[4815162342]

Everyone tends to leave or betray. Some may not even feel it when friendship fades away but it does... slowly. Friendship is just temporary.
I haven't seen a case when someone hasn't been betrayed or abandoned by an old(dear)friend.
Take for example your friends that you had in school or kindergarten.
Are they here with you? Most move on. How can you explain this? May it be because as we grow, our preference of friendship grows with us? Does everyone get tired from a permanent friendship?
How many friends have you had in kindergarten, high school, college, work(These places are the ones people usually make a lot of friends at.)... etc.?

[hamster-bamster]

I am a close friend with a gf I met when we both were 4. I also have several close friendships with people I knew in adolescence. But I have a gap for elementary school friendships - nobody from then.

I have no friends from childhood, but I moved around a lot when I was a kid, oversea's and over my own country. There was no email or facebook back then to make life easier to keep in touch! But I can't say I have ever been betrayed or abandoned. People have moved on sure, as have I, but I don't have a problem with that. It's natural.

I have found that with my oldest friends from my late teenage years, we hardly keep in touch these last few years - they all have families, whereas I didn't have children. So we have little in common anymore, but if we do catch up (although rare) its with warmth and like we've never been apart. But this is natural, we move along in life meeting different people, making friends as we go along. We also lose friends as we go along too.

I appreciate every single one of my friendships over the years, even the ones that perhaps I have ended up avoiding in the end as not healthy, because I have so many wonderful memories of the fun we got up to.

[Leed]

Hi ~ I recently lost a very dear friend -- but she didn't leave me voluntarily. She died.

We met when she was 5 and I was 4. I lived behind her and my Dad would put me over the fence so I could play with her. That was 60 years ago, and we were inseparable until she died. That was 60 years ago !!

So yes, some people DO have dear dear friends who stay thru thick and thin, thru deaths and marriages, and divorces and everything else you can think of. She was more of a sister to me than my own sisters!!! I miss her terribly -- yesterday was her birthday, and I hope she could "feel" me thinking of her.

Perhaps I was lucky to have a friend so long -- but friendship has to be worked on too. You can't expect friendship to just "be" there. Hugs, Lee

[avlady]

I have few friends left that i keep in touch with,none from work, my husband grew up one block away from me when we were growing up. i also have a friend from kindergarten who emails me every so often just too keep in touch. my college friends i don't know where they ended up, but i did have some great times and i miss them.

[4815162342]

Nice stories.
I guess friendship is different for certain people.
I've been betrayed a lot by different people and so I stopped making friends. That's how it goes for me.

Originally Posted by 4815162342

Nice stories.
I guess friendship is different for certain people.
I've been betrayed a lot by different people and so I stopped making friends. That's how it goes for me.

That's hard. And even harder to want new friends when you've had your fingers burned. But please don't give up. Perhaps you are in a rut of looking at the wrong people for friendship - a bit like how some people date the same sort of person and keep getting hurt. There are some good people out there, and people that can be very kind, loyal friends.

Hugs.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by 4815162342

How many friends have you had in kindergarten, high school, college, work(These places are the ones people usually make a lot of friends at.)... etc.?

I have a friend that I've had since I was 2. Maybe, it was the making mud pies in diapers, thing, that bonded us?

[4815162342]

Originally Posted by riotgrrrl

That's hard. And even harder to want new friends when you've had your fingers burned. But please don't give up. Perhaps you are in a rut of looking at the wrong people for friendship - a bit like how some people date the same sort of person and keep getting hurt. There are some good people out there, and people that can be very kind, loyal friends.

Hugs.

Somehow I've lost all hope on friendship. It's just the experience I've had that's made me think like this. The feeling is indescribable. I feel like I'm an outsider sometimes because of this and maybe I am.

[liveforfish]

I'm not a friendship person either. I get along with people, but I don't let them get too close.

I'm a "popper" friend. I'm there when you need me, in a crisis etc. Then I loose touch for awhile. I'll keep up with emails, but not good with phone calls.

