty who actually care about me, now. Maybe I can gradually phase her out...

There is no reason for not being able to phase her out then. I hope with time you will be quite all right.