[agatha9]

It all started yesterday, when my mom told me I've been rude to her for the last two weeks. I couldn't control myself and I told her I'm sick of her and of my dogs. I'm unemployed now, so I have to stay home and deal with all kind of situations. One of our cars was hit a few weeks ago, when we left it outside on the street, but we don't know when it happened. That car was also taken by the police about six months ago but they took just because they wanted to get a bribe or something. Point is, I've had nightmares about it ever since and I live under a lot of stress. Also, I have to take care of my mother's furry children, but they don't respect me. The dogs won't eat when I give them their food, and recently they started urinating all over the house. I'm sick and tired of living with the mop in the hand and having to clean it all. Yes, I'm frustrated because I can't find a job after almost a year and my mother keeps telling me everything I do wrong, never what I do right.

I have tried to talk to her about all this, but she is just impossible. I try to explain to her how I feel, I tell her what I need from her, the things she does that hurt me and, I don't know how, but she manages to twist it all and make me feel like everything is my fault and that I have to change. That's when I explode and start yelling. I feel like I want to punch myself, to rip my skin off and make her understand that I'm suffering. I also told her this, but she won't listen. And this has been this way for the last 10 years. I just can't seem to find a way that she'll understand me. I just need her empathy. It's not like I'm having the best time stuck at home, dealing with all this, but she always says that she's at work, that her work is more stressing, that he comes home tired... It's like none of my problems matter to her, like she truly believes I'm just watching tv and playing on facebook all the time, even though I cook, I clean, I wash our clothes and I do as much as I can to make her come from work and just rest. I'm old enough to deal with this on my own, I even could be married and with children, but it's the first time I have to go through all thois. I need her to give me more credit for what I'm doing, I need her to stop minimizing what I'm experiencing here.

Any thoughts on this?

[Jan1212]

I don't know if this will help, but I had the same issue and I just avoided her. She would be in another room, I would be in another. Talking was very brief, offering to help with dinner before I had to go to the library to study, or pick up something she needed while I was at the store.

People don't change, and some people don't get along, you're both adults with your own minds, will never agree 100% on anything so it's okay to set your own boundaries.

I also realized she can't help me anymore. She has done everything already, and I don't ask for any favors, or go up to her to tell my feelings anymore.. it's sad, but we just couldn't get along to that level.

I mean we do talk, we're happy now. I'm not going to let her take out her anger on me anymore.

[hamster-bamster]

You can try withholding housekeeping services to see if she will then notice how you USED TO contribute but no longer do...

Not the most pleasant step, but might be worth taking.

Basically, she behaves the way husbands who work outside of home often do towards their stay-home wives - the husbands do not appreciate the contribution of the wives and think that because they work stressful job outside the home, they have special entitlements. They don't!

[hamster-bamster]

Why cannot she feed the dogs herself? how many times a day and when do the dogs need feeding?

[hamster-bamster]

Anti-Icky-Poo Cat and Dog Urine Odor Removal

my cat lover friends swear by it.

have not tried myself.

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

Anti-Icky-Poo Cat and Dog Urine Odor Removal

my cat lover friends swear by it.

have not tried myself.

One more vote for this stuff... I think I need to check into the stain remover, too...

This is the one I use for urine and feces...it has live bacteria in it that eats up the yuckiness and removes it from the carpet (but not always the stains):

http://www.antiickypoo.com/anti-icky...with-sprayer-2

[baker007]

Agatha, I read your post and feel for you because that was my life when I was single and lived at home. I was 28 before I left home and all those years I did the same. Cooked, cleaned, laundry, chores, handled a lot of responsibility for her. Basically everything while she worked.
I don't think I'm in a position to give you advice because I am dealing with some issues with her now and we haven't talked in a month. It's been hard.
What I can say or what I should tell you worked for me was once I became busy with something outside of the house. The stress that my mother gave me didn't seem as bad. No matter how many times we argued or we werent getting along it didn't effect me as much because I felt like I had an outlet.
At times, I ignored her, stayed to myself, went on strike from her chores. I did all of this just to get her reaction to show her, look at all I do here. I was taking care of the household since I was 16 years old. It didn't matter as I got older and finished school, if I had a job or not, I still did everything. I agree with Hamster. I think my mom treated me at times like I was the stay at home spouse.
I just wanted to say that I really sympathize with you and understand what your going through.