I tend to focus on my family instead. I also don't trust anyone not to deceive me or hurt me in some way. People are human, it can't be helped.

[runner0o]

I feel the same completely. I don't believe in friendship at all because of the same reason - they're going to leave eventually.

However, I'm starting to realize that friendships are made on value added basis. For example, when I look back at all the friends that I've had in my life, it's been because I've helped them or received help with one thing or another. It's like an adventure. Once that adventure finished the friendship ended.

For example, I was volunteering in university and made a ton of friends there. After I quit volunteering to focus on studies, no one talked to me anymore. The adventure had ended and so the friendship.

I've come to realize that humanity is a concept of Human Resources. When we use people or when people use us, it becomes a binding relationship. Just like when you get hired at a job, you are a human resource - you are being used to complete a set of tasks that benefits the company.

[4815162342]

Originally Posted by runner0o

I feel the same completely. I don't believe in friendship at all because of the same reason - they're going to leave eventually.

However, I'm starting to realize that friendships are made on value added basis. For example, when I look back at all the friends that I've had in my life, it's been because I've helped them or received help with one thing or another. It's like an adventure. Once that adventure finished the friendship ended.

For example, I was volunteering in university and made a ton of friends there. After I quit volunteering to focus on studies, no one talked to me anymore. The adventure had ended and so the friendship.

I've come to realize that humanity is a concept of Human Resources. When we use people or when people use us, it becomes a binding relationship. Just like when you get hired at a job, you are a human resource - you are being used to complete a set of tasks that benefits the company.

It is as if we're parasites... Using each other for personal benefit.

Originally Posted by 4815162342

It is as if we're parasites... Using each other for personal benefit.

I find that so very saddening. I understand what is said, and yes I guess it is true to an extent. We all have friends for some reason or another and yes, we benefit from it. But surely that's the point? Not in a negative way using the word parasite, but by an even, a mutual benefit of friendship. If there was nothing in it for a friendship then surely we'd not bother? A friend can be fab, someone who helps you, someone who you help back with ease and even pleasure, someone to trust and have a good time with. Benefit yes, and a rather nice one.

People moving on is natural. We are always changing as people as the years go by, so it's totally natural that we can lose touch with some folk, even tho they were once fab friends. It may be as simple as nothing in common anymore, without ill feeling can be enough to drift apart. This isn't a slight on anyone, it's not a crime, its just the nature of friendship sometimes.

I think if you feel so strongly that you think of friendship like being a parasite, then I would say that that perhaps some of your friendships were never equal or healthy in the first place. I could argue that they were not a true friend, but more like a user. But it would be a real shame to label everyone the same.

[4815162342]

Originally Posted by riotgrrrl

I find that so very saddening. I understand what is said, and yes I guess it is true to an extent. We all have friends for some reason or another and yes, we benefit from it. But surely that's the point? Not in a negative way using the word parasite, but by an even, a mutual benefit of friendship. If there was nothing in it for a friendship then surely we'd not bother? A friend can be fab, someone who helps you, someone who you help back with ease and even pleasure, someone to trust and have a good time with. Benefit yes, and a rather nice one.

People moving on is natural. We are always changing as people as the years go by, so it's totally natural that we can lose touch with some folk, even tho they were once fab friends. It may be as simple as nothing in common anymore, without ill feeling can be enough to drift apart. This isn't a slight on anyone, it's not a crime, its just the nature of friendship sometimes.

I think if you feel so strongly that you think of friendship like being a parasite, then I would say that that perhaps some of your friendships were never equal or healthy in the first place. I could argue that they were not a true friend, but more like a user. But it would be a real shame to label everyone the same.

When I go outside I see people that use. They're everywhere. I don't have a life because I try to avoid them. I haven't met anyone that cares. Maybe i'm just insane. That has to be it. I've grown up with people that have bullied me. Nothing changes. Two days ago I was approached by one of those people, which made me think about my sanity. If I was normal I wouldn't have been like this. If I was normal I would have had friends or trust people or have some social experience but I don't. Why do those people only do that to me? Do I defend myself? It won't be worth it.