how does one gain trust back....after cheating.................................REPEATEDLY

i know it takes someone with a bigggg heart to continue in the relationship.

Can the scars be completely wiped out?

[Little Lulu]

Short answer - a lot of commitment and hard work by both partners ... and faith that the infidelity has stopped.

As important is the hurt and disappointment you feel. Keep coming back, take care of yourself, and find a good support system. You'll need it to get through this.

[IceCreamKid]

Have you considered trusting that the cheating will go on as long as the "relationship? does" I see a lot of sad posts about trust and lack of trust. But I think so many are missing the point. You can safely put your trust in people being who they are. Who they really are, not in what you want them to be. Constant cheating in a relationship says to me: a cheater or not a relationship based on fidelity. I'm not trying to be funny; I am trying to point out the tree in the midst of a forest of hoped for reassurances of something that might not really be there.

[hannabee]

I think you deserve better! I doubt you will ever truly trust him again and there is no reason why you should. Sometimes it is better to cut your losses early, find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I married someone who was a cheater, but I was young and dumb and then had kids with him. Wouldn't divorce him because of my kids....so now I'm stuck. Don't let it happen to you.

No, I don't think the scars can be wiped away completely.

And no, personally I know that I could never trust someone who cheated on me once, let alone repeatedly. I wouldn't want a relationship that was uneven or someone I suspected the worst every time they were late home, or didn't pick up the phone etc. I couldn't do that to myself.

[Neptune83]

Trust is incredibly hard to gain back after something like this. Personally I think if its once then that could be a mistake and worth working on, but more than once I feel is just trying to have your cake and eat it. If my husband cheated on me repeatedly I'd leave him. Whether I still loved him or not, because there has to be a point where you put yourself first. It's not fair to be treated like that over and over and to be honest, how can that person really care if they're repeating the same mistakes? They saw how much the first time hurt you, why would they want to hurt you again? That's how I see it anyway. I'm sorry if that's not what you want to hear, but I don't see how someone can say they love you if they keep cheating on you. If this were me, I couldn't rebuild trust if it kept happening.

Originally Posted by hannabee

I think you deserve better! I doubt you will ever truly trust him again and there is no reason why you should. Sometimes it is better to cut your losses early, find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I married someone who was a cheater, but I was young and dumb and then had kids with him. Wouldn't divorce him because of my kids....so now I'm stuck. Don't let it happen to you.

SHAME! im the cheater here

http://forums.psychcentral.com/relat...-bisexual.html

please see if u can shed some light on my miserable wretched brains

[Neptune83]

Ok, wasn't expecting that!
Your actions could be down to any number of things, only you know why. It could be as a result of a mental health problem, perhaps you weren't you at the time? Maybe you were behaving out of character? Were you drinking? Using drugs?
Not saying you're loopy so please don't take this the wrong way, but when I lost the plot I started drinking heavily and behaving very out of character, even at times when I wasn't drinking though, times when my mental health took a real bad turn, I cheated in a previous relationship. There were a number of things having an effect, none of which I think excuse my behaviour. But altered the way I felt at the time. I decided a break would be best, which led to permanently splitting up because being apart confirmed to me that I was happier without him. He'd done nothing wrong, I'd just grown apart from him and I needed to sort myself out, it wouldn't have been fair to drag him through any more.
So maybe you just don't love this person? Or maybe you have issues you need to work on?

thanks neptune..
no addiction problems....drug...drinks...nada!
if u have the time.....go to confused cheating bisexual thread....ull see the full story...
even if u dun...thx 4 ur time n input

[Neptune83]

Read and replied

[Perna]

I would not look at the trust, I'd look at the repeatedly. If we do something repeatedly that is telling us a lot more than mere words can. I would not trust someone else to not cheat if they had cheated on me more than once but I would also see the whole as a warning to me to look at my attitude about the person, how I personally define "cheating" (some people consider talking to someone of the opposite sex cheating), and how the other person does/does not treat me with love and respect. I believe actions do speak louder than words and there's a whole lot of other actions possible in a relationship than just the sexual. I don't believe someone can treat me with love and respect and cheat me at the same time (by which I mean have sex with another adult, while hiding/trying to hide it from me).

If someone lies/hides from me, they cannot get back my trust. If I were to lie/hide from another, I'd get a clue that I did not love that person and was not being respectful of them and I'd go work on myself, by myself to learn not to lie/hide from those with whom I wish to have intimate relationships.

Perna. Thx a lot. I'm in transit at an airport lounge. But gimme coupla days n I shall post a reply to ur insightful post

[chicca]

Help please?

My husband of 6 years cheated on me 6 months ago...we still together, but I cannot forget everything every single day . He is showing me love and respect day by day now, but Im still thinking he is going to do it again...even when he tells me it won't happen again.
My heart fell in pieces when he told me we needed to get apart because he wasn't happy and a few minutes later he told me there was someone else. I fought for him at the time because we had so much and I thought it was beautiful before this happend and I also knew his trashy friend had a lot to do with it because he did not like me at all and he liked the nasty girl the my husband was seeing. I didn't want to let her take everything I had so I gave him a 2nd and last chance... we moved out of the state and he hasn't talk to her in months but I can't forget those weeks of pain. He also says they did not have sex but messed around it just hurt so bad sometimes. I love him and we are expecting our first baby but I don't know how long is gonna take for me to heal my heart.

[TanyaP]

Originally Posted by touchdownlexus

how does one gain trust back....after cheating.................................REPEATEDLY

i know it takes someone with a bigggg heart to continue in the relationship.

Can the scars be completely wiped out?

If someone cheated repeatedly it's really hard to gain the partner's trust back. If it was only once or twice under some special circumstances it could have been simple mistakes as humans are all imperfect. But if it happened many times, it's much more difficult to win the partner's trust back.. Both partners should talk to a good counselor to resolve such a problem I guess (if they want to continue at all)..

Thank u Tanya for ur input. And everyone else too.
My problem has been shoved aside as a non issue. It's almost like frikking wake up n smell the coffee u aren't a child. Stop misbehaving. U need attitude adjustment.
But I need help in adjusting my attitude. I need help to cure this addiction.
New someone who for once would stop dismissing my problem n start with ACCEPTING THAT I NEED HELP NOT CHASTISING.