[MzBee]

OK, so I'm new here and been having issues with my girlfriend. We've been together now for about 2 years and things seem to get more and more sour, especially if I don't agree with her...I always find myself agreeing or saying I do simply to not have to hear her try to convince me about it.

We live in an apartment and we decided to make an aquarium stand. Well, I no longer have anything to do with it since she took over. Fine, she's actually good at that stuff while I'm not....

Anyways, I come home from work and she's using a power saw to cut wood in the living room. My kids are sitting watching tv (she's 12 and he's 9) I say something about the noise and she just gives me an aggravated look and starts using the hand saw. I put in my headphones and get online and send the kids to watch tv in their rooms. I'm upset because there is no dinner made and she knows I get off work too late in the evening to provide dinner, unless of course I order something. ANYHOW, after a while I get up to look for the menus and I can't walk far due to the sawdust so I asked her if she had something she can use as a tarp and went and grabbed the broom to sweep the wood shavings into a pile. (I did this yesterday as well and she said, "thanks babe") tonight however it was a different story, she got upset and threw down whatever she had in her hand. I immediately told her that it's nothing to be mad about, I just need to get through to the room to grab the menus. (we keep them in a ziploc) She said she can go elsewhere to do what she needs to do....making it about the woodworking.

I didn't care about the woodworking, it's a smallish apartment and there's not really anywhere else to saw, except for the basement which I mentioned before we even went out and bought the wood and she said no, she didn't want to do it down there.I got peeved!! I raised my voice and started telling her it had nothing to do with the wood work and to stop making it about something that it isn't. She kept going on and on about how I do nothing but complain and been complaining since I got home. I DID NOT! I mentioned it once and seeing that she didn't want to move around I sent the kids to their rooms and played online for and hour and a half without even muttering a word about it anymore. What I did ask about was dinner! to which she replied that she grabbed something already. *frustrated*

My problem is this...whenever I bring up anything, like a suggestion, or even bring to her attention when she's being selfish she twists it up on me and brings up other things. Like tonight, I didn't care about the woodworking at all. I want the stand to get done and am eager to see the finished product. But because I said something about the sawdust it turned to this big ole thing where I can't even remember exactly what was said but I know I was livid and lost my cool, telling her that she is selfish and inconsiderate and she COULD cut the wood elsewhere but instead wants to do it in the middle of a high traffic area taking over the living room. So SHE WON, she turned it into me having a problem with the damn wood cutting when I didn't have a problem with it...so here I am screaming at her about how she's always making things about something else when she doesnt want to be accountable for the real issue...and I mean huffed and puffed yelling.

yes, I have a loud mouth and yes, I told her it had nothing to do with it and she always makes things go her way by manipulating everything to then later cry victim. I told her I was sick of her and that's when she almost too eagerly asked what I was going to do about it. WHAAAAT?! I'm so confused, now it seems like she wants to break up but she started this mess! she threw the saw and drill and took down all the wood and went to bed. I ordered the damn pizza made her a plate and asked if she wanted to eat(about 45 min later) and she was being all nice saying thank you babe but sniffling like she was crying under the blankets or something. I'm going to lose my damn marbles over here!! She always makes me feel bad and I always apologize...she has no ownership at all and when I do bring it up she always says some sarcastic stuff like, "next time I apologize I'll note it in the calendar"

If she's so tired of me, why can't she just go? I'm always stuck being the damn villain. Now that I had time to chill I CAN apologize genuinely for losing my cool, but she will inturn use that as a copout and she will only complain about how I snapped....never mind that she caused it by twisting things up.

I dont get it. Am I going nuts? I so feel horrible for yelling at her, I love her but I am tired of this little game of hers...now I'm wondering if she even wants to be with me....if she does, this isn't headed the right way, but if I say something when we're both calm it's not gonna matter....it's going to be my fault.

I can't win!

Hello there.

Have you ever tried talking to her, not after an argument, or during, but when things have calmed down? Perhaps too that you could suggest couples therapy? I think you both need to learn to communicate better with each other.

I think you did have a problem with the wood cutting and about not being made dinner. You admitted losing your rag. And it just turned into a fight. Think of it from her perspective too. She may have been better to cut the wood in the basement, but she was probably just thinking she was getting on with the job and that you'd be pleased. This did turn into a fight out of nothing really, and this is why I think you need to communicate better. Ie, if she told you a day before that she was going to cut wood, then you could've made yourself dinner the night before, and had reheats or something, and she could've put a protective sheet down. Problems solved, and no arguments.

To be told by someone you are sick of them by the way is very damaging. Even in the heat of the moment. Sorry to tell you off, but again, it all points to you both needing to communicate better.

Good luck...

[MzBee]

You are absolutely right....we did talk and things seem better today.